How do I get over this?

Kalmert · 07-25-2005, 05:33 PM

I have been having a really rough time lately with my lack of being able to conceive. My husband and I have been trying since 01/05. I know that isn't very long and I am sorry I know some have been trying longer. My dh and I went to our niece's 2nd bday yesterday and it is so hard seeing him interact with her. I can just see how wonderful of a father he is going to be and how he deserves being a daddy so much. It tears me up inside knowing that I am the reason that he isn't. He deserves more than this. Some days I just want to let him go, but I know that is not the answer and it won't make either of us feel better. He gets upset when I blame this on myself, but I just don't know how else to deal with it. How isn't it my fault? It's my body that is broken. How does everyone make it thru times like this?

heather090702 · 07-25-2005, 05:44 PM

((((Hugs)))) to you honey. I wish I could tell you how to get over it but there isn't a way. You haven't been TTC for that long but I know how you feel. Every month when we were TTC and I would get a period I would cry. Have you spoken to a doctor about infertility? There are options. Your DH loves you and he wants to be with you through the good times and the bad. I really wish the best for you. We are always here when you need us! ****Babydust**** to you!

Heather

hellofromangie · 07-25-2005, 05:55 PM

I don't have any advice, but I do want to send you a hug. Lots of hugs.

Angie

stormy1974 · 07-25-2005, 06:09 PM

Atleast you have the guts to start TTC, I am too afraid to even start trying. My hubby has mentioned kids a few times, we have been married almost a year. My response is..."Maybe next year, I'm not ready"...Lord knows I have been ready for babies for so long and would do anything to have one. I have PCOS I have had it my entire adult life (onset puberty) and I don't even have the nerve to try. I am too afraid I will fail!! I know if we can't concieve it's my fault and it scares the crap out of me...so to me you are a HERO for trying!!!

I wish you all the luck in TTC!!!

Kalmert · 07-26-2005, 09:46 AM

Thanks guys, I never thought that this would be that hard.

Kathie · 07-26-2005, 12:12 PM

I had no children for twelve long years.

One "trick" I used to keep myself positive was I decided the first day of any Aunt flo was day 1 of my cycle--that possible ovulation was just days away. I think it helped rather than thinking of Aunt flo as "The End".

I also felt like my husband should go get a new wife, one that could give him children, but he was happy with me--and the years we spent just enjoying each other are very good memories now. He often reflects on long afternoons in bed with cheese and crackers--or the "fun" we used to have in our very private backyard under the sprinkler.

So--make memories, enjoy each other's company, because when that baby does get here both of you will probably devote a lot of your energies to raising that child.

In my case I had three boys in less than two years--three babies in diapers, one with a severe handicap-so we were very busy

then just about the time I start to get some personal time, and I thought Imight be able to make time for myself-like job and new friends

I had another baby--a girl this time and we are again devoting all of our energies to raising and protecting our kids with the boys being teenagers and doing things I worry about-like chat rooms and needing everything repeated hundreds of times because their minds are on "other things"

and Virginia learning to climb stairs--sometimes I really think those long lost days weren't appreciated as much as they could have been.

But family is wonderful--and well worth what a lot of us go through to get them--and well worth the diapers and worry and lost sleep.

My best hopes and prayers for you..

*pEaNuT* · 07-26-2005, 12:31 PM

(((((hugs)))))

plsbme · 07-29-2005, 06:44 PM

Gina..I am So glad to come across this post today. I am feeling exactly the same. I am the reason that DH doesn't have a child...I have such a hard time dealing with that. I also HATE that I am so jealous when I hear about the co-worker who OOPs got pg...and just went for her sonogram and saw the arms and legs moving...I HATE that I wonder why it isn't me that is experiencing these things. We stopped actively TTC two cycles ago because it was just making me crazy and depressed. And while stopping the temping, peeing on sticks, and timing BD has helped to calm me the wishing and hoping doesn't go away. I am really making an attempt to enjoy the time I have with DH. We are trying to plan a lot of trips and do the things that we would like to do now in hopes that a baby will come someday.

It is just SO hard living life when you are going through what we are going through. Although DH is supportive he doesn't truly understand what I am going through-nor does anyone in my family. No one in my family has suffered from infertility...I just keep hearing "stop trying so hard". That is why I am so glad to have my cysters!

Lots of Hugs to you...please feel free to contact me if you ever want to chat.

Kalmert · 07-29-2005, 07:03 PM

We are in the exact same boat. I am glad that someone feels the way I do. I actually got an e-mail today from my Aunt, my cousin had her baby yesterday and now "it's like they have the perfect family, one boy and one girl" yes that is an exact quote from my aunt.. how nice right? I am happy for them, but really do I need to hear that when I am going thru this? My mom and sisters tell me the same thing, stop trying so hard and it will happen... no.. it won't because I'm broken... they don't understand that! My mom got prego on birth control twice! But here I am with nothing. I try to stay positive, really I am, but sometimes it just doesn't work.
Thank you!! I am glad I found my cysters too because I think that you guys are really the only ones that understand me.

VivC · 07-29-2005, 07:29 PM

((Hugs)). It's been six months, so I would see a reproductive endocrinologist. They'll probably prescribe clomid. And even if that doesn't work, there are plenty of other things to try before you give up!

You can get pregnant. You said that you're broken, that it's your fault. But it's not your fault that you were born this way. When your hubby married you, it was for better or worse. This is the worse. But it CAN happen...sometimes we just need help. I told my hubby to leave me while we were TTC, and he said that he couldn't imagine spending his life with someone else - he'd rather be with me and adopt that be with anyone else and have a tribe of children. I'm sure your hubby feels the same way.

I know this is hard, but imagine how much more you'll appreciate that little one when s/he's finally here!

Kalmert · 07-29-2005, 08:19 PM

Thank you for the support.
I went to my Dr this past Wed and she said it is time to start looking at other things because I am getting af monthly and seem to be doing good hormone wise. I have an appt for a blood test to test my progesterone (sp?) and a biopsy of my uterus. ick.. I am not lookin fwd to that one. I also was told to make an appt for an pelvic ultrasound which I am not looking fwd to either. I don't like people coming at my whoo ha with go go gadget type instruments.. She said that she would start me on clomid once we got the results from the tests.

Sarah E. · 07-30-2005, 12:19 AM

Gina- I have also felt the same way and feel like I am a crossroad in my life. Do I keep ttc? Or forget about it. I know my DH will be a wonderful daddy and I also feel like it is all my fault. I know that is the way we were born but why does it have to be so hard.
Your post touched me as I am going through the same thing. I annouced last year that I was ttc and everybody else got pg. I spent the money they got pg. Since then 8 coworkers are now pg. Well 2 have delivered. I keep hearing them talk about their dr's appointments, ultrasounds, baby kicking, am sickness etc etc...
I recently had to walk out at the end of a baby shower cause all the pg ones got up for a picture of themselves. I kept thinking to my self-- I should be up there.. I should be up there...
I cried all the way home. I was so embarrassed. I cry alot about not being able to have a child of my own. I get jealous and for that I am so ashamed.
Sorry to have hijacked the board.

stormy1974 · 07-30-2005, 12:36 AM

Well I give you all credit for even trying, I have yet to face my fear. I have a regular Endo appt next week, I will start there and just see what she says. I am so glad to know that you all are out there and that you understand the trails and tribualtions of PCOS!!

plsbme · 07-30-2005, 11:33 AM

SarahE-That is exactly how I feel! I am so ashamed that I feel jealous and resentful of those who are pg. I am SO not that type of person-and I hate that I have become that way. I really wish that I/we could get over this...but I don't think that will happen.

I can't tell you all enough how grateful I am to have you all to talk to about these things. There is no one in my real life that I can talk to.

Hugs, Kisses, and babydust!

tiggerlily5278 · 07-30-2005, 12:07 PM

Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you. DH & I have been ttc for about 2 years now. We've had all of the tests done and the infertility is completely on my end (PCOS, no ovulation). There are no male factors involved. My husband doesn't push me and says that if it never happens, it's ok. But I just get so upset because we both want children so bad and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He also gets mad when I blame myself. I've told him the same thing you said about yourself, about letting him go & he deserves more. The hardest part is everyone in our family has children/babies already (even the younger relatives). I see how he is with the kids, and it does hurt so badly. The only thing I can say is some days are good days, and some days are really bad days. My neighbor is now pregnant too, and due in a few weeks! I'm trying to keep my head up though, and hopeful that the Metformin will help me out. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.