I Feel So Empty

Rebecca's Mom · 01-09-2006, 04:00 AM

HELLO, WELL ITS JUST BEEN A LITTLE OVER 3 WEEKS, WEDNESDAY WILL BE A MONTH, I MISS BEING PREGNANT I HAD NOT FELT HER YET BUT BOY i AM SAD AND LOST I FEEL LIKE I AM FORGETTING SOMETHING EVERYDAY.....I WISH I WAS WITH HER, SHE IS HONESTLY ALL I HAVE EVR WANTED, I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T GO ON, I AM HURTING SO BAD, WONDERING WHAT I COULD HAD DONE....AND JUST WONDERING IF I WILL EVER HAVE ANOTHER.....THANK YOU FOR LISTENING ....

SheriKCMO · 01-09-2006, 04:15 AM

(((Tricia))) You are going through the worst possible thing a person can experience, IMO. It is normal to feel all of these things and healthy to get them off your chest. We are always here to listen, and we miss your little girl too. I wish all of our babies were here with us, and it breaks my heart. There have been many times, occasionally even now, that I couldn't stand the pain and wanted to die. But of course that is the last thing my daughter would have wanted for her mommy. So I keep going. I'm sorry it hurts so much, but you are not alone, sweetie.

Barbora · 01-09-2006, 01:22 PM

Tricia,

you have to start looking at things more positively. Do not doubt yourself, of course you will have a baby one day. It will not be Rebecca but you will have another one that you will love just as much. There is nothing you could have done, it is just the way it goes in this world. One thing you should not do is lose hope and live in despair. Rebecca would not want that!
Just try to think about how meaningful her short life was and try to live your life as she would want you to. Take little steps, for example do not start smoking again, live healthy.
Make a commitment that you will not give up and trust yourself that you can do it.
Make a plan for the next few months, you have examinations coming up which might tell you the causes and how to prevent them in the future or might not but if no cause is found then that usually means it will not repeat.

NYC Sapphire · 01-09-2006, 04:06 PM

Tricia,

I feel the same way you do because just this weekend I was sad and it's been three months for me. I think my healing will not begin untill after my baby's due date, thats my count down. I also miss being pregnant even tho I was sick I would rather go back to being pregnant because the reward of having my baby was so much greater. My baby was also all I ever wanted since I was a little girl but I also understand the power of everything happening when it is meant to be beecause the end of last year I heard about the story of the lady that fell and her bugie cord did not open. She dropped like 50 feet and was still alive and she was pregnant and the baby survived. That story amongst others leads me to believe no matter what happenes when something is meant to be it is. That does not ease the pain or hurt but life does need to still go on. I feel the same pain of if I will ever get pregnant again. I am in the same boat buy I try to be positive.

TurtleLove · 01-09-2006, 04:11 PM

the empty feeling is awful. some days i can hardly stand it. cry when you need to, it will get easier to breath, really

VivC · 01-09-2006, 05:19 PM

((Tricia)). Everything you're feeling is normal. I promise that it DOES get easier with time.

If you feel like it's really all too much, please find a therapist to talk to. I wish I'd done that sooner.

Viv

Rebecca's Mom · 01-09-2006, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pcosttc

Tricia,

I feel the same way you do because just this weekend I was sad and it's been three months for me. I think my healing will not begin untill after my baby's due date, thats my count down. I also miss being pregnant even tho I was sick I would rather go back to being pregnant because the reward of having my baby was so much greater. My baby was also all I ever wanted since I was a little girl but I also understand the power of everything happening when it is meant to be beecause the end of last year I heard about the story of the lady that fell and her bugie cord did not open. She dropped like 50 feet and was still alive and she was pregnant and the baby survived. That story amongst others leads me to believe no matter what happenes when something is meant to be it is. That does not ease the pain or hurt but life does need to still go on. I feel the same pain of if I will ever get pregnant again. I am in the same boat buy I try to be positive.

YEAH AND DID YOU HERE THE ONE WHERE THE LADY SKY DIVED AND HER PARICHUTTE DIDN'T WORK, AND SHE FEEL ON HER FACE BROKE SOMETHING ON HER BACK AND SHE WAS PREGNANT AND HER AND BABY WAS FINE SO YES I BELIEVE THINGS ARE MENT TO BE, I AM JUST GETTING OLD 34 AND I AMM SO HURT CAUSE SHE WAS GOING TO BE MY ONLY ONE, SHE WAS MY LIFE AND I DID ALL I WAS SUPPOSE TO, NO I WILL NOT GO BACK TO SMOKING......

jlbrown122 · 01-09-2006, 09:34 PM

{{{HUGS}}} Tricia - You will always miss your baby, but it will begin to get easier eventually. I also grew up only wanting to be a mommy. I never cared about having a career or anything else, I just wanted a house full of kids. It's so hard to understand why those of us that wanted it so badly have lost our babies. It's normal to wonder if you had done things differently if she would still be here. The ob/gyn I went to 1 week after losing my baby (not the jerk I went to while pg) told me that there was nothing I did that caused this to happen. Deep down, I know that he is right even though I do have times where I blame myself. We are here for you anytime you need to vent or express any feelings you have.

enits · 01-09-2006, 09:51 PM

((hugs)) Tricia, I know how you feel. I've been without my daughter for almost a year now and it still hurts. I cry when I least expect it. I also agree with the other ladies here...it does get easier with time, but time won't erase that empty feeling of missing your baby. Everyday I try to be thankful for my blessings and I strive to think positive for the future. I think being hopeful has really helped me and my husband.

Wishing you well! ((hugs)))

Rebecca's Mom · 01-09-2006, 10:26 PM

{hugs} to you guys to, man it just sucks, i am so scared if we get there again i am going to have the same problems i had before it was scarey everyday all the bleeding i did it just freaks me out and now to have to go through it again i could scream........

Gnzls924 · 01-10-2006, 12:20 AM

My heart goes out to you Tricia. What you are feeling is unfortunately, very normal. For me, I turned to my husband for strength. He really came through for me, AFTER, I told him that I needed him to be with me. There was a period of time, when he would just go to work on the basement (it was his way of coping) finally after 2 weeks of it, I had a heart to heart with him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to say....but i put it very simply to him. I basically told him that I had our baby inside me, and now he is gone. I feel very alone and I need you to be with me for just a little while longer, till i get over this period. He understood it, and spent more time with me after work. It was just the little things that he did...watch tv with me or rub my back, or just holding me when i would burst into tears.... that really helped me in the weeks after we lost Matthew.

The pain never goes away...it does, however, get a little easier after time. For me it has been over a year since we lost him. Just a week ago, i was crying my eyes out because I was putting Matthew's things in a chest that was given to me for Christmas. Please just give it some time. I know exactly how you feel. Our little angels watch over us everyday.

Wishing you peace,

Rebecca's Mom · 01-10-2006, 02:04 AM

diana it is sad, i just don't feel her anymore, i don't mean kick i didn't feel that but i actually felt her being and felt ameaning of life and its hard cause its not there anymore.we are getting a glass cabnet to put rebecca's things in so we can see it......

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 01-11-2006, 05:10 PM

[quote=jlbrown122 It's so hard to understand why those of us that wanted it so badly have lost our babies. It's normal to wonder if you had done things differently if she would still be here. The ob/gyn I went to 1 week after losing my baby (not the jerk I went to while pg) told me that there was nothing I did that caused this to happen. Deep down, I know that he is right even though I do have times where I blame myself...[/QUOTE]

This is so true, when we can't find any other cause we tend to blame ourselves. But Tricia, if that were true, then women who smoke crack,drink alcohol, get no prenatal care, starve themselves,catch all kinds of diseases, fall from airplanes etc. would ALL LOSE their babies. Please believe that it wasn't anything you did or did not do. I know it's hard, I went through this myself. I wanted a reason so badly. When nobody could give me one I blamed me.

lovepotato · 01-11-2006, 10:36 PM

I agree with Gina. A lot of women do stupid things when they're pg, but their babies are okay. I know most of us take more precautions than most people, and we still lost ours. There's nothing we could possibly have done. It's senseless and horrible, but we can't blame ourselves for something that we couldn't change.
I miss feeling him too. I miss my belly getting in the way of things, and having to roll over in the middle of the night b/c I was uncomfortable. I miss hugging my DH and only touching his shoulders. I miss being in the way. I hate sleeping on my stomach and eating tacos (Eric hated them). I miss everything. Being pg was the best experience of my life.
We're getting a trunk for all our special Eric stuff, and I'm making a scrapbook. It's not enough, but I'll always be able to look at it and remember him. It'll also make it so he stays a part of our family. People can look at it when they come over if they want to. I'm also writing stuff to him, and putting it in, b/c we don't have a lot of pics.
I'll be thinking of you.

Rebecca's Mom · 01-12-2006, 06:27 AM

i know love potato, the said thing is its been a month for both of us,i need to learn how to get through it and i will.....