I dont know what to do-No Bashing Please

One tattered Angel · 02-11-2008, 04:41 AM

All my life I have always wanted a baby girl. When we got the call for our little Joshua we were totally extatic. Life with him in our family has been perfect and I would have it no other way. The problem is I finally convinced my husband and myself we are tired of the foster care program and ready to move on to a diffrent chapter of our lives. When I recently talked with a adoption facilitator she asked if we were gender specific I said yes we really want a baby girl she said, " You know it can take alot more time and money to get a child specifically what you want. I am so uuuuuuuggggggggggghh right now. I know I would take either sex if I was given the oportunity first but do I really have the right to decide what sex? Im Not GOD. Am I stupid and selfish like I feel? I know if I was carrying the baby myself I would have a 50-50 chance so why am I doing this to myself? If this is going to be our last child if I have a boy will I go on to kick myself for never completing my dreams? A friend told me I should just take whatever I am given and keep myself quiet because I dont know what the sexes of the other babies I lost, and maybe one was a girl. Please dont think Im stupid or bash me for feeling this way. Really I would be honored and blessed to just have another baby. I just am curious if this has happened to anyone else. Thanks. Lesia

Miss-Meme · 02-11-2008, 10:51 AM

I understand what you mean. I'd love to have a girl also, but I LOVE my SON more then anything. And would never trade him for a girl! But just this weekend I'm at the store and walk by all the cute easter dresses and think...I wish I had a girl!

Personally I kinda feel that it's not right to say 'I only want a girl". Your right, what right do you have to 'play' God. God will send you the child that is RIGHT for you. He only give you what you can handle and if he thinks your the one to take on Boys, so be it. Again like you said if you were pg you wouldn't get to say what sex you wanted. God again gets that job. It's our job to love them no matter what!

Put your faith in God.

dna · 02-11-2008, 11:13 AM

I hear ya...when we were first going for Aerik my DH said he wanted a boy (I wanted a girl) so I agreed and we specified boy knowing that the wait would be shorter and less $$ (terrible isnt it .. now who is playing "god" ??)
2nd time around had to be a girl...we chose China for a plethera of reasons including that specifying a girl meant the same wait as everyone else...it worked out perfect..

in reality i dont believe we are playing god...we are just in a situation where we "can" choose...so why not ? Its not like you are throwing out 1000 embies in a dish for favour of the 1 girl embie...your daughter may not even be born yet..but in your heart she is there...if you dont request you will never know...i really think most people who have 2 of the same sex kids always wish somewhere deep that they had the other sex (not of course to replace the kids they already know and love) i have 2 friends who have 2 daughters each..they are completely happy and love them more than life BUT if given the chance before they knew the 2nd daughters to change the sex to son ? absolutely...

i hope this makes sense...

go with your heart...you wont regret it...ask for a girl and if you get a boy well then it was meant to be

One tattered Angel · 02-11-2008, 05:13 PM

Thanks so much ladies for taking the time to help me. I never in a million years would have thought this would be so hard for me. You gals are awsome. Thanks.

Lesia

LadyBugg · 02-11-2008, 05:41 PM

Have you ever thought of the possibility that God is putting this desire in your heart? Imho, it is either that we specify on our homestudy and "choose" what we have or the person on the other end (as in the country we are adopting from) gets to choose for us. I'd rather it be me. Unless you are going to adopt domesitcally, in which case, there won't be any of that. But truly, I beileve God plants seeds in us for a reason. Don't feel guilty. Just pray and let Him lead you. We are going to specify that we want to adopt a little girl this time but we are open to a silbing group as well where at least one of them is a girl. I just really feel God telling me I have a daughter in Africa. GL!

Mireille · 02-11-2008, 06:23 PM

If you're going to go a route that will allow you to choose which gender you want, and you really have your heart set on a girl? Go for it. Don't worry about what anyone else says. If you want a girl and are willing to wait and expend the energy/money it might take to get one, don't let anyone else stop you.

acrosaz · 02-11-2008, 06:28 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with stating your desire, but letting your worker know that you would like all possible situations presented to you. Then, it will either feel right or it won't. As a mama to a beautiful little girl that was once a baby, I can only say it happens to you, too.

PS - I think boys are great, too!

babygirl18905 · 02-11-2008, 08:37 PM

Lesia- I know exactly how you feel, when I first started the adoption process I kept telling DH I'm not going to adopt a little boy I want one baby and it has to be a girl! No joke after that I kept having this dream over and over that I was carrying this little chunky boy around and every morning I would wake up a little upset and tell DH about the dream it was a recurring dream and I was like no way I'm not taking a boy WELL.............as you can see in my siggy I got the love of my life and he's 100% boy!!!! I had a little boy presented to me and I said ok this is what God wanted me to have then the birthmom changed her mind and I said ok maybe next time I will get a girl, well less than 2 weeks later they presented a little boy to me again I was like ok and the day after I got the call I was suppose to pick the little boy up DH and I was literally walking out the door to go to the hospital when we got the call she changed her mind

I felt so sick I just started crying so hard I could not even talk to the social worker who by the way was the birthmothers social worker she hung up and called my social worker who then called me and tried to calm me down. WELL needless to say at that moment I think I realized God was testing my heart to see if I was willing to accept what he had chosen for me about a month later I got a call for my little boy who I could not imagine life without and to think I wanted a girl so bad now I think if I am ever in the situation to adopt again I'm not sure what I would do one part of me says next time wait for a girl and another part of me says adopt a boy. Moral of this story when the time comes it will feel right in your heart you will know what child is ment for you.

alwaysandforever · 02-11-2008, 11:49 PM

I know just how you feel.
I have had a few agencies tell me that it will take longer to get a girl or they just don't work with couples who want one or the other.

Well, I have 1 son, 1 step son, my DH & Wilson (boy dog),
(((I need bows & ribbons))).
I feel that by me not being able to carry another child, it is like
MY LITTLE BONUS to be able to pick between boy and girl. If God doesn't want me to have a girl, he will change the situation some how.
But, everything we are doing is planning on getting a girl, NOT A BOY.

Don't worry about other people and just go with your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!