I feel depressed during the most wonderful times of my life. I'm not really sure why but I think it's just a mixture of things. I haven't talked much about anything going on here as I just hate to bring anyone down or fear or anything but things have been hard on me lately.
First off 2 weeks ago my daughter's bm had her boyfriend (who we are adopting from again) write me. Or maybe he took it upon himself but in the letter they asked for 5000 dollars. (Yes you read that right) After contacting my lawyer and him telling me that this is NOT legal and that he will not be my lawyer if I do this (understandable) and getting myself together after freaking out and crying and having fear that okay they are not going to go thru with "this" adoption, I wrote them back. I explained that this is NOT a option and we can't do this and not to mention we don't have that kind of money even if it was legal. I mean they contacted us we didn't contact them, we weren't expecting this adoption to begin with KWIM? How they figure we "owe" them, I have no clue. I have talked about this on another board and one lady there that is a very dear friend of mine even made the statement that they are making birthparents look bad.(she is a BM)
Even tho I'm stressing out because I feel like the BM doesn't really care about me, us, anything right now I have a feeling of I guess grief. I'm not sure how to put it. I mean I "worry" about her and what she's going to do after the baby is born, what her life is going to be like with her fiance and little girl. I guess that's my personality. But I feel like she's dragging me thru the dirt.
She said to me well ya know it's a law in most states that you do have to pay that money. (well adoptive parents) I couldn't believe she even made this statement to me. I mean we brought her here, we paid her way here, I sent her money when she was up north for maternity clothes, I sent her money before she came down, when she got down here I bought her food, I've took her shopping, I am paying her directv, gas, water, electriciy, housing etc. I've gave her clothes for her daughter and I buy her diapers and stuff as well. Not that I HAVE to do these other things for her family, but because I "want to" and I feel like she doesn't care. Oh yeah and my husband has been buying cigs for the fiance. So I mean we do A LOT for them. And I just feel so low in my life right now. I hurt physically from stress, I go to the bathroom ALL THE TIME because of stress, I cry for no reason, I eat for NO REASON, even tho I'm using the bathroom all the time I'm gaining weight like crazy, my mood has been out of this world. I'm just in actually PAIN I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like okay this is suppose to be the happiest time in my life but it's the most painful of all. I feel like no one cares, no one "knows" what it's like so maybe why that's why I feel distant from people all of sudden. There is only like 18 days until this baby will be born and I just feel AWFUL. I'm dreading the day he's born because I'm dreading how it will all work out. The parents told me they needed a sitter for their child ...um why? Take her with you to the hospital
I just don't know what to do. I'm freaking out here. I just want to be happy right now and not feel this way.
Like this morning (the bm just informed me yesterday) she had a appt for 2 places and of coarse they have no car so I haven't to stop what I'm doing to do what they need. First off she asked me to call her first thing in the morning. I tried for a hour and couldn't get thru to her. I ended up calling both places and reschedualing because I didn't feel good. But it wasn't that she cared it was to begin with she didn't ask me what I had going on or if I felt like taking her etc. Just assumed. Yes I know we're adopting this baby but is this my responsibility to feel like a maid, a chef, a errand runner, a taxi cab, a receptionist, a money making tree????????
I guess this has turned more out to be a rant but ladies I'm about to lose my mind. My husband is like what is wrong with you? I just can't take it, I feel like if I even "start" to tell him all this he is going to be like your coo coo or I will just lose it.
Not to mention it's that T.O.M so that's not helping matters.
And I don't want to feel like I deserve it or anything but why isn't anyone thinking of me and how I'm feeling? No one around me, everyone is just like your so strong ,well NO I'M NOT RIGHT NOW (sorry for this crazy post)
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i was wondering how things were working out for you. i'm sorry things have gome from bad to worse.
Are they saying that you cant adopt the baby if you dont pay??? That is messed up!!! What has the lawyer suggested? Have you seggested giving the letter over to the police or child protective services? i know that may just make matters much worse.
I feel sick that you are going through this. They are bad news. i think once this ordeal is over they need to leave your lives for good. They are seriously taking major advantage of you and your good will.
i hope this is over for you very soon, and we will both be chatting about our new boys on the mommy board in a few weeks from now. Their due dates are very close you know.
On a side note, there is no way i would take my older child to the hospital for the delivery. Its way too much to expect of a toddler, and they could really get in the way.
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Lisa, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I know this woman has put you thru ALOT!! You are a Saint for doing everything you have done thus far. I don't think she cares about this baby or you or your daughter. I think she is just a selfish woman who wants everything handed to her on a platter. no, she is not the typical BM at all, I have such respect for a BM, but she is pushing the limits and trying to steal from you everything she can. She thinks that just because you and your husband have a good home and take care of yourselves and Destiny, that you are rich, and must have plenty of money to give her. If she cared at all about Destiny, she wouldn't be putting you through so much hell. I know you really want this baby Lisa, but don't let her use you. look what it has done to you. you feeling this was is unhealthy for you, your husband, and Destiny. If it were me, I wouldn't give her another cent.....and don't think that if you cut her off that she will say, "well than you can't have my baby" because with everything that has happened in the past, and everything that has been happening, she may not have been planning on giving you the baby in the first place and has just been trying to get money from you. I'm sorry to sound so negative, but I have never trusted her since everything you went through with Destiny. what has your lawyer said you should do next? Has she said anything since you told her you don't have the money to give her? I'm praying she comes to her senses and doesn't give you any more problems.
You are a wonderful woman Lisa for doing everything you have done. I worry about the child she has with her, does Child services keep up with her? hhmm it's very sad all around. Try to keep your wits, we are all praying and hoping the best comes out of this. Destiny is beautiful and you have done such a beautiful job raising her. hopefully, this will turn out just as good. Your in my thoughts.
Stefie
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I am sorry to hear what you're going thru! It seems like the whole time their plan was just to take advantage of your giving heart. Its not right what they are doing. Yeah in some states the parents who are adopting are required to feed, clothe, and provide shelter... oh but that is typically a private adoption, and the terms are set out before 9months! They also contacted you... you didnt approach them and ask to 'buy' their son. Which is exactly what they want you to do, and thats just not right. HUMANS are not for sale!
Try and remember that it will all be over soon... and they will be out of your life! Its not right what they are doing...
Huggzzzzzzzz... you can come here anytime and vent!
Oh yeah and the name change threw me off.. because it says your old screen name on the thread... but when I came in here it says Lisa... talk about throwing me for a loop
I just wanted to let ya all know because I wasn't very clear in the first post, that I did write her a letter back and I did explain to her that it is against the law for them to ask and for us to give such money and that we are not planning on it. Our lawyer basically said you give it to them and I'm done, or you can tell them your considering this a "joke" and going on with the adoption or that you airn't going a head with the adoption and your turning them into the states attorney. Of coarse I've came this far, i'm not giving up. I said we really love the baby which we do & it's something we want to do, but I did tell them that I wanted to know ASAP what their intentions are and that I hoped that this didn't affect the adoption process. She got a hold of me right away and DID say that she didn't want to upset us and that they for sure were still going thru with it and wanted us to adopt him. So that was a little relief but it's still ringing in my ears the whole other SIDE of it. It's hard to get out of my head that someone asked that. OH I just keep saying only a few more weeks and this will be over, it is so hard guys.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words your all great. I'm just a little lately!
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Sounds like a last desperate attempt to get $$ out of you...even though they have no intentions of keeping the baby it sounds like they are plotting together for ways to get $$... thats awful and I am so sorry you are being put thru this...
18 more days Lisa 18 more days...then they will be gone (arent you buying their plane tickets or something ?) and you will have your boy...
I cannot even imagine the amount of stress you are under right now so I think its normal to be feeling all the things you are feeling .. I know just reading it my stomach started to hurt
Keep your Chin Up and tttrrryyy and get some food and sleep into you ... you are going to need it when he comes home
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*hugs* Lisa....that bm is a piece of work. I'm so sorry that you are going thru such rough times. Dont let her run you thru the mill. You dont deserve the crap she and her finace is dishing out. Put your foot down and tell them NO MORE! You dont owe them a thing. Take care hon. (((hugs)))))
Aw sweetie, so sorry this is happening. You do have such a good and giving heart and I'm sure they know that. Sorry they are taking advantage of your goodness.
Please do take good care of yourself. Try not to let it get you rundown--you need all the rest you can get right now.
HUGS We're here for you!
BTW, does the BF have a job or what? He should get his arse out there and find one if not!
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Does any of your family live near you? Could they watch her daughter as a favor to you while she's giving birth so you don't have to pay extra $$ for a sitter?
Please eat & sleep, you will need your strength when the baby comes home {{{{HUGS}}}}
It is true that you don't "owe" them and she's just giving all bm's a bad name and adoption in the states as a whole a bad name. This is one of the main reasons why we refuse to adopt in the US b/c of the fear of this happening to us...
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci
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(((hugg))) your post breaks my heart. I am sorry you have to go through this with the BM.
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Well we were suppose to get them plane tickets out of here if they let us know 2 weeks in advance of where they want to go, but they haven't done that. So I don't know what their plans are, it's like they arin't making any plans they are just taking it all in and taking as much time afterwards that they want.
No I don't have any family here. My parents live in the next state and they are much older, they do good watching my daughter, my mom has health problems. So I don't even know anyone that could sit for their daughter. IMO they can watch her themselves. I don't mean to be mean here but the BF told us that he wasn't even going to go to the hospital in the begining and then decides now he is. It's over a hour drive there and I can't run him back and forth. I already called the hospital and they said that they could keep the little girl there with them if they wanted to. So if he wants to watch her there then he can. We will have our own room and they will have theirs. I'm so mad about that whole issue that I could scream. I guess since she won't let me in to watch this baby be born I'll have to watch her while he's in there with her. I'm sad that I won't get to see this one be born. But guess I'll get over it. Just be glad when he's here.
Oh me...... ((sigh))
Thanks for the advice everyone. I love you all dearly and will let you know how things are going ((hugs)).
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I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through! You're right this should be the happiest time in your life and all these hidden agendas of this couple are really scary.
Since there isn't a lot you can do to change their behavior except to continue to set firm boundaries I think it's important to do what you can to take care of yourself right now.
Finding ways to enjoy yourself and relieve some of the stress your feeling is so important. Do things that require some focus or attention that might help distract you from the situation and have some fun! Maybe go to the movies with your husband??? Anything that kind of gives you a break from worrying about stuff. Pedicure??? Manicure??? Do something nurturing just for you!
I'm glad you posted. I've been thinking about you and wondering how things were going.
Blessings to you!
Julia
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I feel depressed 
After contacting my lawyer and him telling me that this is NOT legal and that he will not be my lawyer if I do this (understandable) and getting myself together after freaking out and crying and having fear that okay they are not going to go thru with "this" adoption, I wrote them back. I explained that this is NOT a option and we can't do this and not to mention we don't have that kind of money even if it was legal. I mean they contacted us we didn't contact them, we weren't expecting this adoption to begin with KWIM? How they figure we "owe" them, I have no clue. I have talked about this on another board and one lady there that is a very dear friend of mine even made the statement that they are making birthparents look bad.(she is a BM)
I just want to be happy right now and not feel this way. 
Yes I know we're adopting this baby but is this my responsibility to feel like a maid, a chef, a errand runner, a taxi cab, a receptionist, a money making tree????????
(sorry for this crazy post)
... they seem so selfish..hopefully these last days will go fast and after the birth they will leave quickly ... good luck
