How long... and how wrong??

destin2BaMOM · 04-18-2005, 10:05 PM

OK.. so i have a few questions...

Am i WRONG for not wanting to greive this loss long and move on along??

And ...

How long did you other angel's mommies take for yourselfs... and then how long did it take to get pg again??

Im such a ball of mush now i just dont know what to do except look forward to may!!

Thinking of you all..

Thanks for the thoughts!!

April

BeetleGirl · 04-18-2005, 10:34 PM

April,
When I miscarried I wanted to hurry up & move on. In my case though my miscarriage lasted almost 2 months. But as soon as I got the go ahead I started trying again. Each person grieves their loss in their own way & if you are ready to move then it's definately something you should do. Don't compare yourself to others.
You know my story though...I'm still trying to get pregnant...a little under a year later we are trying IVF again after a failed FET, & failed injectible cycle.
My thoughts are with you & your hubby. (((Hugs)))

~Traci~ · 04-18-2005, 10:46 PM

{{{{HUGS}}}} Every person and every couple grieve in their own way and their own time. Each of my m/c's (4) both DH & I were ready to get moving but grieve as we were still TTC. I've had 4 m/c's and know that I can't physically or mentally go through a 5th. We have decided that we want a family more than we would like to have biological children or I want to be pg so we are adopting from China.

The best advice I can give is to not compare yourself to everyone else and to grieve in your own time.

Traci

loriette · 04-18-2005, 10:53 PM

April~

No one can tell you when it is time to move on. That is for you to decide. Grief is different for for each person. Sometimes pushing on is the best for one person, while waiting is best for another. You have the next couple of weeks to let everything sink in. Take your time and go with your heart. (((hugs)))

I got pg in 10/03,4/04, 9/04, and 3/05 all my angels...

Lori

LaurAnnHere · 04-18-2005, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angeleyes_1975

{{{{HUGS}}}} The best advice I can give is to not compare yourself to everyone else and to grieve in your own time.

My sentiments exactly. Each time I m/c I wanted to get back to TTC right away. I also know people who had to take time for themselves to grieve after a m/c. Bless you.

Hayles · 04-19-2005, 05:22 AM

Take your time fel what you feel cos whatever you feel is normal I am so sorry for your loss

kwannabee · 04-19-2005, 08:56 AM

april i'm sooo sorry for your loss...and have to agree with the others...its so individual. As for me trying again was a real emotional journey...i remember girls who just kept trying and trying one after the other and i knew as much as i 'wanted' to...i couldnt. When i look back i guess it was about 10 months from the time i had my girls til the time i got pregnant again...because of several reasons. First of all i was frikkin lucky that it happened again in the firlst place...but before i even got to the point of ttc-ing again I had to climb out of my emotional hole...that was really hard...so even though i was 'thinking' of it i still had to wait, for money, for insurance coverage, for hubby to agree...even to give myself permission to be happy again with life and not feel guilty for leaving my girls behind...even just to take care of my body for awhile...I had to wait for so many things...

but the main reason, and i've said this before, is that when my hubby FINALLY got over his fear enough to try again...(and that was really hard for him) i practically had him strapped to the roof of the car driving to the re's office....

any fear or anxiety i had at that point went out the window cuz i wasnt going to let him have time to change his mind.

One thing i learned too that caused a bit of panic after i got pregnant again was thatt i had barely went back to work long enough before having a successful treatment that i almost could not afford to stay home for another extended matleave, sick leave and all the other leave i'm taking for this high risk pregnancy. Maybe thats not a concern for others but for me we need two incomes...and i did NOT want to go through all this just to have to give up my baby to a babysitter at 6mo old!!

But that was so unavoidable for me...i was off work for almost 6mo after i lost my girls cuz i could barely leave my house...

we knew if we got pregnant again i would be on bedrest...so when i applied for benefit coverage i hit the cutoff by mere hours for recieving employment benefits...so my advice is not only about the baby itself...but your life in general plays a role too in deciding when to try again.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you...and whatever you decide is right for you...and you'll know the right time when it comes. [[[hugs]]]

Sugawallz910 · 04-19-2005, 03:12 PM

So sorry to hear about your loss, I wanted to move on and ttc once again. Im still grieving over my baby, but it is still in me to try again. Once again im sorry for your loss.

VivC · 04-20-2005, 01:14 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. All of us have had people try to tell us the "right way" to grieve, and it's an individual thing.

Personally, I'm waiting, but a huge part of that is due to marriage problems. Other women have found great comfort in being pregnant again.

Aprile78 · 04-20-2005, 01:48 PM

I don't think there is a "set" time to grieve............for me it took me a few weeks to get it out of my head, and not to bawl every night.......

anniversaries are hard...........it was also hard because two of my good friends were pregnant during that time, and both have healthy children, so I get to hear ALLLLLLLL about how they're growing so much, and doing so many new things and yea for them but they totally forget...........not their fault, it didn't happen to them, but geeze.......

destin2BaMOM · 04-23-2005, 10:15 PM

thanks girls.
You know what ... I THINK IM GONNA MAKE IT!!!
Hubby on the other hand is nervous ... mostly that we cant go through all this again. Afterall this one took 3 IVFS, 20 IUI's , 5 years and Thousands and thousands of dollars.. thats just the physical stuff.. then comes the heart mind and bodies. its been a road.
I am 3dp by D&C and very much looking forward to a new cycle, with new hope.
I pray to go i dont have several m/c but i know if i do im in good hands, and theres been many before me!
You guys are so awesome thanks for all your support!!

april

Sherbear · 04-25-2005, 05:18 PM

Hi ladies,

I m/c'd on April 17th. My dh & I are both grieving, but we're both planning on trying again as soon as the bleeding stops. Just because you are ttc again doesn't mean you can't grieve at the same time! I have a wonderful support group with you ladies, my dh, and my church, and that helps a lot. I don't love my angel baby any less because I'm ttc again soon. I don't know if this is helpful, but it's how I feel! And everyone is completely different. ((hugs))

kadie · 04-26-2005, 01:00 AM

April, I understand what you mean ... I don't what's right and what's not, and I'm still sensitive about everything. I really agree with everyone that it's so individual. I'm still so upset about it on the inside, but I can put on my functional face for the world and get out there everyday (God, it's hard some days!!). I think we just all have to get to a point where we are more able to cope with it. It's interesting to me how different my husband and I are in our grieving stages -- he's the "fix-it" type and thinks the way to fix-it is to try again. I'm TERRIFIED to start TTC again!!!!!!!!!

I admire the strength and faith and perseverence (sp?) all of you exemplify. I'll say it again: y'all are AMAZING women. None of us choose to join this club...but it is so comforting to know we're not alone. THANK YOU to everyone!!

Aprile78 · 04-26-2005, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kadie

April, I understand what you mean ... I don't what's right and what's not, and I'm still sensitive about everything. I really agree with everyone that it's so individual. I'm still so upset about it on the inside, but I can put on my functional face for the world and get out there everyday (God, it's hard some days!!). I think we just all have to get to a point where we are more able to cope with it. It's interesting to me how different my husband and I are in our grieving stages -- he's the "fix-it" type and thinks the way to fix-it is to try again. I'm TERRIFIED to start TTC again!!!!!!!!!

I admire the strength and faith and perseverence (sp?) all of you exemplify. I'll say it again: y'all are AMAZING women. None of us choose to join this club...but it is so comforting to know we're not alone. THANK YOU to everyone!!

That is EXACTLY how I felt. After our loss, DH was ready to get snipped (I think it was his solution to fixing it so it didn't happen again KWIM?) and I was scared to TTC........although we weren't actively, just not preventing it. Now it's been 15 months, I would have a 6 month old right about now and can't hardly have a period to save my life. Of course it's a constant reminder..........I really have a beef with Satan (stupid apple)

Sherbear · 04-27-2005, 04:21 PM

April - Satan would kick us all the time when we're down, if we let him. I can understand the fear about ttc again. I'm nervous, but not terrified. Thankfully the midwife team at my doc's office is awesome, and they're willing to do things like progesterone (and other) testing next time, and not wait until I have another m/c, as is standard. They're taking my age and the pcos into consideration.