How to Approach a Woman?

tiggerlily5278 · 09-17-2005, 11:27 AM

Whenever you see (or meet) a woman you are attracted to, how do you flirt/pick-up/etc.? I have such a hard time meeting anothe bi woman, mostly because I do nothing to try. But, how would you know if she "goes that way" or not? In the past, all of the times that I've like a girl and decided to act on it, every time it turns out that they were straight (or at least told me that).

The only thing I can think of is by meeting women from online since I'd know up front that they are bi. But, all of the old avenues I had for that are now gone (or they now charge a fee). I don't really have any female friends. I work alone, from a home office (so that eliminates co-workers) and all of my old friends from high school ditched me when they found out I am bi. So, basically my only female friends are my cysters here.

Help...

Stefany · 09-17-2005, 03:44 PM

Hey there Carrie,

What I have done to find "family" is find out the hang outs, like a coffee shop or a book store. Where I live we also have a GLBT center that offers different groups. I have joined the womyn's group and getting to meet lots of bi and lez ladies. We just play games, eat food, chat or have someone come in to talk with us. Its a really laid back place and there is not pressure unlike the bars. I am one not for the bars so I that is where I truned and so glad I did.

I have also done the on-line thing with NO luck. Don't get me wrong my bro meant his gf off of an match site. As far as I have gotten was a phone call with someone I had been e-mailing with. I have not given up on it yet but just not sure.

I would say is try to find if there is a center close to you or get on line and see what the gay community in your town is like just put where you live with gay life in like google and see what comes up.

I don't know what else to tell ya. Its hard to find someone and how to flirt is the scary as you know what. I wish you the best of luck

Hetaera · 09-18-2005, 05:52 PM

hrm... I usually have a pretty accurate 'gaydar' (I love that word!)
when I was waaaay younger, (like 13 or so) we would always play truth or dare and it always came out during the game, then the dares got naughty...
ahh it was so much easier back then!

now, I never get out so I dont really meet anyone either... but stefany gave some good advice...
Im kinda shy... at first, so its hard for me as well... but I just am always honest with people when I meet them, if they dont like me for my sexual orientation.. oh well, and if they do... cool. things tend to move slower (a lot) slower now that Im older (jeez, I sound like im in my 40's Im only 21!)
I wuold start out with a conversation about an issue reguarding homosexuals such as adoption or marriage (to kind of test the waters and see where they stand) and then we'd go from there, I dont want to have sex with every bisexual girl I meet, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to irl!

SweetMe · 09-20-2005, 09:25 AM

i sat next to a ;esbian in re on college...oh amy. she was the first girl i fell for. when she comletley rejected me coz i was bi, not lez....i started self-harming, i carved her name into my arm with razor blades. and i know lots of peolple from her crowd. thats how i know if girls are gy or bi, if they hang with amy's crowd. you know what? a few months ago i was told amy was bi now, not lez. *shakes head*

merrickgirl · 10-02-2005, 01:45 PM

sweetme... what is on your rabbit/guinepig's head? LOL I ve been wondering that for a while now. It kinda looks liek a pan cake

tiggerlily5278 · 10-02-2005, 02:12 PM

I could never figure out what the pic was at all. Now that you've said it, I see the guinee pig. LOL.

Hetaera · 10-02-2005, 03:34 PM

here is the original picture...

hehehe... theres tons of different versions out there...

merrickgirl · 10-04-2005, 10:23 PM

awwwwwwwwwwww isent that cute!!! Im gunna go fry up some pan cakes and see if my bun bun's can balance them

squidge63 · 11-02-2005, 11:23 PM

I have a fairly good working GayDar, not that I have to use it much as most people think I am a guy. Luckily I also am very much in love with my partner, who I met online. One of my partners I met in a restaurant, she was one of the waiters, she flirted with me like there was nobody else on the planet. I figured out she was gay but when people flirt with me it tends to go right over my head, as I have always figured who the hell would want to go out with me... lol. I did flirt back and made conversation and stuff and sort of got to know her that way. You just get a feel for who is gay or not, when i walk down a street your gaydar just switches on and there is a knowing look even if fleeting when another gay person or couple have walked by. I am not bi but I wouldnt imagine it would be any different. I can pick up gay men in a bar or club ...lol last year was in a club and this guy was eyeing me up and down for awhile, much to his boyfriends annoyance ( we actually looked very similar blonde hair and blonde goatee and moustache, although his boyfriend had dark hair goatee and moustache).. his partner pulled him away so he couldnt see me.. at the end of the evening i saw him clock me again, and his boyfriend dragged him out of the club that time...

The partner I met from the restaurant was also very young and boi 'ish and we tended to look like father and son going out...lol. I much prefer Femmes and the reason i think i went for this one, was that she showed an interest in me as i had been out for 4 years and been lead up so many garden paths and then told.. "oh i dont see you like that", or "Is your best friend gay i fancy her" that one really makes you feel good when you realise that when they ask you out for a drink and you think you might be getting somewhere... or you pluck up the courage to ask someone out and they bound over to you and say " oh i have just asked so and so out and she agreed to go out with me".. I had a very low esteem and lack of confidence, so it was refreshing to actually have someone like you. Until she dumped me 3 months later...

I met my next partner online, not on a dating site, just on an ordinary chat site, and we hit it off and went out with each other for almost 2 1/2 years until I went over to Canada to spend a month with her last year, and i found out she had cheated on me and was seeing the person she cheated on me with, (I had to drag it out of her though, i asked her when was she going to tell me, when i was saying goodbye at the airport!! and she said well no i dont want to finish with you...),and then found out that she had kissed another woman, but it was the other woman who said hey we shouldnt be doing this.... so was dumped yet again, does wonders for your confidence and self esteem.. (even when i went out with guys in my str8 days, i was the one that got dumped!!!!)

I vowed i was steering clear of love and wasnt going down that road again.. like we all say..lol

I met my partner online on Butch Femme I wasnt looking for love or relationships, i just decided i was going for no strings attached fun, but even that had its ups and downs, we got on well and had a great time but when i did think about entering relationships again my heart didnt burst enough or have the feelings that developed when my heart burst for the lady that is now my partner. I felt bad for the other lady but at the end of the day we both agreed no strings, as i told my partner and any other ladies that showed an interest, I didnt know when physically and mentally i would be ready for a relationship... and one weekend before Christmas I was out with friends and i had been thinking about my partner and my heart burst, i felt the spark jump into it when i thought of her and I realised that I had fallen in love. I was still scared as hell of being hurt, and i think there will always be that part of me after the experiences i have been through. I am also extremely grateful that my partner had the patience to wait for me, I told her i didnt know when i would be ready, and i said dont just stop with me, if there are others out there on the site you like dont let me stop you, but she said no she would wait whatever the outcome. I was also scared as it is another long distance relationship. We will have our 1st year together on Dec 18th, and she has made me the happiest butch/daddi/TG/masculine person on the planet, and fingers crossed I will relocate over to the USA next summer.

The butch femme site has a romance match maker section as well, but i we met in the threads...
I apologise for the rambling post...

ABumpyGal · 11-28-2005, 10:57 PM

Hi Carrie

You say you live near Philly? If I were in your shoes that's where I would head. I have a gay BIL living up there and from what I understand there is a whole "district". Going to places in the gay district would make things so much easier I would think.

I really wish people would bring back hankie codes. Seriously! Think how much easier that would make things...

The club I go to is officially a "gay" club, but on the night we go it seems to be mostly "straights". Thankfully I have a finely tuned gaydar

I'm still at the flirting, briefly dancing with stage though, as I have a partner and while he says he doesn't mind at all I am proceeding with caution.

You'll definitely find each other though. Watch the women, observe how they look at you. Look for the obvious things like smiles and meeting of the eyes. It's hard to describe in print. Best I can call it is a "knowing" look. Give it back and it's all over from there baby!

The great thing for me is that I also get this from gay men. I swear they think I am a drag queen

I'm equal opportunity, so I dance with them, too!

Good luck to you Carrie! It really does get easier with practice and as you gain confidence