How Do DHs and SOs deal with PCOS??

kimbryan · 06-10-2002, 07:48 AM

Hi, firstly, I’ve been one of the lurkers and also one of the DWs who sometimes rant about unsupportive DHs! I have to say that I originally thought this DH, SO section was for DHs and SOs to support each other but it turned out to be more of an agony column for us women. Just as well, since I need help!

Instead of me trying to tell my DH I need his support, dragging him to doctors appointments when he would rather be somewhere else, and stuffing difficult to understand reading material to his face, I think it would work better if he read about how other DHs handle PCOS (from a male perspective) just so to know that his wife is not trying to dramatize her PCOS problems and whining unnecessarily. He works till pretty late, weekends as well, so he’s got his own stress. And it would not seem so much as if I was criticizing or nagging him. I could then just compile it into a little ‘How husbands deals with PCOS essay’ and let him read it.

So, I was wondering if you lovely supportive DHs out there could sort of write about what it’s like to live with someone with PCOS and
1. How difficult was it to face the fact that your other half has PCOS (we didn’t know until we got married, and by then I guess he was stuck, infertility problems and all)
2. How you deal with all the mood swings, tiredness etc.
3. If TTC, what TTC support do you give your DW (I get endless stress in this department and main reason which prompted me to post)
4. Pregnancy loss if any (I’ve had 3 and mine just clams up and turns on the TV so I don’t know if he’s angry, disappointed or just plain sad)
5. How has PCOS affected both your lives
6. Anything else that’s important to you

I hope I’m not asking for too much. Thank you to all the supportive DHs and cysters for listening.

SoulHubby · 06-10-2002, 12:44 PM

Hey kimbryan, and thanks for your post! You've asked some good questions, and I hope you'll get a lot of feedback from our DHs!

Here's my two cents-

Well, some of our story's a bit different so some of your questions dont apply to us (as we're not yet ttc) but here goes:

When my wife and I got married, while we didnt have a dx of PCOS, we knew that there were issues. To me, this didn't matter. I'd found my true soulmate, and I loved (and love!) her to death.

When we finally got a DX of PCOS, we were actually more relieved than anything else. My wife had AF for an extended period of time (months on end) prior to diagnosis. So having something to explain what we'd been seeing was more of a relief, if that makes any sense. Ironically, my wife (thanks to a magazine article, together with a pharmacist friend) had diagnosed herself perhaps a year before the true diagnosis.

Mood swings and tiredness are there, but to be honest, it's not really an issue for us. Ok, so maybe some days there are mood swings, but hell, some days I have mood swings....

And the one added bonus: After each Doctors appointment, we get to go out to our favorite Mexican restaruant to sip a frosty beverage or two (little know fact: Calories/sugar consumed immediately prior to a doctors visit dont count). May sound silly and trivial, but it helps to ease the tensions/stress a bit.

Hope some of this is helpful, feel free to add followup questions if you'd like

-=\Eric/=-

BeerBaron · 06-10-2002, 06:16 PM

Here's how I have dealt with my wife having PCOS:

When she was first diagnosed, I think I sort of approached it as something that could be easily solved through prescriptions, medical procedures, etc. I was more optimistic than realistic at the time. I really didn't know anything about it, other than the fact that one of our good friends had been diagnosed.

After she did some research (and joined SoulCysters), my wife became more informed about PCOS and, in turn, educated me. As I began to understand the symptoms and all of the complications, my perspective changed. I realized that this was something that would not go away and that it was not her issue, but our issue. When she told me that a Husbands/Boyfriends forum had been started, it took no pressure from her for me to join. Hearing from other husbands and seeing the large amount of discussions on the board in general has helped me to know that we are not alone.

As far as being supportive, I simply try to be as dependable as possible (like a rock, if you will). I listen to whatever she has to say, sometimes discussing matters, sometimes letting her vent. If necessary, I try and comfort her any way I can, even if that means letting her be alone. I know what her stress relievers are and try and provide her with them.

I love my wife more than anything. I think that we have actually grown closer together since the diagnosis. She knows that I am always there for her for whatever reason.

Brian

kimbryan · 06-12-2002, 06:05 AM

Hi guys, thanks for the reply. Maybe I asked too many questions!

Soulhubby, I'm glad you and your DW and finding out a lot about PCOS before TTC. Wish I had done the same instead of panicking now.

Beerbaron, I think my DH is slowly realising that PCOS is something significant that won't go away too, he can now say PCOS in one breath, but he sure is slow....!

CrazyCraig · 06-13-2002, 11:18 PM

Since you asked, I’ll tell you...

1) I didn’t find it difficult to face. I loved my wife. Her ability to conceive wasn’t a factor in our getting married. I was a bit disappointed but I just have a feeling... y’never know.

2) I just take my wife’s moodswings in stride. I have issues of my won so we pretty much try to be understanding and not be near sharp objects or projectile weapons.

3) What support? I just keep telling her that anything is possible. Which I belive.

4) n/a

5) I would say it has made us more determined. I’m not done trying.

6) I try to make her realize that not having a baby isn’t the end of the world should it ABSOULTELY be determined that that is the case. Good luck convincing me.

kimbryan · 06-14-2002, 11:10 AM

Dear Craig,
Thanks for the reply. Actually it's me who's more desperate to conceive than DH. He doesn't seem bothered one way or another and tells me it doesn't matter. We already have 1DS. But I have 4 angel babies. Twins and 2 others after my son. I feel like there's a big hole inside me and that I can only be happy again if I can have another baby. I don't think he understands. I suspect he would much prefer to have his fun wife back again instead of this mopey person! I also sometimes can't help thinking if he had married someone else instead of me, he wouldn't have to go through all this. All the best to you and your DW.
Kim