about any of this. Right now I just need to ramble. My emotions are a jumble and I am cramping and bleeding heavily. I should have been prepared for this. I knew it was going to happen since my trip to the ER a few nights ago, but I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it. In a way I feel even getting pregnant was a blessing, on the other hand I'm so damned angry right now about everything. Do even have a right to be angry? I mean when I went to the ER they did the ultrasound and all they saw was the gestational sac. Hell, I don't even know if there was anything in it, but it feels like a part of me has been ripped away just the same. My poor sweetie doesn't know what to say, what to do to comfort me. I feel like laying in bed and crying, but then the pain gets too intense and I have to get up and walk around. He's telling me very little about how he feels about this situation, because he is trying to be strong for me. I don't know what I need and I don't know what I want. I wish the pregnancy symptoms would go away and leave my body in peace already, but at the same time, I am treasuring them because they are a part of something that was special for a brief time. Am I just plain nuts?
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I'm on a bit of a posting spree this morning but i know as much as i can ramble on theres nothing i can say to make you feel better right now, except to say that we're here for you and when you feel angry or sad or whatever you feel...we all understand. Please take care of yourself and your hubby...
You sound totally normal to me... it's awful. Just let your poor heart feel everything that comes along. It's grief, and we just have to get through it. Things do get better over time, but right now, I'll be thinking of you in this terrible pain.
Hugs!
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I personally feel you have every right to feel angry. You have every right to feel ANYTHING you feel right now. Don't fight what you're feeling at any particular time because it might not be what someone else felt/feels/thinks you should feel. This is YOUR grief. You need and have every right to deal with it and work through it in the way you feel is right for you. That being said, I just want to send you some (((((HUGS))))). My heart hurts for you right now, and I pray that you can and will find some comfort during this terrible time.
Lots of hugs and love,
Becca
__________________ Rebecca ~ 35
DH Matt ~ 39
Married 11-20-04
TTC for 5 years...never pregnant.
Hoping for a miracle...
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Ladies, for your support, your kind word, for not minimizing how I feel, for understanding my need to talk. I have read ALL of the posts on this board. I wish there was no need for this board at all. I'm consistantly amazed at the strength that pours through the postings I read, and I keep wondering where you all find it from? Today I went to work for the first time in almost a week. I am still crampy, still bleeding, but I feel a little better having gone in and having been useful somehow. My co - worker made me cry today. Not on purpose, but because she was so thoughtful and sweet. She brought me in a spider plant in a boot that has a toad on it. It came from her very own garden and it's the prettiest spider plant I have ever seen. When she handed it to me she said "I'm sorry. This sucks, I know it's horrible and painful, I know you must be hurt, angry and scared, but I also wanted you to remember that no matter how long it lasted, you're still a Mom and I want you to have a Mother's Day present early."
She astounded me. Most people just don't know what to say in a situation like this. My sweetie is having a hard time as well. He's dealing with mixed feelings of relief tempered by shame that he feels relieved. I don't think he should be ashamed for anything. This is his loss too. How do you help someone though when you can't even help yourself?
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Wow. I am so happy that your co-worker was that kind and thoughtful. You're right, most people don't know what to say in a time like this, and they usually end up saying what we deem to be wrong and hurtful things...simply because they don't know what to say. I am very glad that you have a friend that recognized this and went so far to do what she did for you. As for your hubby, I'll be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers that you can both find ways to support each other through your loss.
__________________ Rebecca ~ 35
DH Matt ~ 39
Married 11-20-04
TTC for 5 years...never pregnant.
Hoping for a miracle...
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I am so sorry for your loss - many prayers for healing and blessings for your future.
__________________ Me 43 & DH 41 (my hunky triathlete!)
Mama to 4 angels (1/04, 4/05, 8/05, 9/08) and 1 miracle!
2 half marathons completed; training for my first full!
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(((((hugs))))) your coworker's gesture made me cry. That was so thoughtfull and true. Yes, you are a Mom, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's normal to feel angry. You will experience many feelings during the grieving process. Each of us has been there. Please allow yourself to grieve your loss. The ladies here on the board are extremely supportive. Trust me, nothing you are feeling is crazy or strange to us. Feel free to rant, vent, cry, post whatever you are feeling. Someone has felt exactly what you are feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Gina
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
Check my album for current pictures
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
I cried over the plant, too. Your coworker is amazing. I understand your concern for your DH, but please concentrate on you right now. Let him know you're there to listen, but PLEASE don't focus so much on him that you ignore yourself. You've been hit with the worst thing any woman could ever experience, and it will take a long time to come to terms with it (if you ever can).
We're here to listen if you need us.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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I Don't Know What To Do (angry rant warning) 
Please take care of yourself and your hubby...
