I can't believe this is happening :(

Maja · 04-01-2005, 06:32 PM

DH and I only TTC for 3 months but I was soo worried it will take us forever because I have PCOS. So when I saw those 2 lines a few weeks ago I was sooo excited. It took 4 pregnancy tests in order for me to believe that it's true, one of them digital that spelled it out for me .
I had my pg symptoms, I was tired all the time, my back hurt and my nipples hurt. Then on Sunday I was extremely tried all day, I was cramping and nauseaus and I knew something was wrong, On Monday my pg symptoms were gone and I started spotting, I called the dr. and wanted them to tell me that everything is ok. I went in Tuesday, got a very faint positive on a pee test, by now I was bleeding heavily and freaking out. They did a blood test and the results were 136. I was hoping for a miracle with the second blood test, but the nurse just called and the numbers are going down, 54

.

I'm in total shock, how can this be happening to me???? I didn't do anything wrong??? I didn't even use nail polish ever since I found out because I didn't want ANYTHING to happen to my baby. I avoided drinking green tea, because I wanted to make sure it's ok to drink while pg. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I haven't had sex since we found out because I didn't want to disturb anything in there .

I know I was only 5 weeks pg or so, but I'm soooooooooooo miserable right now

. I just feel so empty. I know I can probably have another baby, but I want THIS baby. I want my baby THIS November just like I'm supposed to.

*sigh* thanks for letting me vent, I've been crying in my DH's arms and on the phone with my mom since my dr's appt. I knew in my heart that it was already too late.

Maja

beth26 · 04-01-2005, 06:56 PM

I am sooo sorry this is happening to you guys !!! (((((HUGS)))) I can't even imagine what your going through.

saluki_fan · 04-01-2005, 07:02 PM

I am SO sorry that this is happening to you. I wish we never had to go through anything like this. It is very hard to lose your child, surely one of the hardest things a woman may have to go through. Please keep in mind it is NOT your fault and has nothing to do with anything you did.

We are all here to support you. Feel free to send me a PM if you'd like to talk more.

thing1 · 04-01-2005, 08:43 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this. I lost all of mine at 5 weeks too. The first one was definitely a shocker and I experienced a lot of the feelings you have expressed. Somehow I just never considered a m/c would happen to me, that it happened to "other people".

I don't know what to say except that time helps some. Yet here I sit a year later and I've been bawling my eyes out for a week though. A lot of us were due these past 3 months and I think that's causing some old feelings to resurface for me.

I too tried to do everything right... avoid caffine, etc.

Good Luck and don't be afraid to ask your Dr. for some counseling references if you need them. My OB/GYN's office didn't do much "hand-holding", somehow 5 weeks is meaningless to them. But my GP was very understanding as she had an early m/c as well. That helped a lot!

Take care,
Suze

xtine_m · 04-01-2005, 09:39 PM

Hi! I am sorry for your loss and I know nothing I say can make you feel better. It really hurts but things get better later on, just take it one day at a time. M/Cs are very traumatic and most of the time I question God why we have to go through it. Sometimes, I think it's even unfair because I have friends who know they are pregnant and still smoke and drink but they deliver healthy babies. Like you, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I watched what I eat, I took care of myself but still m/cd. I just think life is so ironic.

You will be in my thoughts.

CathyWood · 04-02-2005, 05:53 PM

I am so sorry. IF you want to chat I would be willing to listen.

kwannabee · 04-02-2005, 06:49 PM

I'm so very sorry...its just not right for one person to go through so much pain...we've all been there and youre not alone...i wish you and your dh peace and comfort...

hugs

kim

VivC · 04-04-2005, 04:47 AM

((HUGS))

You didn't do anything wrong, sweetie. You just got hit with the worst thing that could ever happen to someone - sometimes it just happens. I wish none of us had to be here.

"I know I was only 5 weeks pg or so" - somebody on here once said that you're a mommy from the moment of conception, that you know, deep down, from that first second. I'm so sorry about your baby, and I hope my little guy, Rivi, is showing them around right now, and holding them extra tight since you can't.

Be gentle with yourself, and lean on hubby as much as you need to.

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 04-04-2005, 11:56 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug right now, because I know that empty feeling you're having right now. Nothing else can fill that emptiness. Like Viv said, it's nothing you did. You did everything right. I know that makes it even harder to take. Life just isn't fair. After both of my losses there were highly publicised news stories of women who abaondoned their newborn babies. I remember thinking, how could God allow these ingrates to reproduce. Why aren't they the ones with PCOS and infertility issues.
What do you mean "Only 5 weeks or so..." ? That was still your baby. That was five weeks of bonding. That was five life changing weeks. You will never be the same. You still suffered a huge loss. You have every right to grieve, and to feel everything you are feeling right now.
I'm glad you have DH to lean on. Be kind to your self, allow time for grieving, and for healing.

Gina
A person is a person, no matter how small.
Dr. Suess

stillhavehope · 04-05-2005, 03:52 PM

Maja ~ I'm so sorry for your loss and so sorry you had to go through this. There are no words to describe the loss in your heart right now. Like the other cysters said it was nothing you did or could have done to prevent it. It is terribly unfair and you are a member of a "club" you never ever intended on joining. The support from the wonderful women on this board has helped me through many recent days of sadness and heartbreak. Please lean on us ~ we are here for you and have experienced the loss you are feeling now. ((((HUGS))))

Sherry