It hurts

HollywoodMN · 03-06-2005, 05:29 AM

Why is it that sometimes I think about it so much more? Why is it that sometimes I can't get it off my mind and I just want to be able to hold them? I hate this. Sometimes its just something thats part of my past that I have moved on from and miss. I am better off without their father. We are not together anymore and that is what is best for both of us. But is it right to still miss them so much? I hurt sometimes when I hear a baby cry that would be about their age. I feel like I'm missing out on a great part of my life. But the worst part is, I feel guilty cause I don't wanna have kids with him. I did. But he changed all that. How can I be glad I don't have kids with him but still miss them at the same time? It just hurts and I'm not making that mistake again.

SheriKCMO · 03-06-2005, 07:07 AM

This sounds like the tangle of emotions that gets bundled up together a lot with grief, and I totally understand. The simple fact that we miss our babies and just need to grieve them must seem too easy for our brains, and they start mixing other stuff up with it all. You and their father don't need to have other children together to somehow make up for your losses or anything of the sort. It is fortunate that several of us here are able to go on and have siblings for our babies with the same dads, but it doesn't do yours a disservice to decide not to. Obviously you've decided what is best for you and him, and that is to move on. That is totally okay and healthy, and your little ones would want you to be making good choices for your future, right??

As for the pain, it does come and go...seemingly at the least convenient times. Hang in there. I'm sorry you're having a bad time.
Hugs! You'll be in my thoughts,
Sheri

HollywoodMN · 03-07-2005, 05:22 AM

Thank you Sheri. What you said does make sense. I just miss them so much and nothing I can do can never bring them back. He just seems like he doesn't care and that it was a mistake anyway. I am upset because I wish I would have at least gave them a Daddy that misses them like I do.

VivC · 03-07-2005, 07:00 PM

My hubby and I are having problems now. We were separated when I got pregnant, and we only reconciled because of Rivi. Since he's gone now, we can't ignore our problems. Some days I think we'll be fine, others I want to run as fast as I can. I don't know if we'll make it. It's made much harder by the fact that he won't go to counseling.

I said this same thing in your other post: if he wasn't your babies' father, they wouldn't have been the same babies. Maybe you never would have had them at all if he weren't their father. And I know that, like the rest of us here, you would rather have felt that love for them for the short time you were able than to have them never exist. So, I think he was the right father, even if he can't feel the same pain you feel.

And I know all about emotions getting tangled. There were good reasons to leave my hubby before, they still exist, but now they don't seem as clear. I look at him and I see Rivi (he looked just like his daddy), and part of me feels like I'd be letting Rivi down if we don't work this out. Maybe we will, maybe we won't - God, I'm glad I'm seeing a therapist!