how to tell husband

Tanvi · 09-09-2009, 06:14 PM

hi all,
i am tanvi 23 and married.i have been diagnosed for pco for last 7 years and currently i am on diane-35.i have not told my husband abt my pco.
coz i was not cretain abt his reaction as he is from very conservative family.now may be 6 months later we will be starting ttc.so my prob is that should i tell my husband abt my condition?if yes then plz give me some hints to do so... also how much time on an avg does it take to get pregnant after starting metformin and clomid?

Pink Nails · 09-09-2009, 08:31 PM

I was on yasmin and told my husband (then bf) that I had PCOS after a month of dating. I hated to tell him becuase it doesn't paint a pretty picture and he is not the type to understand. Luckily he didn't look much into it and I simply told him it is not a big deal but might mean that I can't get pregnant.

Now we are married and I sort of feel like I am living a lie. The pretty girl he married is partially due to Yasmin BCP. My real hormonal state is much scarier. I just stopped the BCP last week and am nervous about my symptoms returning. The Dr. said I have 6 months before I go back to the way I was.

I have not figured how to tell my DH I am too insecure. The women on this site are open but I feel very private about PCOS becuase I am embarassed. My DH LOVES big boobs but I have none which I think is due to PCOS and the diagnosis makes me feel like less of a woman, like he got tricked by marrying me. So I am not completly open about PCOS becuase I cannot cope with his thinking less of me.

I'd probably feel better about it all if I was totally open but for now I don't say much. THough I am readign a book called PCOS and Infertitlty. It is on the table so it is not like it is a secret but I am just not fully disclosing to my DH. Anyway I didn't answer your question just rambled about how I haven't told my DH either.

ayushka · 09-10-2009, 02:37 AM

I would advise both of you to tell your husbands. They will understand more than you know. They may ask a ton of questions, my husband did.

I am one of those who is open about the PCOS issues. I even attended a medical conference about it and invited my husban's cousin (he was my bf at the time).

I think that both of you will feel better and more confident about TTC if your husbands know about the condition. It is not like you are broken, it is a challenge. There are many challenges through life and getting past them is a part of the challenge. I am sure that both of you have had plenty of other challenges through out your relationships with your husbands. Every fight and event is a potential challenge. If you made it through to being married, then this is another challenge that you can get through.

It is not like all hopes are lost or having children. There are some women with PCOS who do not have to use any medication to conceive. Those lucky few are fortunate; however, others who do have to use medications to conceive have plenty of options.

Clomid is fairly inexpensive, so that is not a huge issue. You'll have to plan and test a lot, but just look at is as a way to ensure that you do conceive.

I hope my post will help you both about telling your husbands about having PCOS. One major part of being in a marriage is to be understanding and to stick together through good times and bad times.

Good Luck... Let us all know if we can help.

mississippi_grl80 · 09-12-2009, 11:25 PM

My husband and I had been dating for about 1 year when things started to go haywire! My periods stopped; we thought I was pregnate! I tood test after test after test, & finally went to a Dr. that explained things to me! My DH (then bf) stood right beside me the whole time! He helps me a lot! It has been a little difficult for us both to get used to, or understand, I guess, but we're in it together! He encourages me & keeps me motivated. Your husbands WILL understand! It may take a little while & may be a little difficult, but they will! You have to let them in... Face this/ Kiss this crap in the butt together!
Best of Luck!

Cali Girl · 09-16-2009, 08:50 PM

My story is a bit different, because I was dx after we got married. My DH has been very supportive so far.

There are many PCOS issues that affect us all differently, but it's not like we're "defective". Just means that we have issues that other non-pcos women don't have, but don't let it get you down. There are treatments for a lot of the issues, so check into those with your DR after you talk to your Hubby about your condition.

I think you'll feel a lot better after getting it off your chest.

Cali Girl · 09-16-2009, 08:52 PM

Please keep us posted and let us know how the conversations go!

ShyChicagoGirl · 09-17-2009, 12:21 AM

I guess I don't understand the hesitation? They are your husbands, right? I mean they love you. The chose to spend the rest of their lives with you and and vice versa. One of the biggest parts of marriage is communication. Of course they'll understand. They might have a ton of questions, but my hubby has been amazingly supportive and has probably read up on it more than I have..lol..he's like that.

If they had a medical condition would you want them to hesitate telling you? I wouldn't. I would be hurt beyond belief if my husband kept something like that from me. He's my best friend, my partner in life, my partner in everything, my soul mate, the father of my son.

Tell them, I bet you'll be surprised at the support you get

ayushka · 09-17-2009, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShyChicagoGirl

I guess I don't understand the hesitation? They are your husbands, right? I mean they love you. The chose to spend the rest of their lives with you and and vice versa. One of the biggest parts of marriage is communication. Of course they'll understand. They might have a ton of questions, but my hubby has been amazingly supportive and has probably read up on it more than I have..lol..he's like that.

If they had a medical condition would you want them to hesitate telling you? I wouldn't. I would be hurt beyond belief if my husband kept something like that from me. He's my best friend, my partner in life, my partner in everything, my soul mate, the father of my son.

Tell them, I bet you'll be surprised at the support you get

I agree with you. I would want to know if my husband had a medical disorder or problem. You are supposed to know that when you try to start a family anyway.

Mashellee04 · 09-17-2009, 02:48 AM

I too was dx after I got married, so I am not speaking from personal experince, and fortunately we had discussed what we would do if we could not have children before we said I do. I would think that the longer you wait to tell him the more upset he is going to be when you do, becasuse you kept it from him more so then what is going on with you. I would be honest about your fears and the reason why it has taken so long to tell him. He will understand. It will most likely make you closer because you are in it together. And you will feel better having him by your side to help you through this instead of using your energy worrying about how he will react. This condition has enough weight on its own without adding more stress and pressure. If you trust your husband enough to have children with him, then you can trust him with the fear that is in your heart!!!

Happy Wife · 09-17-2009, 02:56 AM

I was fortunate in the fact that my husband was with me at the dr when she gave me the diagnosis. She wanted me to come in and see her, but not for an exam. Her assistant had called me to set up an appointment and told me what the doctor wanted to see me about, that she thought I had PCOS. I went home and told my husband about the call and when my appointment was and that I wanted him to go with me. It gave him the opportuntiy to ask questions and find out about the meds I was being put on. I think it made him a little more comfortable with this whole ttc and possibly having a child thing. It was his first trip to an obgyn.

You should have seen his face when she told us that clomid increases the chance of multiples. It was priceless lol.

If you have already discussed ttc then you should be able to tell him about your medical condition. Obviously he loves you enough to marry you and wants to start a family with you he will probably be more understanding than you think. I would say something before you begin ttc. We did not know and for 18 months my husband thought it was him and was very upset. He was tested around the time I started getting tested.