hospital visitors?

alicek · 11-06-2009, 10:43 AM

What do your families and friends plan to do regarding visiting you and your little one(s) at the hospital when the baby is born? I tend to be a very modest, private person and I really hate the idea of relatives, particularly my in-laws, descending on me as soon as the baby is born when I'm in the kind of state I expect I'll be in. I want time to get myself together and spend time with DH and the new baby before that happens. It helps a little that the hospital is only allowing two visitors at a time, but that means that DH would have to leave in order for both of my in-laws to come up, which I don't like either. My parents probably won't be there until a day or two later because they work and live three hours away, but my in-laws are retired and said they plan to jump in the car as soon as I go into labor. I suggested to DH last night that maybe we shouldn't call our parents until after the baby is born and he hit the roof. We ultimately compromised that he was to keep everyone away from me unless and until I'm ready to see them. But I still feel icky about the whole thing. It's hard because I don't know how I will feel after giving birth (I may still be so drugged up that I won't care), but for some reason I'm really worked up about this. Anyone understand where I'm coming from, and if so, what are you planning to do?

PCOSDC · 11-06-2009, 10:51 AM

A lot of hospitals are implementing a NO VISITORS policy during the flu season so you may get out of that worry without having to do anything. Ultimately it's your choice. You may want some nice quiet alone bonding time with your new family and you extended family should be understanding of that. You could always tell your in-laws that no visitors are allowed for the first 24 hours or something like that.

HRkswildcat · 11-06-2009, 11:09 AM

I was going to say the same...better check with hospital policy right now. I work where I'm giving birth so I've checked into it already. No children under the age of 12 are allowed and they have strict policy on coughs/colds etc. for adults.

Asherlexie · 11-06-2009, 11:19 AM

We had this argument the other day. I loath his mother. We don't get along at all. She is a manipulative coniving bia-tch. Nuff' said. Anyways, I said I wanted a day where no one comes in just me and him and the baby. He was so mad. Said what about my parents. so we finally comprimised he won't call anyone til' i'm ready and he promised he wouldn't leave the room as long as they are there. It's not his family, it's just his mother. Plus at the hosp were going I know the baby stays with the parents the whole time especially since I will be breastfeeding I will have a lactation lady down my throat. Keep talking to him about how you feel about this. You and him concived this baby, not your inlaws. Basically my husband finally agreed when I said they weren't there when you put "it" in and I will be damned if his family will be ther when she comes out. It's my time, not theirs. I wanted this baby my whole life, she could honestly careless. Thing is I know she will try to use this baby against my husband.

Hoping&Praying · 11-06-2009, 11:41 AM

We have told people that we will let everyone know when I go into labor, but we don't want anyone sitting at the hospital waiting around because I dont want anyone but DH in the room as I'm going throught the labor and delivery process.... I say if you were not there to make the baby you don't need to be there through that process... DH agreed with that
We will call/text people when I am ready to have people come visit but they have to let us know what time because the hospital only allows 2 people plus your spouse... I dont want a ton of people in there at once and I'm going to tell everyone if you have even the little itty bit of a sniffle or scratchy throat, dont come!
It may sound mean but I need to protect them from getting sick and I want them to be able to adjust to us and spend time with just us before tons of people are all over them

Marabell · 11-06-2009, 11:48 AM

When I had my first daughter, I didn't really give this topic alot of thought After 15 visitors the second day, I was seriously regretting not having a plan for how to handle well-meaning visitors.

Before I had my second daugther, I told anyone and everyone that the ONLY people who were going to be allowed was my mother and my husband. Period. For the whole 3 days, it was just them coming and going...and it was a beautiful thing. W-a-y less stress. At home, I could better control who came and when they came.

hedyvrie · 11-06-2009, 12:01 PM

Enlist your nurses!!!!! They are very open to being the "bad guy" and telling people to get out or leave or that you are not ready for visitors yet. We put a sign on our door and kept it closed that said to check in with the nurses desk before entering the room. Worked great!

soonermomma03 · 11-06-2009, 12:02 PM

Well, I ended up with 3 C-Sections...

Lainey, MIL, FIL, BIL and my Mom were there...at the hospital almost all of the time. FIL and BIL left the room every time I nursed. When things were done, either the curtain was pulled or FIL and BIL left. MIL left sometimes...but her and I have a fairly good relationship. Mom is a Nurse and we are very close, so she never left for anything.

That is also who was there for Kenley's (my 3rd) birth. Well, and Lainey and Evie too.

With Evie's birth...lets see, my Mom, Grannie & Pawpaw and two teenage Sisters were there, plus MIL, FIL and BIL. Basically, if my family was up there, DH's family wasn't as the room was just too small for that many people. Plus Lainey. FIL and BIL once again would leave for BFing, but my Pawpaw didn't. Which was fine with me and him. If my Dad would have been there, he probably would have only left if I was getting blood taken, he can't handle needles.

I'm a pretty person, but I don't really count my Mom or Sisters. And really...once you have a baby...it's just sort of like everyone has seen everything...more people than you ever thought have seen your breasts, butt and vagina.

But, that's just me. I nursed in more places than I ever thought I would, just because of the circumstances of our lives. I got very comfortable with nursing in public, out of necessity more than anything.

While I completely understand what it's like to totally loathe someone (it would pretty much be FIL in my case), it is his Grandchild...he is DH's Dad. And while the Grandparents really are like children in that you need to treat each differently based on their circumstances and needs, it would be nice if they would all fit into one box. Just prepare yourself for anger and hurt feelings, and make sure that you and DH are on the same page.

coobeastie.com · 11-06-2009, 12:20 PM

With DS I had a c-section. The hospital I was at had a "honeymoon period" so that while I was in recovery no one else but DH got to see the baby. I was fine with visitors, because I couldn't really get out of bed at first, so I had people to hand me the baby and get me things.
This time I'm having another c-section, so I don't plan on having people come up there until we're in our room and ready to call them. Plus, as of right now no one under 15 is allowed to visit, so we have to figure out how to work that with my mom and MIL watching DS.

Leigha789 · 11-06-2009, 12:26 PM

My dh & mom were there for the birth of all 3 of my kids b/c that is how I wanted it. We didn't even call my in-laws and other family/friends and let them know until a few hours AFTER the baby was born. I just wanted some time to ourselves. I guess I'm lucky that my dh isn't really close to his parents so he didn't mind if we waited a while to call them.

I work for a hospital and the new policy is no one under 12 allowed in labor and delivery or maternity (it used to be no one under 12, but did allow siblings of any age- now they do not even allow siblings), no one with any kind of cold symptoms, and no visitors in the nicu except parents.

dawnjoemarie · 11-06-2009, 12:37 PM

With DS we didnt really think about the whole visitor thing. DH has a very big family with 5 sisters. So right after DS was born all the sisters were there with 2 of their kids and husbands. I was so overwelmed. I am very quite and didnt tell them to leave. They would stay for hours and I am also very modest. I had no clue what I was doing BFing. I didnt know a thing about newborns. I was on bedrest for the last half of pregnancy so I did not take any classes. I had a horrible headache the whole day. I rarely got to hold DS because everyone was hogging him. I told them this time that we would like at least the first day to ourselves to get to know eachother. I wish I did that with DS. I also mentioned to DH that we should just not tell anyone we are having this baby until a little after it is born. He thinks that is ok, but we would have to tell some family member to watch DS.

LGriggs · 11-06-2009, 12:44 PM

I've been wondering about this too. With all three of my nieces and nephews from my family I always called before I came to make sure it would be ok and with one I had to work late into the evening so I saw her the next day when no one was there but with the other two I came later in the evening around 7 and brought pizza for my brothers.

but with DH's family when his brothers wife had their kids I didn't see them until.... they were like 2 months old b/c they didn't want anyone at the hopstial or at the house for that long which I thought was really weird. But we have a strained relationship so I didn't really care enough to get my feelings hurt. I kinda hope they don't come to see our baby for 2 months lol! But, they live an hour away and have never even been to our house so I doubt they'll come anyways. *fingers crossed*

alicek · 11-06-2009, 01:29 PM

Thanks so much for the responses. My hospital's policy is that anyone can be in the waiting room but only two visitors in my room at a time, including DH. At least that's what it is now, it could get more or less restrictive in the next few weeks. The part I'm having a hard time with is that DH and I really aren't on the same page here, as we have been with most everything else. He thought my suggestion that we wait to call his parents until after the baby is born was "cruel." And in response, I'm just thinking, how on earth is it "cruel" for me to want to give my body a bit of time to recover and to enjoy our new baby before I entertain your parents?? When my sister in law had her babies they all went running up there as soon as the baby was born. I thought it was uncomfortable at the time and I don't want it to be like that for us.

I like the idea of the sign on the door and using the nurses. DH promised to keep his parents away until I'm ready but he may not be able to stop them on his own.

naomid · 11-06-2009, 01:45 PM

In my family, if you don't come to the hospital then feelings get hurt. But when family comes, they always bring food & only stay 15-30 minutes. Just enough time to see baby & make sure you or DH don't need anything. With DD my DH stayed in the hospital all 3 days. However, he went home to shower daily. Well a family member would stay with me & DD while he was gone. DH & mom called everyone while I was in labor, which I was ok with. The only annoying thing was his uncle started calling through the main hospital line for updates while I was still in l&d. Maybe have the nurse tell the family there is a 30 min time limit per visitor.

MOJO33 · 11-06-2009, 01:49 PM

At our hospital the nurses have to unlock the door to let you into the ward. You have to tell them who you are there to see and then they buzz you through. If that is the case at your hospital I would think you could just tell them at the nurse's station that you would like no visitors. Then when you are ready you can tell them to let visitors back. Will that make the in-laws happy, probably not, but it is OK for you to want time with your new family alone and certainly OK for you to want to get cleaned up before having visitors. Also, our hospital does not consider the father a visitor. He should be able to stay no matter who else is in the room.