Hetaera

I've been better...
today totally sucked... the baby cried from 1until 4:40 this afternoon...
he didnt nap at all today, and I was *so* concentrated on getting him to sleep... that I TOTALLY freaking forgot to give him his bottle at 3. I feel like the worst mom in the history of the world... when I realized, I got him a bottle and cried and cried as I fed him... what is wrong with me?
I was so frustrated because he wouldnt stop crying... even before he was due for his bottle that all I could think of was calming him down and getting him to sleep and I got mad... its hard to explain its not that I was mad *at* him because I know he wasnt crying to make me mad... but I was mad at the whole situation... and now I just feel horrible. while I was feeding him and crying, he started playing with my face and it almost felt like he was drying my tears... I dont deserve this beautful baby. I dont deserve this wonderful being who looks at me with so much love in his eyes...
who dispite crying a second earlier smiles as soon as I walk in the room because he thinks that Im going to make it all better. And I failed to do that today. This might not seem like a big deal to you guys... maybe Im feeling really emotional... I just felt so overwhelmed today.

Ive not been posting much this week because my husband took me to the library and I checked out a ton of books... so Ive been reading my ass off...
I go into phases like that though... I love to read...

How are you guys?

Beckles

Hello, nice to hear from you.

I was sick for a couple weeks. I had a slight breakdown this week.
I went to the docs on friday and I am waiting on lab results. I feel like she just didn't get me but we will see.

I feel like I am not "defective" enough for people to care... I am sure that is not the case.

But my weight problem is bad but to other people its like your not THAT heavy. KWIM? I have acne but apparently it only bothers me. I have a period who comes on its own terms when it wants to.

I do not have any other symptoms right now. I have put on about 20 lbs since my tubes were tied in april. So I am up to 170 and very unhappy about it leading to.. I think I may becoming depressed.
Yet sometimes I feel like I do not fit in with other Cysters because my symptoms are not enough.

I know I am probably being a drama queen. I just feel like my doctor didnt take me seriously cause my symptoms were not serious enough. A friend of mine goes to her and says shes awesome. I am hoping when my test results come back she takes me more seriously.

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MamaBecs

Haetera and Beckles, I am sorry because I can't relate to having had children...that's just not me. However, I can relate to all the other stuff... not being taken seriously enough or being considered quite fat enough, etc, etc. I am quite sure that doesn't help you any. I can only say that I am sorry you are feeling bad. It shouldn't have to be this way for us.

Beckles

Hi MamaBecs nice to see a new face here

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