I don't think I can do this anymore

PuppyLove · 05-11-2008, 06:40 AM

Im so over being sick, feeling like I'm 90 years old, dragging my arse around, and just feeling goddamn miserable!!

It's been too many years of this sh!t I'm so tired, so so so tired. Life shouldn't be this hard!

I'm doing EVERYTHING I'm told to do to get better, and I'm not better, I feel absolutely dreadful.

I took Met for 6 weeks and it made me so bloody sick the gyno took me off it. Now I'm sick from stopping taking it, I've had a migraine for 3 days, the pain is so intense, I want to die. If it's not a migraine, it's tummy pain or some other pain. WHY!!!?? What have I done to deserve this???? WHen will it be my time to be well, to be normal, to be happy?? I've been like this for nearly 20 years, this isn't living.

I'm following the low GI diet, taking all the supplements the Nutritionist has me on etc and I still feel like the walking dead.

My Nana once again commented on how big I am today. I'm so over this, I'm sick of being fat, sick of feeling sick, sick of being in pain, sick of having no money because I can't work full time from being sick all the time, sick of being alone, sick of no one in my life understanding how I feel.

I'm sick of taking antidepressants and still being this depressed. Who wouldn't be bloody depressed when they feel like this!?????

I would end it all if it wasn't for my babies (my 2 dogs), they're pretty much the only things that keep me going, and make me get up everyday.

I want the world to f*ck off and leave me alone, enough is enough.

polly-pcos · 05-11-2008, 09:16 AM

Hi Louise, sorry you're feeling like this- Granny's are great aren't they!! I could write a book about all that classic insensitive things mine have said.

I'm afraid I don't have any answers- but something's clearly not right. I assume your doc has done plenty of tests, Met shouldn't affect you so severely.

I would also ask for a review of the anti d's as they clearly aren't working. Your dogs are gorgeous by the way.

soulfulqween · 05-11-2008, 09:18 PM

I agree with everything polly said....
Especially that Grandma part...mine has said some real f**K*d up stuff over the years too....they have NO manners lol.

I'd get back in touch with the Dr about all of those things. It isn't living you are right. I was just like that a few months ago myself...it seems like every couple of yrs I have to revamp what I am doing to get myself well again.

I know it is hard but keep fighting your body. You deserve to be healthy and happy and you are loved here and that someone isn't far off.

PM me anytime...

PuppyLove · 05-11-2008, 09:53 PM

Thank you for your kind replies Soulful and Polly

Ah yes grannies, hmmm last time I saw her (before yesterday) she said "oh dear, I didn't recognise you you've put on so much weight" hmmm yes thanks for that, and then the comment yesterday, well it's the icing on the cake for me right now.

I'm seriously wondering if I have something else going on with me apart from PCOS, depression, migraines etc. Dillydaydreams sent me a link on CFS (chronic fatigue) and I'm really wondering if this is part of my problem.

**cry** I just don't know what to do anymore!!!! I'm really hesitant to see a doctor again, they just don't seem to "get it".

soulfulqween · 05-12-2008, 12:03 AM

You might have to see a few until you get one that does get it...and that is expensive and time consuming I know. I did it too.

Before going to the Dr's office....in fact when I call for an appt I asked if the Dr knows and or treats pcos.

PuppyLove · 05-12-2008, 03:02 AM

I'm so hurt and angry right now!! I can't stop crying today, it feels like my world is crashing down on top on me, I reached out to my "supposed" best friend, you know what she say "come on babe, cheer up!" **** OFF!!

soulfulqween · 05-12-2008, 12:31 PM

Sometimes people think that is what you want to hear when really you just want someone to let you cry, get drunk with you and help you pick up and throw stuff.

PuppyLove · 05-12-2008, 01:02 PM

Exactly, thank you for "hearing me" (((huggles)))

Sarrah · 06-05-2008, 10:42 AM

Hope it gets better for you.
Have you tried Metformin XR - extended release - maybe that would work wonders for you without the side effects?

ivetastedflight · 06-05-2008, 12:29 PM

I'm sorry Louise.

I want you to know that I am in a similar kind of pain and anger at Life. I want to punch Life in the boob for picking on my sisters, friends, and self.

I'm lonely over it, and if you thought you were before, too, just know you're not.

<3

Rainbow_Chakra · 07-20-2008, 05:15 AM

I think I know how you feel. And I feel bad for you because i know how bad depression hurts. I have to say that the only thing that has helped me is to focus on cultivating my soul. I guess intense suffering is supposedly character building. I hate it and just want to be normal and happy too. But maybe the universe just made you this way so that you would feel with more intensity and understand pain and suffering. There were many spiritual characters who suffered greatly and felt intense emotions. There are also many artists who lived lives of intense suffering and emotion. Perhaps your "Dark night of the Soul" is almost over. It is always darkest before the sunrise. The winter solstice is the shortest day of the year (the least sunlight) and then after that the days start to become longer. Perhaps you are going through this time in preparation that the universe or god if you prefer needs you to understand the darker shadow side of human nature. Maybe this isn't making you feel any better, but for me, the hope that my suffering is for a purpose, was the only purpose I had for making it through some days. I feel for me the days are getting longer, but I still want to find an anti-dep that works.