How do I know when it's time to stop TTC and move to adoption?

tyrex · 08-14-2009, 10:42 AM

Hi. The title says it all, I guess. I am 32, DH is 33. We have done 2 years of infertility treatments. I got pregnant twice and miscarried both times. Since then I have done 8 more unsuccessful months of treatment.

At the beginning of the summer we attended an open house for an agency that does foster/adopt. We were very interested but then decided to wait until the fall so we could do one last type of infertility treatment (injectables, which we hadn't done previously). At the time we had no illusion of them working but felt strongly that we should at least try them so that we wouldn't have any regrets in the future. We did one month without an IUI and one month with an IUI. We have to take a break this month since I can't take time off of work for the appointments. DH is ready to stop completely. I feel like "Let's just try one more month." I am afraid I will always want to try just one more time.

How did you know when you were ready to stop with the treatments and move to adoption? Any advice would be very appreciated. The next foster/adopt class starts in the fall. I am excited about going the foster/adopt route and the social worker we met at the open house was wonderful.

calches · 08-14-2009, 11:06 AM

You BOTH need to be on the same page and you don't want to have any lingering doubts...we didn't actively ttc that hard (no clomind or injectiblles) so it is hard really to compare...I can say that adoption route is hard on you...you never know if a BM will change her mind or even how long it will be before someone chooses ya'll...very stressful for both you and your marriage...(not that ttc isn't...again, I am just giving my perspective on adoption.)

I would say you have to be a peace with your ttc and move on to adoption if that is what you choose...it wouldn't be fair to you/your dh/or your child if you have that lingering thoughts...but all in the end it works out...trust me!

cleeszoooo · 08-14-2009, 03:17 PM

you could always do both... I adopted from foster care before I ever tried to get pregnant with meds... we tried for years naturally, but no luck. I didn't know that the meds (like clomid) was so cheap (8.99 a month), so we looked into adopting. I just wanted to be a mom, and I adopted twin girls who were placed with me at 5 weeks old.. also if you decide to do foster/adopt, there are at least 3 months of training that you will have to go through... I would totally do both in your position... try another month, and start the classes,... It can't hurt

BloomingTulips · 09-06-2009, 09:16 PM

A lot of agencies require that you stop all fertility treatments and some require that you not start the process within 1-3 years of a major change or loss, which includes the discovery of infertility.

I would say you know when to go forward when you know that if you got pregnant or not, no matter how excited you'd be to be pregnant or how ill you might get with the pregnancy, that you would desire to go forward with the adoption because you had a child born in your heart out there you needed to find, too. If your pregnancy status would affect your adoption status, I'd say you would need more time to grieve and/or TTC.

That's my opinion.

Becky716 · 09-09-2009, 09:38 PM

We decided to adopt our son when the doctor said our next step was IVF. We adopted internationally and the cost for both was the same. We knew we wanted to be parents and at that time it didn't matter to us how we got there. Our son came home from Guatemala 10 months later. We have since adopted a little girl from Guatemala, as well.
However, now that both my kids are home and doing great, there is part of me that wants to try to get pregnant again. So.... we're trying.
Listen to your heart... you'll make the right decision for you and your family.

smash_effect · 09-12-2009, 01:57 AM

We too decided to adopt when our doc told us IVF was our best option. We had talked about adoption back when we were only dating but it was clear that it was our next step (for us) when injections did not work. The amazing thing was the peace we felt when we closed the door to infertility treatments and went full force with adoption. We absolutely ADORE our son and DNA couldn't matter a bit to us. In fact, we thought we would try infertility treatments down the road but now that our son is 1 we can't wait to adopt again soon. Good luck!

furno78 · 09-20-2009, 06:53 PM

I would really like to adopt, but when do we give up TTC we are just at the beginning

BloomingTulips · 09-21-2009, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by furno78

I would really like to adopt, but when do we give up TTC we are just at the beginning

If you already want to adopt, you don't need to actively TTC at all. I know several people who went this route. Some were later blessed with additional children who joined the family through birth and some were not. With adoption, you always have the choice to say yes.

MenifeeMother · 10-12-2009, 12:57 AM

I think everyone has a limit to how much fertility treatments they are willing to go through. You just know when you've had enough. We always knew we wanted to adopt and when a few infertility treatments didn't work, we went straight to adoption.

verbal0rchid · 10-13-2009, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by furno78

I would really like to adopt, but when do we give up TTC we are just at the beginning

I can tell you this: my daughter's adoptive parents tried without success for years to conceive. They just never could for some reason. I am convinced within myself it was because they were slated by God to have my daughter. Oddly, a few years after ward, they did conceive without even trying. So they currently have my (their) daughter, and also a natural son.

BeeBee · 10-14-2009, 11:10 PM

Smash_effect- you got your baby so fast!! Can I ask what agency you used? How old was your son when you brought him home?

I'm starting to ponder the same question, when do you stop? We did IVF and it ended in a chemical pregnancy and my dr was baffled as to what to do different to improve my chances next time. The problem is my husband won't talk about adoption. I'm totally open to it, but he shuts me down as soon as I bring it up. Anyone else had that experience??

Baby Maybe · 10-27-2009, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyrex

Hi. The title says it all, I guess. I am 32, DH is 33. We have done 2 years of infertility treatments. I got pregnant twice and miscarried both times. Since then I have done 8 more unsuccessful months of treatment.

At the beginning of the summer we attended an open house for an agency that does foster/adopt. We were very interested but then decided to wait until the fall so we could do one last type of infertility treatment (injectables, which we hadn't done previously). At the time we had no illusion of them working but felt strongly that we should at least try them so that we wouldn't have any regrets in the future. We did one month without an IUI and one month with an IUI. We have to take a break this month since I can't take time off of work for the appointments. DH is ready to stop completely. I feel like "Let's just try one more month." I am afraid I will always want to try just one more time.

How did you know when you were ready to stop with the treatments and move to adoption? Any advice would be very appreciated. The next foster/adopt class starts in the fall. I am excited about going the foster/adopt route and the social worker we met at the open house was wonderful.

Is this thread still open?? If so i am so glad i stumbled upon it. I am just trying to keep our options open(Dh and i) we are going through IVF right now and even if it does work we are interested in adopting but have no idea where to start or when is trying for us to concieve just a waste of money, you know.

steph81 · 10-31-2009, 02:26 PM

I am currently trying to figure this out as well.

Just had my 2nd failed round of IVF and I don't know how much more of that I can handle. The months of medications and hormones do a number on a person.

I haven't given up on having my own child yet but my husband and I have been waiting so long to start a family I think it is time to put our efforts into something else.

I think I am going to look into adoption soon as I know this is a long wait as well, just not too sure if I should take some time before starting with that or not.

Maybe one day we might have a biological child but I think its time to start thinking that maybe its just not in the cards for us.

FlowingBrooke · 11-02-2009, 11:20 AM

I am 29 and DH is 32. We have decided to stop TTC after 4 years of ovulation test, pregnancy test, a miscarriage and stress. I've been ready to move on to adoption for 2 years now, but the hubby wasn't ready. This last month he was finally done and said he was ready to move on also. I think for us it was a combination of TTC wasn't fun anymore and we didn't know if we could go through another miscarriage.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I'm excited to start the adoption process. We are looking into adopting from China.

Good luck with your journey!

MenifeeMother · 11-02-2009, 03:17 PM

Adoption is an amazing and wonderful way to create a full family!!! We adopted our first daughter through foster care when she was 6 months old and are now in the process of getting certified to adopt through foster care again.