husband troubles

Dayna Bear · 04-23-2004, 04:55 AM

I just wanna tell you how great you guys are. My husband is a wonderful man but unfortunately he has no desire to read up on PCOS or come in here. I think he thinks if he ignores PCO it'll just go away. Lucky for him I dont have severe symptoms.

The thing is he is a big computer game freak, world war II games mostly so it hurts a little bit that he won't spend any time on our PC for me.

Another issue is and I know It'll make me sound like a freak (and tmi), but my husband and my sex drives are out of whack. I have a much higher sex drive and I think that me always being "available" sorta turns him off, I'm also concerned because he has put quite abit of weight on and I'm worried about it effecting his health and our lovemaking. I know he loves me and he's not cheating but it effects my self esteem.

It's now turned into a situation where I think why bother, do I really wanna hear, i'm too tired, tomorrow night or some other excuse he comes up with. It's not about the frequency of sex cause although I'd like it more I can handle once a week it's just his attitude??

Any suggestion or advice would be appreciated. Thanks heaps

blueridgegirl · 04-23-2004, 03:18 PM

Hi Dayna!

I can understand your feelings. With my husband, it's that he doesn't want to hear all the "gory details." It embarasses him to know what's going on with my girl parts, although it is getting better. He is going to have to get even more comfortable when I actively seek TTC. Maybe it's that your husband doesn't want to know the specifics, just what he can do to help? Many men are like that - "Let me fix it and then we can wuit talking about it."

With the sex thing, I was like that several years ago and then I realized that it was more my need for affection than the actual sex. In that instance, I can take care of it myself (if what I am after is the sex thing), though by myself is not the optimal possibility. My husband was also not so turned on that I was available all the time. I just backed off some, and that worked. Actually, it is much better now (for the last year or two) than it has ever been. A lot of that I contribute to the idea that I actually like my body and present that feeling outwardly as well. Not being scared that he likes it or not has helped me like it myself (if he didn't like it, he wouldn't be around it, eh?)

Good luck. I hope it straightens out for you!
Kim in NC, USA

TxHubby · 04-23-2004, 10:39 PM

Dayna Bear - I'm not real sure on what advice to give you. I'm just like you - in that I'm always available to my DW. I tell her all the time..." I'm never too tired, too sick, too mad, too anything, to pass up sex. "

Our sex drives (mine & DW's) are quite a bit different as well. Mine's much higher than hers, although I think part of the problem is like what blueridgegirl said - my DW doesn't like the way her body looks & doesn't see herself as sexy, therefore she doesn't feel sexy most of the time....despite me telling her on a daily basis how beautiful & sexy I think she is...that only goes so far, though...she's got to actually believe it herself in order to feel that way. She is trying to get better about it, and has made some good progress, I must say...so I'm lucky in that she's at least willing to try to get better about it...but at the same time, I don't want her to agree to sex, just to make me feel better, or out of sympathy...I only truly enjoy it if she's enjoying it also...and she's promised me that she would never agree to it, if she didn't really want to do it, so I have to trust her on that.

You might just want to do like blueridgegirl said & try to not be so available (does that make sense?) just don't bring it up or press the issue for awhile & see how he reacts to that.

Like I said, I can't really relate...because I'm always in the mood !!
But hopefully this will help you a little bit. Let us know what you try & how it works out.

Wishing you the best of luck !!!

Dayna Bear · 04-26-2004, 09:48 PM

Thanks for your help guys. I wouldn't say that I have issues with my body, I am comfortable in my body and I am just as sexually confident as I've always been. I don't have major symptoms of PCO (just a few stray hairs in unwanted places) at this stage and range between an aussie size 14/16.

The thing that has changed is my husbands attitude towards sex (although there are no complaints from this weekend). I actually think he has something called Cushings syndrome/disease and that affects your sex drive. I really want him to get it checked out but he thinks I'm being silly. He has all the symptoms and I'm concerned. I try the playing hard to get thing but it's just not me. See I sometimes think I'm married to the weirdest man alive because he really loves hugging and affection, so I'm not lacking in the love and affection department blueridgegirl and our relationship is great so it's not from a strained relationship or falling out of love with me.

Anyway will keep you informed of our progress and whether I get him to a doctor.