How long did you ttc?

jschmidt · 07-27-2003, 01:20 PM

How long did you guys ttc before moving onto adoption? Did you exhaust all of the possibilities before deciding to adopt, or adopt as soon as you were diagnosed (or somewhere in the middle)? The reason I'm asking is that my DH and I are so close to starting the adoption process ( we are almost 100% sure with South Korea) and I've only tried Clomid twice. We've been ttc for 15 months now, I've had one m/c, and Clomid has allowed me to o, but my heart just isn't in it. I really am excited about the idea of stopping all fertility meds and shots and dr's appts, but I want to make sure I am adopting for the right reason, not just because it means I won't have to take hormones anymore. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from? Basically when I think about adopting I get so excited and relieved that I can finally have a baby, and I feel like I'll get a little part of my life back from not thinking about infertility and pregnancy all of the time. It's just that some people try everything and if it doesn't work, then they move onto adoption. How did you all know that it was right for you? Thanks

Julie

websissy · 07-27-2003, 07:13 PM

We TTC for about 8 years (since we were married in 1995). Unfortunately, we wasted a lot of time before August 2001 by not seeing a fertility specialist (long story). I started ovulating after being diagnosed with PCOS and getting on Met in Dec-01 and got pregnant in Mar-02, but miscarried. The next two pregnancies in 2002 ended in miscarriages too and that's when we said lets look at adoption as we really wanted to have kids, be parents and have our own family. We didn't give up hope of TTC though and right when we got our State and INS certification in Mar-03, we found out we were pregnant again. With meds to prevent me from miscarrying again due to blood clots, we have been able to keep this pregnancy going - I'm currently 22.3 weeks

We haven't given up on our adoption plans and hope have our dossier submitted and have a referral by next year.

I can relate to your being fed up with TTC though. I was pretty much there myself, but I wasn't taking fertility meds other than Met and had discontinued IUI's. Knowing that we would have a child someday via adoption gave us so much more hope than we had while TTC.

It a personal decision that you and DH must make - whether to stop TTC and adopt, or continue to TTC and adopt, or just TTC or decide to be childless. There are a lot of options and it's up to you both to figure out what's right for you.

MicKen · 07-27-2003, 09:25 PM

We ttc'd for I believe, approximately 3 years. We miscarried once during that time (late miscarriage).

For the first 3 cycles with a fertility specialiaist I was into it. Then I just knew it wouldn't happen. My first pregnangy occurred without any special help.

Ironically, my second pregnancy was an accident after I had adopted.

So (prior to the decision to adopt), we did some clomid, 7 IUIs, injectibles, and then got slapped with a huge bill that my insurance refused to pay although it is listed as covered under benefits (yes, I truly believe insurance CEOs are truly evil). I still owe because I got an ultrasound for my last pregnancy, to check if it was viable. That clearly should have been covered by my plan, but I digress...

I think after the first 3 tries, I was just waiting for my husband to be ready. After his witnessing the pain I was going through (and he was aware I never expected anything to come of it, and it didn't)...he let us move on to adoption.

I really didn't think we could afford it, but that is a totally different story entirely.

I always felt I would or should adopt. I didn't LIKE being pregnant, only wanted the outcome of the child.

And I have since learned, I am a toddler or child person, not so much crazy about infants.

Which is good because in Ukraine you can't get a child under the age of 14 months.

So I feel my adoption was meant to be.

ScrapbookChick · 07-27-2003, 11:59 PM

Hi Julie,

Yes, I know exactly where you're coming from. My DH and I tried for seven years, not consecutively, and never what I think is called on the boards "agressively"--I've never even taken Clomid. We just knew once we'd decided to adopt, it was the way to go and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now, once in a great while I mourn not having given birth--but only to the precious babies I have now!

We also didn't get my DX of PCOS until we were halfway through our adoption paperchase! Over the years, we'd charted and were aware "something" was wrong, since I'd only gotten pg. once and we were (aside from me being overweight) "young and healthy". Because my DH was exposed to PCBs his doctor did an extensive work up and recommended a fertility test for him--which came back nearly sterile. (Although I actually did get pg once more after that, so he's not completely and we're not certain what caused his infertility.)

But my DH's diagnosis was my turning point. I felt in my heart I wasn't ever going to give birth, but my heart so opened to being a mother to a child that needed a family as much as we needed a child. And once we did decide (even though it took a few years financially to get the money together) it was such a relief to go back to living my life everyday--not based on what day of my cycle it was, and wondering if that heartburn was morning sickness or buying a dozen pg tests if I was five minutes late.

Adoption is such a blessing for everyone involved.

Good luck with your family plans!

Lisa75 · 07-28-2003, 01:53 AM

I've TTC 8 years w/ my hubby and was married before. We always had talked about adoption and wanted to adopt but also continued with TTC. I did treatments with clomid, injections etc. But the option to adopt came up and we went with it. I knew I would finally have my family that was meant to be. I am still going to continue to TTC and may even try to go with treatment again maybe next year or so and if not well that's fine, I may adopt again if the option comes up again.

Good luck with your journey

Lisa75

skiboo · 07-28-2003, 11:26 AM

DH and I have been trying to TTC for close to 27 months... We have done glucophage, clomid, gonal-f, IUI's and we emotionally no longer have the desire to continue with month after month of heartache. I was married for 7 years in my 20's and ttc'd naturally almost the whole time with no results -- my first clue that something was wrong with me (but it took me until my mid-30's to be dx with pcos). To make a long story short, both DH and I have wanted children since we were in our 20's and the wait to have a family has been long enough...

I have a friend who went through one round of clomid and hated the side effects so much that they turned immediately to adoption... they now have an adorable adopted daughter. I have another friend who has been trying hard for 9+ years with multiple miscarriages and enough heartache to sink a ship, but still they keep trying and won't consider adoption...

Each person's threshold for ttc is different as is each person's willingness to open their heart and minds to the option of adoption. I think dh and I fell somewhere in the middle -- willing to give it a good try, but we always kept adoption as a very viable and acceptable way to build a family.

Now that we have started the paper chase for our adoption I feel like a ten ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders... We may try to ttc again once the adoption is complete as my RE feels certain that the fibroids I just had removed were impeding the process. But we also just might adopt a second time.

I wish for you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Follow your heart and you won't go wrong....
Janie

JenJen78 · 07-28-2003, 12:44 PM

DH and I tried for 2 years and decided that it was best to just move on to adoption. I understand exactly where you are coming from because I was just so relieved when we decided to adopt. The only thing we tried was the provera to start my periods, but we later found out that DH had a fertility problem as well. They told us they could do surgery, but we decided not to do that.

That was Feb 15, 2002, and today we have had our son Zach home for 2 1/2 months. I wouldn't trade him for anything. DH and I are not preventing a pg, but we are not TTC either. Adoption has really been such a blessing for me. I have the most beautiful son I could have ever dreamed of. (proud Mommy here

) We will be celebrating Zach's 1st birthday this Wednesday.

Best of luck to you and your DH. I say, go with your heart. Only you and DH know when the time is right for you. (but JMHO, you sound ready to adopt)

dna · 07-28-2003, 12:49 PM

Hi There

Dh and I have been ttc ever since we got together 9 years ago...but not "aggresively" for all that time only maybe 4 years with clomid and trigger shots etc... no IUI or IVF or anything...

I got to the point where I was tired, drained, lifeless, hating myself and my life and everything about anything... then we just looked up and said NO MORE... and our decision to adopt was born... it was absolutely like I crawled out of my dark cave and was so HAPPY !! Now our son is here and in full-on toddler mode and I couldnt imagine going back to that time...so if we conceive on our own whatever and if we do not we will go to China to adopt our daughter....

Good luck
Amy

mamadawny · 07-28-2003, 01:00 PM

Before the adoption of DD we tried without help for 2 years and with help for a couple of months. When we decided to try for #2 I went straight to a RE and have been trying for 7 months. I will probably try again before we adopt #3.

DebM · 07-28-2003, 01:44 PM

Hi - One of the most important things to remember when you're trying to decide whether or not to continue trying or move forward with adoption is that you don't want to have any regrets. Whether by birth or adoption, having a child is a lifetime commitment and you have to be certain of your decision. After suffering through endless IVF's, IUI's, tests upon tests, and 4 m/c's, I said to myself, "what do I want more - to be a biological parent or to be a parent?" But I wanted to make sure I would not regret whatever answer I came up with. So through lots of soul searching my husband and I decided that we tried all we could - gonal f, genetic testing, you name it! We know in our hearts that if we look back in 20 years and say, "We wonder if we had tried one more...." that we have done all we could and if a biological child is ever "meant to be" that it will be. If not, then we were destined to parent by adoption. We have now been freed from the endless doctor's appointments, procedures and heartache and have decided to work towards the goal that means the most to us in the end - to be parents and positively impact the life of a child. So we are beyond excited as we progress with the adoption process and now instead of our dreams consisting of getting a positive pg test, having a safe 40 week pg or watching my belly grow, our dreams have become getting matched, having a happy adoption story and seeing our much loved and eagerly anticipated child for the first time. In time you'll know what's right for you, and when you do, wow! there's nothing like it!

Good luck - Deb

jschmidt · 07-28-2003, 03:35 PM

Thanks to all of you who responded, your stories and advice make me feel a lot more confident that adoption is what I want right now. So many of you described exactly like I was feeling before we considered adoption, every day was full of heartache and I felt so helpless, waiting for a positive pregnancy test and wondering if I would miscarry again. I think we are ready! Once my DH gets a job in this coming month, we will start the process for South Korea, I'll keep you all posted!

Julie

MaryS · 07-29-2003, 05:29 PM

Julie,
Best of luck to you.
Dh and I decided to adopt after our 4th round of gonal-f and IUI failed back in Jan 2003. We are starting the homestudy process officially tomorrow, although we are done with all the "required" classes thru our agency. We did a lot of soul searching in our 3+ years of ttc(it would have been 4 years in May 2003- 3 1/2 years with a fertility specialist). We knew we wanted to be parents and when I got the "blocked tubes" diagnosis in January we knew that we were meant to have children thru adoption.

Mary

jschmidt · 07-29-2003, 08:39 PM

Oh Mary that's great! Are you doing domestic adoption? Good luck on your homestudy process, it always sounds so scary to me, although they say everyone wants to approve you. I hope your adoption is quick and easy, and that you will soon have your baby

Julie

MaryS · 07-30-2003, 09:48 AM

Julie,
We are going to be adopting from MN waiting children. Most of the children are 5 years and older. We want children so badly and age really doesn't matter to us. We know there are so many kids right here who have been waiting, sometimes for years, for a mom and dad to love them that we decided to switch from international to MN waiting children since having a baby no longer was as important as just being a mom and dad has become.
Mary