How do you get thru the post-bfn funk?

hnelson · 08-10-2009, 04:16 AM

I'm in my 4th medicated cycle post-bfn funk right now. Not the worst I've had to date, but not the best either. I'm sulking, depressed, not being the best mom and wife and inwardly bitter at my friends who are pg with #2 right now (maybe jealous is a better description). Logically I accept, emotionally I don't understand at all. What to do? Any ideas? I start my femara tomorrow so at least that gives me a sense of forward progress, but ugggghhh!

mixedupmarie · 08-10-2009, 08:44 AM

DH and I wanted another child so badly. Every month seemed like an endless struggle. DH started a monthly date night. We would do something like a wine tasting or sushi or margaritas at my favorite mexican restaurant. Basicly we would do something that I couldn't do if I were pregnant and act as though we were doing our last celebration before a BFP. By the way I got preggo on femara, my second cycle. Good Luck!

jessicagilmer · 08-10-2009, 01:56 PM

DH & I have been actively TTC #1 for about 22 months. I have been through approximately 15 medicated cycles. I see that you already have a child and I don't know how long you & your DH tried before you conceived #1, but I can tell you this... Some months are good and some months are bad. Usually the bad months are REALLY bad. But for me, once I make it past AF, I just tell myself that this is a brand new cycle and a brand new chance for me to have a baby. And that is much more important that hanging on to the past failed cycle(s). I also pray a lot for strength and patience. Good luck and much baby dust!

rancidrock08 · 08-10-2009, 02:55 PM

When I see the BFN I look forward to the next cycle starting so I can have a fresh start. Try to look back and see what I could of done wrong so I can right it this time around.

hnelson · 08-11-2009, 05:38 AM

Thanks much ladies!! Margaritas sound great - that's on the agenda for Friday night!

I have been really taking the past cycles too "seriously" - like no alcohol, very limited caffiene pre O (wanted to give my body the best shot) in addition to post O.

For my first we conceived on our 2nd cycle before I realized how difficult it could be for PCOSers. I had just been charting my cycles for about 6 months before we started ttc and knew that I O'd, but with cycles ranging from 35 - 85 days. We'd heard that we would need to ttc for 1 year before getting medical help (found out later not true if you have pcos) so we weren't too serious (meaning we didn't expect good results). In fact on our conception cycle, we only bd'd once during my fertile period (O on cd 18!) - and standing up no less (sorry tmi) so there was no laying down for 30 min or using instead cups. In addition, I wasn't even sure I had O'd (low temps for a couple days past O then international travel - to Italy- so didn't temp b/c they wouldn't be accurate) and I continued to drink wine daily while on vacation. Tested a couple of times, bfn, then tested one more time b/c of a dream and bfp (exactly 14 dpo so thankfully stopped drinking before I could inflict any damage). Anyway, this time I've been so prepared - meds with a OB/RE, no alcohol, limited caffiene, stay horizontal for 30 min to keep the boys in there, very accurate bbt - and nothing so far. I'm so frustrated b/c it was so quick for us last time and I wasn't doing everything by the book. This time I'm doing everything by the book and still no results. And I want to have a bun in the oven by end of Sept so I have a due date before I turn 35 (so I'm not automatically a high risk pregnancy - I'm such an anxious pg person). I think I've just got to loosen up some and enjoy life as is not pg. Of course post O be careful, but I hate looking back after bfn and thinking about the party I didn't have a cocktail at b/c I thought it may hinder my O. I feel like I'm not living my life while ttc, and then getting so frustrated when there's a bfn.

Have any of you considered your stopping point? I'm older than the rest, so perhaps I'm considering this more, but I don't know how many more cycles I can handle emotionally. I would do another 1000 cycles if I knew I would eventually end up with a happy and healthy child, but right now I'm really wondering if that will happen, so perhaps I should just accept my life as it is and move on......

Courtney - congrats on your pg - with twins! I would love if my 2nd femara cycle produced the same!

Jessica- hang in there. Are you dealing with anything other than PCOS (not that PCOS isn't enough!)

Achaila - have you done anything special to conceive in the past. So sorry about your stillbirths - don't even know what to say.

thanks again!

PUFFIN_KISSES · 08-11-2009, 06:11 AM

Well first I dont buy HPTS anymore. Everyone seems to be a (-) so, I've convinced myself that they waste my time and $. Also that they are gimics. There are times yes, that I do buy them(putting up alot of courage) and then only to be let down countless times as before. So, thats how I deal with it. When I get one well, its just memory lane all over again. Anger, depression, jelousy, hate. Hell I'll be honest I've cursed the lord a few times not proud of it but it happned...8/

jessicagilmer · 08-13-2009, 11:45 AM

hnelson

I guess its just PCOS. I knew I had problems when I was around 20ish. I told the dr I wasn't have a regular cycle and she told me it didn't matter. As long as I didn't mind, it wouldn't hurt anything. When I think back on all the time I could have been working to do something about it - 6 years before I started ttc - I get so angry at her! But I have a new obgyn and he diagnosed me within the first 5 minutes of my visit. Of course he ran tests to confirm. He was great! I hope I get to go back to see him very soon!

In my 2 year ttc journey, I have not had a BFP one time. We haven't been extremely aggressive due to monetary issues. Insurance does not cover infertility. It's hard enough to make it month to month as it is, but when you add in a lot of extra dr bills it gets pretty rough! But it's ok! Cause I'm hanging in there and I know in the end, it will all be worth it!

mamalele · 08-13-2009, 07:32 PM

We've been trying for 7 years, and in the last year have sought active treatment. I always hold onto "hope" for the future, and that fresh start mentioned in an earlier post. Baby dust to you
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Mellybear · 08-13-2009, 08:11 PM

Two words: retail therapy

Probably not the best way to deal with the disappointment and the sadness that comes with it (even when I was expecting AF to show up and/or knew that the test was going to be negative)....but it always help make me feel a bit better!

DH & I stopped actively avoiding pregnancy about 4 years ago....since then we've actively TTC (in total) for about a year and a half - mostly within the past year. No BFP at all during that time....at least as far as I know. My cycles have always been long to begin with (roughly 45days) and I'm a complete POAS avoider...so there could have been a few chemical pgs along the way but I'll never know for sure.

The way that I look at it, if I'm feeling down....there's no excuse not to spoil myself a bit. Even if it's just a book or a new top or even a fruit smoothie....the fact that I'm taking time to pamper myself always seems to improve my mood and outlook!

Jessica - I can completely relate to your experience. When I was a teenager my cycles were completely out of whack....sometimes I would go for more than 6 months without AF! Every doctor I talked to told me that there was nothing wrong and acted like I was perfectly fine. Whenever I did express any concern and asked if there was a way to find out what was causing it all....their response was to put me on BCP in order to regulate my cycles! I keep wondering if maybe I'd found a way to deal with my cycle issues earlier I wouldn't be having as much trouble concieving now!

aprildurham23 · 08-13-2009, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rancidrock08
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

When I see the BFN I look forward to the next cycle starting so I can have a fresh start. Try to look back and see what I could of done wrong so I can right it this time around.

That's exactly what I do. I've been TTC #1 for like three years, but only 1 year on Metformin, and only 1 Cycle on Clomid. So I just think of it as looking forward...being glad that it's a fresh-clean slate!

WifeyC · 08-13-2009, 09:38 PM

I guess I avoid all the BFN funk by not buying any tests. It's a waste of money, in my mind. AF has been right on track for two months now with the Clomid and the Ovidrel combination. So I haven't rushed things. Of course, I'm impatient, since DH and I have been trying for two years. But we've only been seeing the RE since June. So...but my advice for not letting a BFN get to you is to not even take a test. I guess, for me, it's a win/win situation at the end of each month. If AF comes, I O'd, which is a huge accomplishment, since with my PCOS, ovulation is rare, even with some meds. If AF doesn't come, then I'll buy a test and see what it reads.

Just remember two things ladies. Number one: Good things come to those who wait patiently. And number two: God never gives you anything beyond what you can bear.

theOceanicSix · 08-13-2009, 09:42 PM

I honestly don't know, hnelson. Some months I'm ok, like "Oh no problem, it's a new cycle, a fresh start!", and other months I want to die. Not literally, but...almost. I've had some pretty rough days in the last few years. And I literally DREAD those days, because I know it's going to take me hours and hours and hours and hours to pull myself out of my anger and depression. I hate it so much. We did get pregnant once last year, but it ended in a miscarriage. I've had hope since then (thank God) but I still have hard days. I turn to the Bible a lot (lots of infertile women to be found there!) and my sweet, wonderful husband. Oh, and Xanax.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.