I dont know why i am writing this

zischkegirl · 03-29-2007, 12:18 PM

I dont know why i am writing this, i guess mainly for some support. I have been through hell and back with TTC, and many times Bryan and i have talked about adopting. We are at the point right now that we will try the IVF once our house sells, or if a little one comes to us in a special way, we will adopt a baby as well. I think right now i just know that adopting is somewhat at my finger tips. There is this girl that Bryan graduated with four years ago, she is a friend of a friend of ours and she is pregnant. I think she is about 14 weeks along. This is her third pregnancy in the past three years, and she has aborted the first two. She doesnt want to be a mom, i know that she doesnt. I think she may want to give the baby up for adoption. The kicker is she likes to party and has been drinking. I honestly cant believe people are so stupid to drink when they know they are pregnant!!! But anyways, i am kinda torn. I want to be a mommy so bad and as to how i become a mommy really doesnt matter to me anymore. Honestly if it wasnt for my husband, i think i would have just adopted along time ago. But anyways, is there even a chance that this baby could be healthy? I know it may sound horrible but i am just not a person that can take on a special needs child. I know, i know if it was my own and something was wrong with it i would take care of it but i would never drink alcohol while i was pregnant. I dont think there is a good way of putting it. I think that i takes certian special people to do certian special things and taking on a special needs child is just not something i am comfortable with. I guess like my husband has said before, if you have the choice to pick then you might as well be choosie. There is just something that keeps pulling at my heart about this. i think about that little one day in and day out. i think of someone else making my dreams come true. i think about how if she can only get him hear healthy and safely that i can love him/her and keep them safe for the rest of there life. i dont know what it is, like i said i just keep thinking about this baby so much. I dont think that jessica wants to go through another abortion, but i know that she doesnt want to keep the baby either. I guess it is so fustrating because if she would have just been responsible from the beginning she wouldnt have had to worry about all of this in the first place.

Just feeling kinda lonley and confused about all of this. Is there a chance that this baby could be born healthy?

Cortney

Binxsmommy · 03-29-2007, 01:36 PM

I was adopted into a wonderful family at the age of 22 I was (un)fournate enough to meet my biological family. Anyway my bio mom talked about how she did cocaine through all 5 of her pregnancies and all her children turned out "fine". She talked about it like she was proud....... BLAH anyway I am a product of that and I for the most part i did turn out "fine". I do know that alcohol is "bad" for the baby but I would imagine that it is safer than illegal drugs? A baby born to any kind of "bad" activities can be addicted at birth to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes. Hopefully she has some sort of reasoning behind her and realizes it's an innocent baby she's involving in her activites. Just wanted to share my story. GL in whatever decision you and DH make.

zischkegirl · 03-29-2007, 01:51 PM

Thank you for sharing that with me. I keep telling Lacey which is both jessica and my friend that this baby has the potential to be healthy. I dont know why but it keeps pulling and tugging at my heart. I think about this baby all day long. i find myself day dreaming about taking care of the baby and letting it know that it is loved. This baby has the right to a normal life. I think it bothers me so much because she has something that i have longed for and doesnt even care. I asked Lacey to talk to her and let her know that i will gladly adopt her baby. You know for three years i have had this linger in my heart for a baby. I though that i would have no problems but i guess i was totally wrong. I know that it would take me all but two seconds to fall in love with a baby that someone willingly is placing in my arms.

Binxsmommy · 03-29-2007, 06:35 PM

If you really want to adopt this baby and the mother is all for it the baby does have the chance to be healthy. If you are going to make a commitment tho you have to be willing to accept this baby regardless of it's health. Picture this the (bio)mother goes through the whole pregnancy assuming you are going to give the baby a loving home(the way you describe her I'm not so sure she cares but anyways) the baby is born and it does have something wrong with it. It could be as little as being addicted to alcohol or as much as (knock on wood) something unmentionable are you going to be able to still follow through with it? Is DH? A specail needs baby takes alot of work and can put a lot of strain on a marriage.... I think you and DH really have some serious discussing to do. GL every baby deserves a loving home.

Binxsmommy · 03-29-2007, 06:36 PM

Keep me updated on what you decide please....adoption is a wondrful gift I know I'm proof of that!!!

jpang · 04-01-2007, 01:26 PM

I think you need to take some time and really think hard about what you want to do. Alcohol use during pregnancy can lead to some scary outcomes. But there is a chance the baby could be fine. It really depends how much the mother is drinking, how often is she drinking, etc... You might want to research fetal alcohol syndrome before making any commitments.

I attended an adoption workshop and one thing that stuck with me was someone saying, "Adoption is in many ways similiar to a natural birth in that you just don't know what you are going to get. Adoptive parents need to be prepared for that. You don't always just get to pick and choose what you want." Even with a pregnancy, you can do everything right and still have a child with an issue.

I hope you have a family soon no matter how it happens.

beautifulfreebird · 04-02-2007, 01:12 PM

My husband and I have been considering adopting through the state. That means almost all the babies up for adoption had some type of exposure to alcohol and/or drugs while in the womb. I have a friend that adopted two of her children from the state and they were considered to be high risk. They have so far turned out normal. Follow your heart. This is never an easy decsion.

Binxsmommy · 04-02-2007, 10:46 PM

What's up? Have you and DH got to talk about this anymore? Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you! Hope your well

Jewels · 04-03-2007, 02:05 AM

Hi Cortney,

After reading your post the first thing that came up to me was that this girl that is pregnant needs help. Is there a chance since your husband knows her that maybe he knows some friends that might also be concerned about her and how her drinking is affecting her life and the potential permanent harm she may be causing this baby? Maybe they all could get together and do an intervention of sorts with her. If you do this I would highly suggest you seek somebody with experience to help. You probably could find somebody at your local AA that would know of somebody. It sounds like she really needs somebody to step in and lovingly but very clearly point out to her how crucial it is that she not drink right now especially. I wonder if she's thinking about aborting this baby and that's why she doesn't care about the drinking? Maybe somebody can at least get her to agree to not drink until she is able to make the decision if that's the case.

I can't even imagine how somebody could live with the knowledge that they actively contributed to damaging a baby's future health like that.

My prayers go out to you and this girl and her baby.

Warmly,
Julia
http://www.adoptionboard.org

zischkegirl · 04-03-2007, 10:20 AM

Hi julia, and to all that have posted good advice.

Since i posted, Lacey which is a good friend of mine and jessica's (the girl that is pregnant) has talked to her. she let her know her concern for her and let her know that not only should she be taking care of herself but the baby that is inside of her. That she was concerned that she would be stuck with a fetal alcohol syndrome baby and have no one to blame but herself. She also said that she needed to go to the DR. just to see what is going on. Jessica was raised by alcoholics, so i think that is the way she handles hard situations. she didnt even tell the guy that she is pregnant by until saturday. Lacey told her that she would be there every step of the way. Lacey i think is taking her to the dr, today. So, we will see. It breaks my heart, because if she didnt want the baby then someone else would. It kills me to know that i would love this baby more than anything in the world, but maybe it isnt in gods will for me to love this baby. I always thought that i had to carry my own baby, but after so long of dealing with infertility, it almost doesnt really matter anymore. i would love to carry a baby if it is Gods will, but i just want to be a mommy, and i have slowly realized that it takes a lot more to be a mommy then to just give birth to a baby. So as of right now, i have just kinda stopped worrying about adopting the baby and turned my worries toward jessica. I dont know her that well, but my heart goes out to her, considering how many times she has put herself in this situation. i am sure that it numbs her all that much more, which in return will cause more hardships in her life. I am hoping that Lacey can help. thank you for all of your advice, it is nice knowing that there are people out their that you can talk to.

-Cortney