How to men deal?

Viviana V · 01-21-2003, 05:54 AM

Hey Guys,

I just found out last week that I have pcos. My DH is usually so patient with me. We've discussed the fact that I "may" not be able to concieve and he responded "We will have a family one day and we will find a way." He's very kind about my low sex drive and I feel blessed to have him as my husband.

The one thing I've noticed since my diagnosis on Thursday is that he doesn't want to hear me complaining, worrying and things of that nature. I think it's compared to nagging ?? I have no idea. We live in Hawaii and he offered me to go home to TX to visit with my mom and dad for a little bit to take a load off and just relax from the stress I've been going through. Am I wrong in thinking that maybe he wants a break too? I asked him to come home with me and take some leave (Navy) next month and join me. He says he wants to save his days for when his sister graduates from college.

I'm starting to ramble. My main question is could he be just as stressed out as I am? The events/sypmtoms leading up to the dianosis have made us distant at times such as insecurities, my low sex drive and stress.
Thanks guys
~Viv~

tpall · 01-21-2003, 05:08 PM

In a word...Yes. He can be stressed out. From a husbands point of view...It is very stressful to see the one you love the most going through something that affects her physically and mentally and he cant do a darn thing about it. Remember, us men are "fixers". We are fixers to a fault. We are not always the best listeners, but we will always be there to give you advise. That is part of the reason we drive women batty. They just need us to shut up and listen sometimes. So yes, he may be almost as maxed out as you. but not quite as much as you because YOU of course have the illness. Not him. But nonetheless, if he cares for you he is stressed because he doesnt know what to do. He CANT make this go away for you. So he may need sometime to re-evaluate the situation. It isnt like any other problem he has ever dealt with. Especially if he is military. He is used to taking care of his men/women. But he may be feeling like he cant even take care of his own wife. That for a man is very very frustrating and stressful. Add to that the symptoms (moodiness) that you cant help but having and you two are pretty much fried. The whole thing can be stressful. Just hang in there! And also have him look at this PCOS website so he can understand you better and have him post here on the "husbands and boyfriends" board. There isnt a man here that doesnt know what he is going through..I promise. It may be good for him to see things from your point of view and from other men who have loved ones with PCOS. Hope this has been helpful...

Viviana V · 01-21-2003, 06:11 PM

I often try to keep in mind that men are problem solvers and want to fix the problem and be done with it. I did show him there is a forum here for husbands and boyfriends I don't want to push him but I wanted him to know if he wanted to research he could do it all from this site.

Thanks for the perpsective Tim!! And I'll try to make things easier on him for the both of us.

~Viv~

Rhoadie · 01-23-2003, 10:36 AM

I have posted something similiar what tpall said some time ago.
But I know where he is comming from. I think the best thing I have done for my DW is to get educated on PCOS. This site has been a great help in advising me on books to read and a place I can ask questions.
I know I can't fix any of her problems, but the best thing I can do is listen to her.