How do you deal with it?

Ally0479'sHubby · 03-19-2003, 03:59 AM

I know that having PCOS is hard on my DW but it is somewhat bothering me more than it has in the past. I have a DD from a previous relationship so I have a child... my Dw does not have any and I would love to have some with her but is it worth her being stressed out? How do you stay supportive to your DW but not discourage her. She gets pissed when I say for her to relax.. so I do not know what to say.I love her no matter what... kids or no kids. Any advice?

TxHubby · 03-19-2003, 02:52 PM

The best advice I could give you, would be to tell her what you just said..." You love her no matter what ". You just have to stay supportive & let her know that your love is unconditional and that it will never change. It's easy for DWs to get down on themselves or blame themselves for having PCOS, and what we as DHs have to do is let them know that it's not their fault. They didn't ask to get PCOS, they don't want to have PCOS, but since they do have it, then we have to try to help them handle it as best as we possibly can.

Just let her know that she's not facing this alone...that you're in this together & you're going to stick by her & support her.

Good Luck !!

stilltugboat · 03-19-2003, 03:24 PM

I totally understand what you are dealing with. My SO, soon to be DW and I have the same issue. I am considerably older than her and have a 19 year-old son. There are two things she wants out of life. The opportunity to walk down the aisle in white and a child. The first I am endeavoring to give her. A child is no guarantee. Once we are are married we will try for that too. If we do not have one it is not the end of the world for me. I will always love her, child or no child. I keep re-enforcing that with her. That is all any man can do. Show the woman you love that you love her and always will love her.

TxLady · 03-20-2003, 11:35 AM

As a DW who has been through the infertility battle recently, I thought you might like to hear a woman's point of view.

I can honestly tell you that no matter how hard you work to support her, comfort her and try to make her relax, she will continue to stress and worry.

You see, most women grow up with the same little fairy tale dream. To be married to our white knight and have babies. We dream about it from the time we are little girls. So when something like PCOS comes into the picture, and infertility becomes a factor, it feels like that dream starts to fade.

For me, just the word infertility drew me to tears. It is a long road. As women, we are working against a force that is stronger than we are. We are fighting a battle that we are not guaranteed to win.

When DH and I were trying to get pg, I was consumed with so many feelings, worries and stresses. I not only mourned that I might not ever have a child of my own, but I also feared that I would not give my husband the child he always dreamed of. I was pumping myself up with infertility pills, scheduling love making, testing non-stop, and attending doc appts week after week. I recognized how it affected me, both physically and emotionally. So seeing how it was affecting me, I worried how it was affecting my husband.

What got me through it? My husband. We had tremendous support of family as well, but as he has posted on this board in another thread, DH made it OUR problem, not MINE.

My advice to you in how to support DW is to let her know that what is most important - that you love her. That you understand what she is feeling and what she is going through. Don't put pressure on her. Don't make infertility bigger or weigh more than your relationship.

Attend doctor appointments with her. Whether it is for infertility or not. You have to involve yourself in what is going on with her. Be as involved in this as she is. Talk to the doctors during the appointment. Ask questions. Basically, do everything you can to show DW that you accept this as a road you will follow together.

It is not an easy road - I won't lie to you about that. But you can find great support from the other men here who have been through it too. I know you can call on my DH (TxHubby) anytime. He would be happy to tell whatever he can.

Hang in there, and trust me, you both will get through it.

LuckyHubbie · 03-21-2003, 12:37 AM

TxLady,

Thank you for the peek you gave us through a womans eye. You painted a very good picture. Many things you said were echos of some of the things Lisa has told me.