A Husband's View of PCOS - Page 2

ellie_anna · 09-14-2006, 10:24 PM

Neechogan, Glad to hear from you again.

I think what you felt about your brothers child is pretty normal. For Dh and I, I think the hardest part is watching other people around us get pregnant. It is especially difficult when DH nieces come to visit. When they are here we truly love spending time with them. Its after they leave that we crave a child of our own even more.

As far as your wife's side effects with metformin go, its possible that they will pass. Or that she will notice them less. If she is not already visiting this site, I would highly reccommend it. She can get questions answered regarding metformin, or find out about other options.

Again....best of luck to both you and your wife! I'm also glad that you have found a place to rant! I think the opportunity to rant is what keeps us all sane! LOL

meltygum · 09-15-2006, 10:53 AM

Metformin is a good start for her, you should tell her to start taking it again in small doses then increase after a couple of weeks, ya know to let her physically adjust so the side effects don't hit her so hard. I was given 500mg to start and it really did help alot with the symptoms.
You should feel free to rant and rave , I know I do and so does my Darling Husband with me and sometimes all on his own. Don't feel alone because your not, there are other guys out there too who deal with what you have to. You sound like a great guy for standing by your wife through this. I apreciate my DH even if I can't show it through the fustration sometimes. I'm sure she loves you and appreciates you for all that you do.

Looking4Hope · 09-17-2006, 09:45 PM

It sounds like you are doing the right thing Neechogan. You seem like you are trying to be understanding and supportive. My marriage fell apart partially due to my inability to have children, and my lack of sex drive. Not because he left me but because he made me feel like less of a woman because I could not give him what he wanted. I left him because I could not take being made to feel like everything was my fault because I wasn’t good enough.

flubby · 09-24-2006, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macrod

The symptoms are manageable but only if you want to get better.

I would like to add here that symptoms are not always manageable no matter how much you want to get better and telling a sufferer to get off her a*** isn't at all helpful.
I think the OP came here looking for some suggestions as to how he can help the woman he loves not for people to insult and judge her.

flubby · 09-24-2006, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neechogan

I sometimes think that I might be putting too much pressure on her. I've backed off a little bit and I've been looking for other ways to be intimate with her. I've decided to approach the lack of respnse a bit differently. Instead of showing my dissapointment by pouting, I've reassured her that it was okay and held her instead. I could hear a bit of a sigh of relief the first time I did it. I don't know how long I could keep that up without feeling frustrated again.

I find it impossible to believe my partner finds me desireable and so that makes intimacy very difficult for me. I know he loves me and this makes me think he is faking it all out of love for me. I know intimacy is about love but I need to feel desirable to relax. I wonder if this is what is going on with your wife.

macrod · 09-25-2006, 05:21 PM

I only said what I said because the man sounds like a Saint. But even a saint has his limits. He does not deserve to be dumped on. And yes, I would say it again.

flubby · 09-25-2006, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by macrod

I only said what I said because the man sounds like a Saint. But even a saint has his limits. He does not deserve to be dumped on. And yes, I would say it again.

Just because he is a saint doesn't mean his wife is sat on her a*** all day or using her pcos as an excuse or dumping on her husband or any of the other things you said about her.
This is a support board, where we try to understand each other isn't it?

Neechogan · 09-25-2006, 07:35 PM

Well,

I'm flattered to think that people would be willing to describe me as a saint. Far from it really. There was a time before I started to learn about PCOS that I said some things to my wife that were very mean and unloving. My wife's particpation level in sex can be said to be non-existent. One person described on this thread what it is like for her - I believe she indicated that she just lays there and well, for years not knowing why or understand what is happening to her body caused a lot of anger and frustration and I caught myself calling her names like "ice queen" and "frigid b***ch." I would give anything to be able to go back in time and stop myself from saying those things.

I guess part of the problem is that we are both struggling to understand what is happening and why it has taken this huge toll on us. I am though realizing that I should have been more patient and not so quick to judge.

I did have a nice heart to heart with her about a week ago and she has started to take her meds again. I am so relieved. We also had a special "session" a week and a half ago and we're trying to piece together what was in place to make it easier for her to have sex. Anyways, we hanging in there.

ellie_anna · 09-27-2006, 01:04 AM

Neechogan,

Glad to hear things are going better for you! Open communication is a great place to start! Hope things continue to get better!

KikiB · 10-01-2006, 06:58 AM

Neechogan,

It is very important for many reasons for you wife to take her Metformin. I also want to recommend a couple books for you to read. They are by Dr. Elizabeth Vliet, and the ones I have are the following:

Women, Weight and Hormones
It's my Ovaries, Stupid! (I love that title)
Savvy Woman's Guide to PCOS

They are all very good books, and cover somewhat different aspects of women's hormones.

What Dr. Vliet does mention on her books that she likes to do is start medications at a low dose, and slowly increase them. That way, the patient avoids many side-effects of medications when it's done this way. So, instead of your wife being put on 500mg Metformin TID(not sure of dose), maybe they start her out on 250mg once or twice a day until her body adjusts to that dose, and gradually increase her dose over a few weeks. I have read about this in her books, and she gives more exact doses than I can, as I haven't been put on Metformin, yet. Her motto for medication is, "Start low and go slow". Have your wife try Metformin in that way, and see if it helps.

Kaylene

ickle pands bf · 10-02-2006, 12:13 PM

neechogen, am glad to see that things are coming together for you, i have also caught myself saying something to my GF, that at the time i thought was an innocent comment, until i saw the look on her face when i turned round, it broke my heart to think that i had said that and not realised the implications of it, she is very understanding and realising that she has had a head start on me learnin about the condition that she has.

I hope that everything continues to progress for you.....

tigir · 10-02-2006, 01:42 PM

Neechogen ~ If Met does not seem to be helping or she can't handle the side effects you might look into some Alternative Remedies, there is a forum on those here.

I am currently not on any meds, just having a healthy diet which includes eating 1/2 tsp of cinnamon a day (has been shown to regulate insulin levels) and excercising at least 30min a day - both strength and cardio. The healthy diet and excercise are things your wife needs to do whether or not she is on meds, there sadly is no such thing as a magic pill.

I have three daughters of my own, conceived naturally. There is hope!

Keep supporting her the way you are, I think when she can really see that you are thinking of her it can help. I wish you the best of luck!

dwrm73 · 10-22-2006, 12:23 AM

hey I"m new at this thing. Being here and to PCOS as well. I know in my heart I felt like I"ve just had my whole world stolen from me when I found out abt ( please pardon my language) this ****ing curse called PCOS. I think that's all it is is a curse to those of us who want nothing more than to be daddies and mommies. I have a brother who was 2 kids as well and he pretty much wants nothing to do with them. Me I just want to rip him apart and flush him to hell where in my mind he belongs. His youngest daughter is absolutlely gorgeous with green eyes and flame red hair. But you think he'd want something to do with her..... NO just to make her mom's life miserable. I also have 2 younger brothers who are with women who had 2 kids each before they hooked up with my brothers. Now both of them have 2 of their own and when they told me abt their wives being pregnant I felt like God himself came down and ripped my guts out

My wife's family can be just as bad. Her Granny ( god bless her) is 80 odd yr old and she can't seem to grasp the idea one of her family might have difficulty getting pregnant. But in a brighter sight my wife has been taking Metformin and now Clomid which is kinda of a god send in my eyes. I think I can deal with the mood swings and ooohhhhh boy trust me they are there in the final effort for us to have our own family. A small price to pay in my eyes for me to become a daddy( which I never realized how much I've wanted before this). I have yahoo and MSN messaging if anyone want to IM me. My yahoo is dwrm73 and MSN is newfieman73@hotmail.com. Please feel free to contact me cause I know we can't really talk to our wives abt all of our feelings so we might as well talk to each other right? Finally why can't other ppl just shut up and listen when they are being told abt why we can't have children? Sometimes I wish that they themselves could just go though what we go through to have kids. I'm not a resentful kind of guy but it comes out when idiots open their mouths with their useless input. I apoligize if it seems like I've ranted and raved but it felt good to get somethings off my chest for once. I suggest talking it over with your wife and letting it all out and pretty much let the cards fall where they may. My wife is taking 4 pills of 500mg of Metformin a day so I think she's serious abt having a baby as much as I am. She has told me( during a mood swing I might add) that she was sorry she is broken

and maybe I should go find another woman to have babies with. I've told her that I don't want babies with any other woman but her and by God come hell or high water I will have babies with her

Neechogan · 10-24-2006, 10:30 PM

Its been a while since I've been here and since my last visit, my wife had a fight over sex. My wife was diagnosed with the "curse" a couple of years ago; however, thinking back and knowing what I know now, she's had the "curse" for the last 6.5 years. Over that period of time, I had noticed that her sex drive was in steady decline. She doesn't participate in sex anymore, just lays there. But it was never like that before the curse. She seems to think that her level of activity was because she was young and stupid. The fact is that she just doesn't touch me during sex anymore and its been like this for a long time.

Well, to be honest with everyone - I'm not a saint. I've become very bitter, very angry, and very resentful and I'm ashamed to say that I have taken this frustration out on her. I'm not physically abusive and I will never lay a hand on her. But I have said things that are hurtful and I have searched for a "f***k buddy" and had some interest but never followed through on it.

My wife has admitted that she has no sex drive and has said that all I think about is sex. But I don't think I'm obsessed - I miss the intimacy we used to share. It now takes her forever to have an orgasm when at one time it was easy. My wife's "no drive" and the symptoms that go along - no touching, no oral. When we had our last fight a week ago she said that our sex life is no different than that of any other couple's. Is she right? Is it normal for a wife to completely ignore her husband's sexual needs? I've never asked her to do anything that she hasn't done before.
Do I need to lower my expectations and accept the fact that for the rest of marriage will consist of 3 kisses, a push away, me performing oral sex, she having an orgasm, intercourse, sex?

I'm only hearing from the cycsters out there. What about you mysters? Are any of you experiencing this? How are you dealing with it, how are you coping? Will it get any better or should I seek out a surrogate lover as my wife suggests?

I don't feel like a man anymore because I can't get my wife aroused and its killing me.

Liloppy · 10-24-2006, 11:09 PM

I can totally understand how you are feeling. Even though I am a wife, I tend to have the lack of sex drive and I know that it drives my hubby nuts. This is something that isn't fair to either husband or wife. I am glad that you are trying to get emotional support for you and are trying to help your wife. My husband has really no clue on what is going on with me and that is a shame. I wish you lots of luck.