How did you decide what to do about donor sperm?

meeko77 · 10-13-2007, 09:36 AM

I am not TTC at this time, but am thinking about what I will do when I eventually try. For those of you who have inseminated, how did you decide on what type of donor sperm would you use? I am torn between using a sperm bank donor or using someone I know, so that eventually my child would at least know "who" their other half of their DNA came from. At the same time I am scared of using a known donor too, out of fear of someone trying to lay claim on the child after it is born. So, for those who have been there, done that, what helped you come to your decision?

JessieNae · 10-16-2007, 10:18 PM

We had a hard time with this and sometimes when I'm thinking about the finances it comes back up.
Dp and I have been together for 6years, celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

We met when DS was maybe a month old.
I had a very, very short relationship with DS' father and ended up with a great parting gift!! We have not seen his father since a few weeks after we found out I was preg. Even though I haven't seen him, he has called a few times and usually they are not good phone calls.
I know for DP it bothers her that their is another person out there who could claim her son. She has been there for everything and I understand her position and why she didn't want to have to worry about it for the next one. Someone tried to tell me once we made our decision that, it wasn't "fair for the child to have a vial for a daddy" (her words). All I could say was how fair is it for my DS to grow up knowing somewhere out there is a man who for some reason can't anti up and be a real man and be his own kids father. Let me stop me ranting....

I know there is paperwork that you can write up, but it still doesn't mean that it will stand up in a court. Each state is different and even though alot of states are becoming more "family" friendly there are still those like the one I'm in who don't get it. It's a tough call, I've heard of people making it work. I have a friend who's doing it now and used a friend as KD, they're co-parenting. Good Luck what ever you choose, Nae

meeko77 · 10-19-2007, 09:56 PM

Thanks. My problem is I really don't know anyone who I would be comfortable asking him to do that. And, I personally can't imagine just picking up some random guy, ya know? As far as laws, I see you are in FL. I am in SC, so I know your pain. We live in some pretty anti-gay states, huh? Anyway thanks for responding, and I know it does have to be hard on your DP knowing that someone else could take her son away, as legally she has no rights. That has to be very hard. I am like you on finances too. I hate to say it, but I feel like if I wait until I can afford all the money it will possibly take to go the sperm bank route, I will be too old to have the baby, lol. ;-)

JessieNae · 10-21-2007, 11:27 AM

We felt that way and there is North West Andrology( Cryolab) that is fairly cheap and they delvr to your house if you want. They don't have a ton of donors like Fairfax or some of the others and you don't get to see baby pic's. They do the testing they are suposed to and have a great website with a chatroom were you can learn all about insem'ing at home or through a Dr. They also have a babypic's page of women who share pic' of babies from NW donors. I think I paid close to $600 for two vials of IUI sperm, delvry, 3 tubes of pre-seed, an insem kit and then shipping.
We still joke every now and again about getting some random guy drunk but
know we couldn't do that. I have heard of people placing ads on myspace, craigslist, and at the local university to try to find a local donor for less. Yahoo even has a group for it. The couple can list what type of donor they are looking for or a guy can sign up to say they're available. One of the things I'm thinking about is checking with some of the RE's in town that store vials for patients to see if they have any body wanting to sell vials. Whch even if I save a little there it might help with what we would have to pay for IUI, I have a feling they're not just going to let us walk out with the vials with out some type of Dr. note or something. Here i go getting all long winded again.
Good Luck, Nae

meeko77 · 10-22-2007, 11:41 AM

Thanks. Good luck to you too.

Chris_tina · 12-03-2007, 09:29 AM

I recently moved to Nebraska to be with my girlfriend. Her ex gf and her decided to go the man route. They talked about it and decided on a donor and decided my gf and the man would actually have sex. Once they started having sex, her ex was fine with it, but when they went for round two, she got really upset and left the room. They ended up breaking up after it and she went and got the morning after pill because she freaked out about the whole situation. I've heard even if you have a man ejaculate in a cup and do it that route, that the change in temp. can ruin the sperm. So its a tough call. I've always wondered about the legalitites of the matter as well. We have a gay friend who we considered being a donor, but you have to consider the HIV/STD testing that you would want done to begin with. He is a little on the permiscuous side, so we would want the testing done right away, but I've always wondered what would happen as well if he decided to take the child. It would be nice if he could be an 'uncle' but it's very hard for gay men to adopt so he might decide one day that he would want the baby. So, I'm not sure what to do. Just make sure you really think it over. It will definately be a life changing event.