I feel so lonely

mandi78 · 03-06-2006, 04:41 PM

I have been really feeling down and depressed lately. I am on Lexapro and it helps some and it helps w/ my anxiety disorder and helps with the chemical imbalance that causes my anxiety and depression but lately, I just feel so alone and lonely and have been having more external anxiety and depression. My anxiety/depression is usually more of a chemical imbalance but lately, it's due more to my circumstances.

I am married and I know my DH loves me but he just wants to play video games ALL THE TIME when we are at home. It's like he has no interest in spending time with me. He thinks if we sit and watch TV together while we are eating supper, that is spending time together and then he is free to do whatever. He thinks that because he works 10-12 hours a day and pays most of the bills and does a lot of the housework, he has a right to do what he wants when he comes home....which I guess is true....I just wish that what he wanted to do was spend time with me. If I bring it up, he gets mad.

I don't really have any friends either. Most of my friends from college have moved away. Everyone I work with has kids and so do most of the couples in our church so we don't have much in common with them and they don't have a lot of time to spend doing stuff like we do. My mom is really my best friend but my sister had a baby in September and they live with mom now and my sister is working and trying to finish college so mom has my neice most of the time. I love my neice dearly and don't resent her at all. It's just that Mom doesn't have time to offer me the emotional support that she used to. It's nobody's fault....that's just how it is. I come here for support and I know you all understand. I just wish I had some girlfriends close by to go to movies, dinner, etc with....someone to workout with. I know if I were exercising, I would feel better and it would help my moods but due to the apathy that comes with depression, I don't have any motivation.

I also really don't like my job. I feel that I have a lot more skills than what I am using here and I don't make what I deserve but have tried to find another job but due to my weight (I think) I have been discriminated against. Plus, I am in a comfort zone here at my job and would probably have more anxiety starting a new job.

I am also struggling with compulsive eating....I think this is exhacerbated by my lonliness.....I eat because I am bored, lonely, afraid, etc. And then, I feel so guilty and angry and ashamed at myself....and more afraid because I know I am damaging my health eating this way....I am supposed to be losing weight but I am only gaining. Sorry this is so long.....thanks for listening.

Mandi

SnowFlower · 03-06-2006, 04:48 PM

Hugs. I know how you feel I get that too. Hope things get better for you soon.

barneyb · 03-07-2006, 02:03 AM

I have a panic disorder caused mainly by a chemical imbalance, but also situational anxiety. When I was on Lexapro my anxiety worsened and I became even more depressed. Don't know how long you've been on it, but even if it's been a long time, it might be time for a med change. There are a lot of us around who struggle with the same issues you've talked about -- we're here to support you. This board has been a HUGE source of help and comfort to me through some really rough times, so keep posting & we'll do whatever we can. You might want to try some therapy though. It can do wonders when it seems that nothing is going your way. Good luck!

mandi78 · 03-07-2006, 06:57 AM

I have been seeing a counselor for about 4 months. I am in the process of finding one who specializes in eating disorders as I feel that my weight and compulsive eating have a lot to do with my depression. Also, I think the Lexapro does not help as it causes cravings in me. I am going to ask my dr about changing when I go in next week.

dreamy28 · 03-07-2006, 07:26 AM

Hi mandy78 I just wanted to send you a great big hug. If you ever feel like chatting just PM me and I can send you my MSN address.

jlucy · 03-11-2006, 09:39 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I can totally relate. I have a bf that I'm not doing well with and keep saying I want to break up with but I live far from my family and best friends and I don't have any close girlfrineds (or guy friends) where I live. I've been here two years and I'm closest to my bf but I just don't think he's right as far as a relationship goes. I have so much trouble meeting and getting close to people. I have trouble motivating myself to go to the gym too but I hired a personal trainer and that is a great help. If you can afford it I'd definitely recommend it or try some yoga classes or pilates classes or something that is scheduled so you have to go. I need that little push to make myself do it. As far as your job, I know you can get comfortable in a situation that isn't good with a job but you'll probably feel so much better if you go out and make it a point to find something more suitable for you. I guess you could get discriminated against due to your weight but not all places will do that I can assure you.

ABumpyGal · 03-11-2006, 02:00 PM

Lots of hugs for you!!

I can relate with the loneliness. Before I became so physically ill and could no longer work or go out with friends anymore I was out every night doing something and had dozens of friends and acquaintances. Now? My partner. That's it! I love him dearly, but like your husband, he has his own interests that don't merge well with mine. I kinda/ sorta have one female friend left that used to be my best friend for nearly a decade, but her issues got to be too much and I've distanced myself from her. Too bad we don't live closer!

This is just a theory based on my own experiences, and could very well be way off base, but my own experiences are all I have. It could be, as you say, that your antidepressant is actually working. This is making you desire social contact again, to be more active, and "re-connect" with the world. Those are good things! But as you said, if you have no one to connect with or go out with it can spark a situational kind of depression. An angst, if you will. It seems so angering, frustrating, etc., to do all of that work to drag yourself out of depression only for... this

If it's something like that, there are lots of things that can be done. If you have an interest or hobby, you could join a club. You could volunteer. Look in the local newspaper for ideas on various book clubs and meetings that might interest you. I'm rather shy in social situations where I know no one as well, but I used to volunteer a lot and I got used to walking into groups of strangers pretty quickly. People with similar interests tend to make good friends quickly and easily. So not only will you be getting out of the house and enjoying yourself, but you'll be connecting to people and making possible friends.

If I've totally missed the mark, I'm sorry. Your words just sounded so similar to the very ones I just found myself saying as I was slooowly coming out of my last depression. For me I finally know I'm out of it when I'm out and about and able to feel some semblence of enjoying myself. I really think it's important to find a way to do that. Perhaps ask your husband if he'd be willing to even go out to dinner or something once a week? Just something for a start.

I hope things feel better for you soon!
Dana

mandi78 · 03-11-2006, 07:01 PM

Dana-Yes, I think you are very right....that the anti-depressant is working and the lonliness is causing situational depression. I did not really feel lonely before, I did not care that I was isolated....I preferred it that way. DH and I do go out to dinner a lot....actually too much probably but I think that is my way of spending time with him. I will try to look into some clubs, etc in the area. Maybe look into taking a continuing ed class in something I am interested in. Thanks for the understanding....it would be nice if we lived closer!