Husband looking for some advice...

D-Game · 12-29-2006, 05:51 PM

Well basically we've found out that my wife has PCOS (a couple of months ago actually). But I'm having trouble dealing with some things. My wife is very awesome and a wonderful person to be with almost 99% of the time. But it just kills me inside to watch her get upset and angry at herself and her appearance. I try to re-assure her that she looks beautiful and very pretty, but it doesnt always work. Many times there is nothing I can do to help her know that I love her for the way she is inside. I didnt marry her because she was *HOT*, although that did help a bit

, I married her because I love her personallity and the way she and I match together. We're like the perfect team.

What are some of the things I can do to help her to feel better about herself? I'm at a loss and I think that me telling her she's beautiful may be becoming a 'canned phrase.'

HOLLAND · 12-29-2006, 06:05 PM

Welcome to SC. I live in Williamsburg so I'm not to far away from you

I know that my husband feels the same way with me. I think the way your wife is feeling is very normal for a woman that has PCOS. Just try to be as supportive and as understanding as you can be. Always let her know you are there for her and keep telling her all the wonderful things you are already doing.

Also try to get your wife to join SC. This is a wonderful site for support.

Take Care.

Queen_Pug · 12-29-2006, 06:08 PM

Stop telling her soooo much!!!! Show her you love her! Depending on your wifes personality. Act like you just met her. WOOOOOOOO HER!

supportive DH · 12-30-2006, 12:47 AM

I am a fellow Dh and I know what you are going through.. My dw was diagnosed almost 10 years ago. You may feel cheap sometimes telling her she is beautiful and you may think she is thinking yeah sure, but , she appreciates what you say and how you feel about themn but you have to also show her.. she will be experiencing alot of mood swings during treatment and you will be yelled at but be patient it gets better

ickle pands bf · 01-02-2007, 11:17 AM

hey up!

Telling her that you love her all the time may be where you are going wrong, as previous replies have said, show her that you love more often than telling her.

Telling her that you love her all the time is a good thing, however if you keep repeating it all the time, she may think that you just saying it for the sake of saying it...

Perhaps, when you notice her feeling a little down about herself you could just give her a cuddle and ask if she is doing ok, get her to talk about stuff, doesnt have to be about the PCOS, could be about anything, take her mind of off feeling low about herself.

Does she like flowers?? Have some delivered to her at home or work, with a wee note saying your thinking of her

Hope this helps ya

ceffion · 01-02-2007, 11:52 AM

hi d-game,
as a woman with pcos ,
my hubby tells me what you tell your wife which dont get me wrong is great ,
but sometimes all i want is for him to hold me without expecting anything in return
you may be surprised maybe you could give it a go ,
sometimes its worth more than a millon words
tell her that you love her for being her pcos and all that if she wants to talk about anything she knows where you are even if its just to shout at you or to have a cry
tell her take you will always be there no matter what and as long as you have each other that the two of you together can cope with anything that comes your way

hope that helps
if your wife wants to chat to anther woman with pcos she can email me id be happy to chat to her
my email is ceffi1506@aol.com
take care
helen x

D-Game · 01-02-2007, 09:10 PM

Hey all! Thanks for the replies. I dont want you guys to get the wrong idea here... I do show her and we do spend a good amount of time snuggling and spending time together. One thing I do know that is hard for me to deal with is with me being in the Navy, I go on these deployments and I am away from her for like 3 or more months at a time. When I'm out there I deal with navy people all the time and when I get back I am still sorta stuck in that mind-set and I am not used to being around my wife. So there is a phase I go through when I get back (which I have just recently returned from a 3.5 month deployment).. When I was out she got dx'd so things were not the same as I had left them so to speak. So when I come back I have to figure out how to cope with her new state of things and my 'navy mentality'.. I'm coming out of this phase (usually takes a month or so.. but holiday leave is helping alot!

About those flowers.. thats a good idea. I have not gotten her flowers for awhile now. Would be a nice touch. Thanks!

Chas1975 · 01-03-2007, 02:25 PM

Sometimes when I'm feeling low or just missing my hubby because he works so much I send him a text over the cell that just says "I luv u". Sometimes he sends me one back when he knows I'm having a rough day with the house and kids. Or, just call her up when she's not expecting it. Just to let her know you are thinking of her. I am a simple, non materialistic wife. It's takes the little things to make me happy. Leave her a message on the mirror if you have to leave before she's up. Or, if you have kids take them out for the day so she can relax at home in the quiet.

ttara123 · 01-07-2007, 04:51 PM

I say the same as everyone else - show her she's beautiful, don't just tell her. Telling her could sound like you're just saying that because you know you should. But if you pay special attention to her, surprise her with flowers or just a hug while she's cooking... I mean the little things. I know my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful, and I love when he tells me that. But I think it sinks in a lot more when I catch him admiring me while I'm getting dressed or when he just stares at me and smiles...that sounds creepy, lol! but you know what I mean... when you look over and catch someone just basking in how much they love you, it gets you a little giddy! Try and notice when she's done her hair, bought new perfume or is wearing her makeup a different way. She's doing those things to feel pretty, and having you notice will let her know that it worked

kberry · 01-08-2007, 04:22 PM

In college, my friends and I used to joke that we wished a guy would tell us we had beautiful elbows.

I know it sounds funny, but there's more truth there than you know. I agree with you about the "canned phrase." Try picking something specifical and tell her why you think it's beautiful. It says you notice.

ttara123 · 01-08-2007, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kberry

In college, my friends and I used to joke that we wished a guy would tell us we had beautiful elbows.

LOL I remember when my cousin first started dating her BF and she was completely surprised when he said "You know, you have a beautiful clavicle" :rofl:

J_MBoe · 01-10-2007, 02:25 PM

First of all I think it is wonderful that you are taking this step to find out what you can do to help her feel more comfortable.

I have to say that I agree with what the other wonderful ladies have said, it is all about the little things. Whether it is buying a single rose and leaving it on her pillow or night stand, or My husband went as far as to right I love you in soap on our bathroom mirror. They may seem silly but they count. Your wife has feelings that so many of us do, and it is a hard thing to deal with in the day in age when everything else is based on beauty. So by you doing the little things for her it shows that one you are thinking of her and two that you care about how she feels.

I am sorry if that doesn't make sense or is just rambling. I hope it helps.

Melissa

Dani · 01-18-2007, 02:45 PM

Just an idea: next time you are deployed...go to a florist before hand and prepay for flowers a few time while you are gone! That way she gets a surprise and you already have it taken care of before you leave.

I give you applause...I know my DH loves me but he has never tried to understand my PCOS and wish he would put some effort in like you are doing..

Good Luck

flyfisher · 01-24-2007, 12:40 AM

First of all, coming to this site shows that you love her and trying to find ways to support her. Hats off to you. Most DH's won't do that. That is a great step. Educate yourself about what she is going through so you will understand. That is a great thing. I understand that you are away for months at a time and are use to being with the crew on the ship, but when you return, you need to learn to get right back into the mode of being home. My husband use to be gone a lot when we were first married, but he learned to get right back into the swing of things right away. Just because he was with "the guys" most of the time didn't give him an excuse to treat me like one of the guys. Try to shorten the length of time it takes to get back into the homelife each time you leave and come back. Your wife needs your support all the time, not just after the first month you get back home. Second, do what you've been doing. Keep reminding her and showing her how beautiful and special she it to you. You are doing a great job. Third, just be there and listen. she needs you to listen to her and be there for her when she just wants a shoulder to cry on. Encourage her to keep seeking treatment and help. To me, knowing that my dh loves me and is there for me makes it a lot easier for me to deal with the things I face daily. It keeps me going. You are doing a great job!!!