I hate the self talk in my head....and my gut feeling

Cindy B · 09-23-2002, 10:29 PM

I just posted a tiny bit of this in Tx Lily's thread but decided I needed to get this all out for myself.

I met someone who seemed to be a nice person online in a chat room on Thurs ( 2 wks this coming Thurs). We seemed to hit it off, and talked online and then on the phone. He would call me like every other day and we had plans to meet on Saturday. Well we did meet on Saturday, but he dropped the bombshell on me that he's being shipped out to the Middle East on Wed.

We spent several hours together Saturday afternoon and then he had to go. I forgot to give him my address as he said it would be easier for him to initiate mail contact to me from his end when he got over there. So I called and left a message on his voice mail and he called me back and I gave him my address, he kept repeating some of the wrong things to me so I wonder if he took my address down or just faked it. I saw him online before I went out to our Mabon Ritual Saturday night and chatted with him briefly before going out. He told me his phone would be cut off today, but I called him at like 530 and his sister answered the phone and gave it to him and he said hello and seemed not to hear me say hello and hung up ( I had been talking on that phone all day at work so I know it worked)

My self esteem is low to begin with and he's handsome and funny and intelligent and my mind talk is saying what would he want with you anyways. He got what he wanted and that's it.

I know that I need to manifest the fact that he is interested in me and didn't use me at all. But I can't stop the mind chatter in my thoughts.

I'm just feeling so down tonight.

Thanks for listening

Cindy

Lendi · 09-24-2002, 01:06 AM

Hugs, Cindy. I'm sorry you are hurting. What awful luck. Don't let those self doubts intrude. Hang in there and see what happens. Your new friend is probably going through a pretty scarey, stressful time right now and may not be himself. Give him a chance to calm down, but don't give up on your own life. If it's meant, it will happen. There might be a reason for all this, just don't have a clue what it is. But, you are special and very worthwhile. He has already seen it, just a matter of time to work it all out. Hang in there and hugs again. Lendi

Cindy B · 09-24-2002, 07:17 AM

I called his number tonight. His "sister" answered. Said he was in the shower. I told her to tell him I called. She said to me are you the same Cindy who called the night before and I said yes and she said to me that he said he didn't know a Cindy. So I gave her my number to give to him and he never called. So I guess he just played me.

It's his loss. But oh well. I don't think I'm going to date anymore. I am going to be happy with being single and childless. ( although I have a friend in Orlando who would be happy to help me in the child part)

Oh well the story of my life.

Thanks for listening .

Thanks for the support Lendi.

Cindy

CTCyster · 09-24-2002, 05:18 PM

If he is avoiding your calls then he isn't worth your time or energy. It is so sad that some men have such little regard for women's feelings...sheesh!

Hang in there, cysta! Your soul mate might be just around the next corner!

*Aimee*

Lendi · 09-25-2002, 01:36 AM

Well, he is obviously not worth your time. But, please don't give up. There is someone special out there for you. It just isn't the time yet. My DD can vouch for that. She dated, well some losers for the most part. Nice guys, but absolutely not the ones for her Then, after not going out much for about a year she finally decided that she wouldn't meet anyone if she didn't. She went out with a friend to meet a guy, met another one who is absolutely terrific and very good looking, too. They've been going out for a few months now. The problem is that he is 6 years older than her. At 19 and 26 it caused me some concern, but I'm ok with it. At 16 and 24 I would have freaked and quite frankly she was not ready for him then. So, by going out with the others, she was able to see what was real, and it gave her time to grow up enough to have a relationship with with her now DBF. Your time and perfect guy will be there, just don't give up. Hugs, Lendi