How can we help our men?

savannah1020 · 08-21-2008, 12:41 PM

I would just like the opinions of some husbands/boyfriends on ways to help you deal with the demands of our PCOS. I, like all of the girls here, find myself on an emotional roller coaster. I try to be optimistic and cheerful, but of course that doesn't always work. Because of my extreme fatigue, my husband helps out a lot more than the "average guy" and also works 60 hours a week. I know that my illness stresses him out greatly, and scares him terribly - no matter what I say to alleviate his fears. I hear "are you okay?" at least 10 times a day. I just got us a couple's membership at a gym, as he loves to work out. I'm rather hoping that excercise will be a good stress relief at the day's end. He's not the type to talk about my problems to friends (he isn't a very social person, except for the occassional dinner date with friends). Do any of you have any suggestions which would make life with a PCOS wife easier for you? We (I) appriciate all that my DH does for me, and I would like to return the favor and support him as well. This illness tends to make me self absorbed because of the symptoms, and emotional distress I feel constantly under. I want to show him that I appriciate all that he does for me.

TheGigglingFrog · 08-21-2008, 04:06 PM

Thank you for asking this question! I'm always worried about the same things... DH seems confused at my concern, because in his eyes I am doing everything I need to and he couldn't be happier. For some reason I can't accept that he doesn't have a problem with all my obstacles.

The Man of the Board · 08-23-2008, 05:38 AM

Hello and once again I am back, I find it great that you are asking this Question. But have you asked yourself this. Mybe he is telling the truth. I will let you in on a little secert about most men, Once we find that right person no matter what we stick just like super-glue. I dont know about you but my wedding the preacher said in sickness and in health. My point is this most times we are telling you the truth becuase in out eyes you are perfect just as day one.

Your still saying well that does not answer my question, I know i rant alot. After all the days and stress he has helped you once in a while ask him what would you like to do today movie dinner or just that day were he does not get brothered by anything. Lets face with ladies PCOS is a high demanding friend. Its just nice to know we are thought of too some days speaking from my own experence here it easy to feel lost and unwanted. So its nice to know and hear we are still loved. Remember PCOS destorys you outlook of yourself in most cases but while you dealing with you tend to drawl inwards and leave us out. OK rant off. If i lost any of you sorry, I am dealing with my own sickness.

ceffion · 08-24-2008, 09:06 PM

i so ish my hubby would come here maybe he would see where i come from pcos wize

Indy_Wife · 08-25-2008, 06:32 PM

My husband has been really good about all the different things going on with me. When we first met, I knew that I had it but was not being treated for it. My husband is the baby of 10, so I know he wants a family, and is being very good about our inablitily to conceive. Since we have only been married a year, we have not been aggresivly trying until recently, I would have to say I feel like the luckiest woman in the world because my husband married me with all the symptoms without treatment without knowing wether or not they would change. My self esteem level is about a 2 on a scale of 1-10, so he met and married me during the worst part of my life, so with that being said *(I rant too)*. I am looking forward to correcting some of the major body issues that come along with PCOS, mainly the weight because that holds me back the most. He does everything he can to show me and tell me that he is 100 percent completely in love with every part of me. I think what helps us is the fact that we talk about every LITTLE thing all the time. He is also being very patient with the meds, and the cycles which in the past 6 years he has not had to deal with (me) being on them. I think this post is a great resource.

biker_jt · 08-25-2008, 11:33 PM

just remember that we get stressed too. i will just take off and go for a walk or lose my self in a video game or book. this is how i always have delt with stress. don't say we are pushing you out if we just seem to go off in our own little worlds, ask us why. it will make your and our lives allot easier.

serenityy · 09-01-2008, 06:13 PM

This is Serenityy husband. When someone you love more than your own life is sick, it is very stressful and depressing. You want to do whatever you can to help them and make them feel better.

savannah1020 · 09-10-2008, 03:32 PM

Thanks for the replies guys. I guess I'll just keep trying to "spoil" him the best I can. And, of course, I need to remember his feelings too, and not just my own.

BeautifulStill · 09-13-2008, 12:45 AM

One of the things I do for my way amazing husband is leave him little love notes in his lunch box and around the house with little short sentences on them such as : Thank you for working so hard for us...
I appreciate you.........
I think you are amazing.....

He works so hard for us and I don't always get the time to tell him how I feel so a short little love note always makes him smile.

MichSchwing · 10-05-2008, 01:33 AM

I'm worried with the low-carbs I'm going to get nasty to DH if he eats crap I can't around me. It's not his fault!

Mrs.George · 10-22-2008, 03:24 PM

omg. this post is amazing,. My husband gets SO confused at my doctor appointment, we have been TTC for 14 mths, and I try to explain what PCOS but i dont think he really knows what to say or do when i start having my "moods" i get so stressed over the smallest issues, and i CRY all the time, how do i make him understand that its NOT him? he teats me like a QUEEN, but he works alteast 60 hrs a week and is not a Social person... so i dont think he KNows how to express him self..

Ms Desire · 10-28-2008, 12:51 AM

Same problem here. My other half hardly ever talks about how he feels, where as i used to just cry for hours on end. He would never know what to say really apart from "itll happen when it happens" So im not really sure how he feels but i can sense it is effecting him inside.
I never wanna talk to him about anything as i dont want to make it worse or worry him with my problems. i want to "protect" him in some ways by not bothering him with the reminder that im holding him back from having children.

In my heart I know the best thing is to talk it out, but what doyou do when yoou partner just ..cant???

colbond · 10-28-2008, 03:11 AM

I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I can at least tell you what I'm seeing.

As a guy, I hate not understanding things. When my girlfriend does something that seems irrational, I can get frustrated. I'd much rather she tell me everything than nothing. If she's having a bad day or a "moody" day or whatever, it makes it so much easier when she just tells me that up front.

The "sticking like glue" thing is true.

Sometimes we get scared because don't know what's going on or how to help.

bgspicer · 11-06-2008, 11:28 PM

I know that my husband has been really supporting of my emotional moments and he doesn't like showing me how he feels because he wants to be strong for me.

bgspicer · 11-06-2008, 11:34 PM

My husband tries to hide how he feels to be strong for me. But I see how much it hurts him when ppl ask when we are goin to have a baby or when he transports young 16 y/o girls to the hospital that are in labor and thinks hoe they didn't want that baby it just happened. I cant help but think that it is all my fault. Men are so strong its hard to beleive sometimes