A Husband's View of PCOS - Page 8

ekuhr · 06-05-2007, 12:16 PM

Hi Neechogan. I just decided to pop in and check out the "husbands and Boyfriends thread". I'm glad I did. I don't know how receptive your wife or you for that matter are to alternative therapies, but I have a suggestion if you want. I personally had a lot of problems with depression and mood swings. The depression almost took over my life, it was horrible!!! One day though I decided I wasn't going to let it win!!! I decided to fight back.

My PCOS has drove me mad since 1999 and I am just now getting a handle on it. Fortunately for me and my husband I don't have a problem with intimacy anymore, but there was a time that I did. I have tried many tactics to get my PCOS in control. Actually birth control pills helped me stay even tempered to some extent but if you and your wife are trying to conceive that isn't an option. I have recently come across acupuncture and chinese herbs to treat my PCOS and it has done absolute wonders for me. My moods have evened out and my other ailments with it are starting to get better also. Not to mention the fact that my periods ( I know too much info for a guy!!

) have started to come again on their own and it has been at least 3 years since that has happened. I feel better and I do have more of a sex drive than before. That is my soap box for acupuncture. It worked for me maybe it will for your wife, and it could help with your intimacy problem right now also.

Now acupuncture can work with the physical ailments, but I believe that you and your wife might need some counseling. I don't mean that as a bad thing...so please don't take it that way. I've just been there before and mine ended in divorce. My ex and I just drifted so far away that there was no help. I don't want you and your wife to get that far. I wish I would have seeked counseling with him and maybe we could have become closer again. I have the "what ifs" don't be that way. I can tell you love her very much so I would think anything would be worth a try. I feel for you and your wife and pray that you all can work it out. There is endless support on this thread, and someone is always here to listen!!

Take care,

Erin

biker_jt · 06-17-2007, 01:24 PM

Neechogan, i am new to the situation and i have not been with my wife as long as you have been with yours but i can see the same things starting to happen. i just want to tell you thanks, your posts are one of the things helping keep me sane. we are still newly weds and trying to concive but what teh dr's told my wife is that they will put her on birth control and once her hormones are under control from that, they guessed 2-3 months, they will switch to fertility drugs to make it better to concive. i posted a new thread if you have any feed back that you feel would help i would apricate it.

biker_jt · 06-17-2007, 01:26 PM

what sort of herbal stuff are you taking? that sounds like it might be something to talk to my wife about

biker_jt · 06-17-2007, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by runningbird

My wife is the best wife in the world!

I can not understand how you can say that you actually care about your wife when all you are posting about is your sexual relationship.
Sex isn't everything in a relationship.

It sounds like you and your wife are needing help.

This is a HUGE, MAJOR thing that is going on with your wife and you should be more empathetic or at least understanding.

For months my wife has been diagnosed with PCOS and I've heard about it from her but really never took an active role on figure out what she really was going through.

Tonight I have read and read all I could to figure out what is going on with her.

I feel like an jerk for not figuring out more to help her earlier.

I'm going to make sure she starts taking her medication and figure out all the ways I can help.

My wife has all of the normal stuff mood swings and all and yes sometimes we have our bad days.

Everyday I wake up next to my beautiful wife and remember why I'm alive.

You should really think back to what she really means to you, is she really worth loosing?

I know if I ever lost my wife I would loose everything in my world.

Let me say this one more time SEX ISN"T EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!

Help your wife help herself, see what her depression is about or find help for her.

Don't run away help her.

Anyways enough of my rant after reading some of these post and realizing the seriousness of PCOS it has changed me.

dude! did you even read what was typed or just what you wanted to see? it takes alot of balls to open up the way he did about seriously personal issues and you just go and tear into him w/out reading what was acculy typed, comments like this from you and few others are why almost no guys are willing to step up and say what they are feeling. i think Neechogan is right. i mena great you aren't having the same problems he is, good for you, i however can see the same symptoms in my wife and it helps having his post bc we can talk about it and i don't feel that i am the only one going through this. you may not realize this but it is a very lonely and depressing feeling.

wombat woman · 06-17-2007, 09:15 PM

Yeah it's also lonely and depressing having PCOS too. I think runningbird sounds like a sweetheart, supportive, loving, caring and empathetic and prepared to do research/homework to do all he can for his wife. Kudos to YOU runningbear.

I am still offended by the OP's previous posts and more so offended for his wife. Maybe it would make more sense to you if I put it this way so you might understand a bit better.

Say you were having erection problems and could no longer get it up. Would it be fair to say you would be embarassed? humiliated? withdrawn from your partner? feel less like a "real" man? Now say your wife went to a public forum FOR men who had erection problems and starting whinging to their wives/girlfriends about how she never gets sex, is not satisfied, is thinking of gettig a f*&^ buddy, is thinking of leaving her husband because he will not/cannot perform in bed, isn't the husband she married because he is turning away from her blah blah blah. How would you feel? oh and remember women are more sensative to this stuff, especially ones with hormonal problems so multiply that by oh say...1000.

Now pretend she came to the same forum and asked for advice and support with real intentions of implementing the good advice given. Pretend she asked about other things and did some research to get to know more about her husband's condition and why he is acting like he is. Pretend she mentions that it must be hell to have to BE the one suffering the symptoms.

See the difference? It's called empathy, the world doesn't revolve around your sexual needs. I guess I just consider other things more important, like my man's health and happiness.

So a long time ago I told myself to stay away from here as it was upsetting me. I am extra sensative at the moment too, so I will go and not return, for me, not for the posters who want me gone.

I just don't think the OP is ever going to get it so maybe as previous posters have suggested it is best that he move on with his life. I think his wife deserves better. Let's just hope that his next partner/s don't have any health problems and that he can still get an erection, then life will be perfect for him.

biker_jt · 06-18-2007, 01:03 AM

ok wombat woman you seem to have the same reading problem as running bird, he is saying this out of frustration and in the next sentence saying that he loves his wife, have you never said something you didn't acculy mean when you were frustrated? and i'm sorry but it seems to me that you are not seeing the point here this thread and this section is for the husbands and boyfriends, yes it is a good place to get info but it is also a place to vent to people who know what your going thru, the women have multipal rant threads, why are the men not allowed to? this effects us too, yes the physical problems don't but the emotional and mental effects can be just as devisating to a man, have you thought of that? if you only point of posting in these threads is to tear down the poster i would ask that you not bother bc you are more of a hinderance then a help.

Snoozeforsuz · 06-18-2007, 03:36 AM

Good for you Biker! And, good luck to all of you guys out there who are trying your best to make things work and understand what your women are going through.

Rant all you want. Ignore those who try to marginalize you!

Suz

Neechogan · 06-18-2007, 12:58 PM

Thank you Biker_jt. Finally, someone who has some idea what I'm going through!

wombat woman! When I think of a wombat, I think of a disgusting, smelly rodent. Where I'm from, wombat woman, we call them rats. I think you are a rat and several other wonderful things, one of which starts with a "b" and ryhmes with "itch." I came her after searching for a long time for some support and a forum inwhich to rant. All I got was chastising from people such as you and that "runningbird."

I love how people just take things out of context. Wombat woman, you only read what you wanted to read. I'm sorry if you are offended by some of the things you have read in this post.

The truth of the matter is folks is that I am a man who is slowly losing his wife to a medical condition that the f*&^king doctors don't seem to know nothing about. I never, never, never, never cheated on my wife and nor do I want to despite the fact that it was my wife's damn suggestion. My wife and I had a happy, loving marriage where there was a lot of intimacy, not just physical.

Do you know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep every night because your partner and best friend doesn't want you to hold her like you used to, dooesn't want to kiss you good night, doesn't want to touch you while you make love! Well, do you RAT!?

I'm not one to go around quoting people; however, a really famous person once said, "Do not be critical of the sliver in my eye until you've taken care of the rafter in yours." I think that you have some serious issues, RAT. Does it make you feel better about your own relationship by criticizing mine and by chastising me for seeking comfort and the advice of some of the guys out there who are experiencig the same thing but have found a way to be at peace with it? How dare you bully me, RAT!

Some of you may be critical of the tone I'm taking with RAT right now, but I've taken just about enough crap from the rodent as I can stand. I came to this web site looking for support but found none. The "Husbands and Boyfriends" discussion board was created for the mysters who are seeking support and advice from other mysters but I don't see any of them here and obviously for good reason. Why should any of these men spill their guts and talk about how PCOS affects them when people like the RAT attack them.

As you can probaly tell, I'm really p.o'd right now.

My prayers are with you RAT. I hope you find the peace you seek. STOP F***KING PICKING ON ME. I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

charlieoz · 06-21-2007, 07:58 PM

Hi,
I suffer from PCOS and i was put onto Metformin, it's a drug treatment for Diabetes Type II and it completely changed me. I lost weight, became an awful lot happier and my sex drive increased, it made the world of difference....i had to do a lot of demanding for it to my doctor..give it a go. I hope it gets better, good luck

Morrigan · 06-21-2007, 09:42 PM

Neechogan, my hubby I'm sure feels the same way. He didn't understand in the beginning and thought I was just making it up, because it wasn't so common years ago. We would fight constantly and sometimes we would go as far as 6 months without being intimate. After being on Met. things started getting better, and 6 yrs later we are at an ok point in our relationship. Just remember this is as hard for her as it is for you, the best thing to do is continue loving her and give her as much support as you can. I have one child from a previous, only because I concieved before PCOS hit me full force I was 18 at the time. Since then I haven't been able to concieve to save my life. Hubby's co workers have been having children right and left....he won't even mention it to me, he hides the announcments so I won't get upset....its really hard seeing someone else have all the babies they want. So I feel your pain. There is a great support system thes ladies have here, we are glad to have you here and would like to see your wifejoin as well. Stay strong, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Shejayd · 06-27-2007, 09:41 PM

Neechogan
I just wanted to add my 2 cents about Metformin and scary wife syndrome.

DH and I have a wonderful marriage, but it wasnt always like that. It seemed like right after we got married, everything went down hill. I had completely lost myself, gave up on my self, suffered miscarriage after miscarriage (i have a problem with STAYING pregnant, not getting pregnant), and fell apart. And I would take it all out on DH. We had no love, no sex, I think we went 6 months as the longest without being intimate.
Finally, in April 05 I was diagnosed as bi-polar depressive, and was put on anti-depressents, they didnt help, if anything they made things worse. A year, almost to the day later, I had had another miscarriage, and thought, there has to be something wrong, and then I missed my period for 3 months, so i changed doctors, and went and did some testing.
After my testing, it was dicovered that I was NOT bi-polar, I had innsulin resistance due to PCOS and diagnosed with PCOS, which can mask itself to look like depression ie> weight gain, low self esteem, no motivation and lack of libido, and last but not least, scary wife syndrom (mood swings).
My doctor perscribed Metformin for me, and for the first 3 months, i had cramps and diareha like crazy!!! Finally, the symptoms settled down, and i had noticed that that dark cloud that had been following me around disapreared. I began having feeling for my husband again, and started to enjoy sex more often, and got my motivation to clean house and cook and work back.
On top of this however, i have anxiety disorder, which makes me a little scared to go back to work, and kinda make me feel a little low sometimes. But all in all the Metformin helped me a lot, and DH is blessed that this drug exists, because without it, i think we would be divorced by now.
Good luck.

drake · 06-28-2007, 12:19 PM

Neechogan,

Hang tough, bro. I've had the same problem for about 5 yrs and I'm only 39.

I generally don't post because this forum dosen't really allow discussion as the flames sent towards you show. There are a lot of us out here reading the forum, we just don't have your stones. I hope it works out for you.

flubby · 06-28-2007, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neechogan

Some of you may be critical of the tone I'm taking with RAT right now, but I've taken just about enough crap from the rodent as I can stand. I came to this web site looking for support but found none. The "Husbands and Boyfriends" discussion board was created for the mysters who are seeking support and advice from other mysters but I don't see any of them here and obviously for good reason. Why should any of these men spill their guts and talk about how PCOS affects them when people like the RAT attack them.

As you can probaly tell, I'm really p.o'd right now.

My prayers are with you RAT. I hope you find the peace you seek. STOP F***KING PICKING ON ME. I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wombat woman made a very valid point. Where you are now with your erection problems is pretty much where your wife was when her PCOS started.

You have had some very good and intimate advice in this thread. Please remember that everyone using this board has the same pain as you and try not to insult other users.

If other men feel they cannot post hate filled posts on this board as a result of this thread then they are right! No one has the right to use this board to insult anyone.

Neechogan · 06-29-2007, 03:02 PM

It really bothers me when people take things out of context or maybe I was so upset when I was writing the post that wombat woman was referring to in her last post that I couldn't get across what I was really trying to say.

I have Type II Diabetes and have had it for 10 years. Its an epidemic in the aboriginal community here in Canada. I was genetically predisposed to it and had a pretty good lifestyle eventhough I was a little overweight. The problems with ED started about 8 months ago and I was presribed the little blue pill. However, its not working anymore and my Dr. thinks its performance anxiety.

What a lot of women out the women who have commented on this thread don't realize that PCOS is emotionally difficult for us men. It damages our psche and our self-esteem when we can't get our wives pregnant. It hurts even more when you all of a sudden go from being able to completely satsfy your partner's needs to not being able to arouse your partner at all. It hurts when you initiate and 5 minutes later you feel like giving up in frustration because your partner is not responding to you. It hurts to think that your partner is only having sex with you because she feels obligated to.

I don't know if there are any men out there who are experiencing this. How many of you out there have seen their wive's libidos completely disappear? How many men out there whose wives have lost their libidos feel like they're raping their wives whenever they have sex? I do and it's destroying me inside. I cry myself to sleep a lot because I don't feel like a man anymore.

I came to this forum looking for at least someone out there in this big world who knows and understands exactly what the hell I'm going through. Instead what I got was someone suggesting that there is a problem with my marriage, someone who suggested I get a divorce and someone who, almost everytime I post chose to attack me and my integrity and my love for my wife. It is also been implied that I'm some sort of pervert and that sex isn't everything. Well if sex wasn't such an important part of marriage, then why are so many marriages ending becasue of adultery and why is a website like AshleyMadison.com making someone very rich?

While these people are in the minority, I do appreciate the advice that others have given. While I appreciate the perspective that the women bring to this thread, I am looking to hear from other men.

Thank you Drake and biker_jt for speaking up. Keep it up.

As for wombat woman, I don't regret saying what I did. I am tired of being attacked everytime I come here. I'm sure some of you will criticize me and maybe even hate me. Someone else took her to task long before I did, shortly after I started posting here, but did it stop her? No. I'm just sorry it took me this long to stand up for myself.

justrosy · 06-29-2007, 11:59 PM

Hey Neechogan,
this is the first time I've looked at the "partner page", but I think you're awesome. I wish my hubby cared that much. I guess I'm a "twisted cyster", but I'm the opposite of the low libedo ladies. No, I'm not coming on to you, lol. But I know it totally stinks when your spouse is cold and unresponsive. I very much understand what it's like to cry in bed when significant other is sleeping.

Hang in there. You probably don't need your "little blue pill"... you need a confidence pill. I know for a LOOOONG time I felt bad for my hubby. I was a size 4 when we married... now I'm ..uh.. not. Usually my self-esteem issues were the worst when my hormones were thrown crazy. My libedo was the lowest when I was on birth controll. So... it was a mixed bag. I either was ok hormonaly and felt guarded, or was ok hormone wise but felt supremely unattractive.

Your wife is a very lucky lady. Go spend lots-o time together, hobbies like friendly massage or dancing are nice. We play cards

This too shal pass.

Just rosy