During this whole battle with PCOS and over the last 5 years or so I have constantly struggled with my weight. I got married to my ex husband in 2005 and at that time I topped out at almost 220lbs. I'm only 5'2" so that's a lot of weight for anyone much less a short "petite" framed woman. About a year before we got married my grandmother asked me with if was pregnant because I had gotten so big. I was so embarrassed. Then in 2007 after a tough seperation soon to be divorced I dropped a ton of weight because the severe anxiety and depression.
Then shortly after in early 2008 when my (now) boyfriend and I met I weighed 155lbs,( I actually used one of my bridal pictures as my "weight loss story". I thought I couldve stood to lose more weight but I was more or less happy, I had to go shopping for more clothes because none of my "fat" clothes fit and I actually got to buy size 10 pants and medium shirts. At my heaviest I was wearing size 16 jeans and XL shirts. Well now, my old GYN put me on Depo Provera that only adds to the weight gain from the PCOS so now I'm at 180lbs, another 30lbs heavier. As I creep closer to 200 I get more and more depressed. I can't think of 1 part of my body that I'm happy with, except for my eyes--which is sad that those are the only part I like.
My hair is thinning, I shave 80% of my body including my chin, jawline and neck (like a man!!), my belly, butt and thighs are getting huge, My skin is pale and fair, I don't tan and my acne is really starting to act up again. I avoid pictures becuase after they're taken I realize how terrible I look and I erase them. I find myself editing pictures I've taken of myself to black out the fat rolls, the excess hair, and to make my body how I'm dying for it to be.
My dear boyfriend and I eat healthy now and we've bought a gym membership but I can't go because I've been in so much pain. We bought the membership 2 1/2 months ago and I haven't been able to go because I've missed 2 months of work, I'm in a ton of pain and I've had surgery and will be having another next week. Anytime I whine about getting fat, my boyfriend who NEVER lies about anything, (curse him) agrees with me, tells me I've gained weight and tells me if I want to lose it, then I should use the gym we're paying for. The problem is this, how can I go to the gym and kill myself on an elliptical machine or lift weights when I'm hurting so bad I just want to stay in bed and not move all day?? It hurts me that he doesn't understand that part, but he's getting used to this just as I am, eventually I hope he understands...
Sorry this one is so long.
__________________ Diagnosed with PCOS March 2009
Me (24), my DBF, Tommy(24) plus 1 fluffy cat (Maggie) and 1/2 puppy dog (Maddie) my 6 lb yorkie.
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Optimistically planning a wedding (January 16, 2009) and family (Hoping for 3 beautiful children.)
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What are you having surgery for? Also, can you switch from Depo to something else? Yaz or Yasmin worked wonders for me!! Depo is one of the worst as far as weight gain.
I'm having surgery with my new doctor where he will be using a lazer to drill holes into my ovaries to drain the cysts. I have stayed in pain and they can't make it go away so he wants to do this surgery so that I can FINALLY go back to work. After surgery he'll be starting me on Metformin and we'll be going to a different type of BC. My old doctor was the one who put me on Depo saying it should help and my new doctor has explained to me how bad it is as a choice. And that only tells me how clueless my old doctor was...lol.
__________________ Diagnosed with PCOS March 2009
Me (24), my DBF, Tommy(24) plus 1 fluffy cat (Maggie) and 1/2 puppy dog (Maddie) my 6 lb yorkie.
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Optimistically planning a wedding (January 16, 2009) and family (Hoping for 3 beautiful children.)
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I could have written that myself. Through the end of my first marriage and a couple of years after I topped the scale at 240 (I'm 5'3). It took about a year, but I made it down to 154 and I was sooooo happy. I then met my now husband and gained about 5 back. wasn't really concentrating on eating healthy. Just having fun. Then I quit smoking. Immediately I jumped right up to 188. Took 20 off before our wedding and was very happy at 168. Then we started TTC. I don't know if was the fertility drugs or what but I started gaining again. Then I had the m/c. well suffice to say I am now back up to 200 on the nose and am miserable about my weight and how I look. but now is not the time for me to do anything about it 'cause I'm now 4w3d pregnant. YAY!!! But, I still feel ugly. l too have hirsitism & wax brows, lip, chin, underarms, forearms, bikini, every 2-3 weeks, just to feel like a woman.
My DH, god bless his soul, loves me no matter what, but I have to love myself. Which I do, just not looking in the mirror.
Best of luck with the ovarian drilling. And know that you're not alone.
I was at 180 when I got married in 2002. After three years of fertility drugs, surgeries, treatments and horrible depression I reached 230 pounds. Seven years later I am now at 240 pounds and just can't seem to get motivated to try and lose it. It's so hard when your body hurts. Also, I am on Nuvaring which I think is making the depression even worse.
I just wanted to say you're not alone; I know how it feels to doctor your own photos and avoid the mirrors in the bathroom. I am sorry that you are in so much pain, and I hope the drilling goes well. The new doctor should be much better for your treatment than the other one. Good luck and best wishes to you!
Thank you for the encouragement, with YET another thing about this PCOS battle while it sucks that we ALL suffer with it, its comforting to know that I'm not as alone as I've felt. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, though, it sucks! In the last 2 months I've had so much bloodwork done I'm amazed I'm still living. To top that off I have terrible veins. They're extremely deep and small. Every time I've ever had an IV done or had blood drawn they've had to stick me anywhere from 4-6 times. I look like a bruised up pin cushion when they're done. I have to go in for my pre-op bloodwork today so needless to say I'm not thrilled but it's just another pain that I've learned to deal with, sadly. I just can't wait to get this surgery over with so I can get back to work and start feeling normal again..*sigh*
__________________ Diagnosed with PCOS March 2009
Me (24), my DBF, Tommy(24) plus 1 fluffy cat (Maggie) and 1/2 puppy dog (Maddie) my 6 lb yorkie.
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Optimistically planning a wedding (January 16, 2009) and family (Hoping for 3 beautiful children.)
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I know that these posts are supposed to help me feel that I am not alone (because really, you have all just written parts of my life story) but I still hate the way I look and the way I feel. I feel like everywhere I go people are looking at me and judging me for the size that I am---I get those looks that say "I know that you are fat because you're lazy and spend the entire day on the couch eating ice cream" and there's nothing I can do or say to make strangers know that I have a medical condition and I actually don't spend the entire day on the couch. You know it must be bad when I freaking work at Lane Bryant and am STILL getting those looks from other women. This condition has made me not only hate my life...but also myself. I can't help but blame myself for the way that I look.
This is just an update post surgery. The surgery was last Thursday and I'm feeling SO much better than before!! The pain I had before surgery is gone. While I've struggled pretty hard with the healing pains from surgery, I can't help but feel much more optimistic about my treatment. As the healing pains get better, my anticipation for going back to work and getting back into the gym grows. I have the drive to work out I just haven't been able to because of the pain. Now that is no longer a factor. So in combination with this new medicine, Met, I can start moving toward a happier, skinnier me!
__________________ Diagnosed with PCOS March 2009
Me (24), my DBF, Tommy(24) plus 1 fluffy cat (Maggie) and 1/2 puppy dog (Maddie) my 6 lb yorkie.
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Optimistically planning a wedding (January 16, 2009) and family (Hoping for 3 beautiful children.)
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i just wanted to say good luck and i understand. i'm so embarrassed by my appearance, i'm overweight, i weigh like 170 and am only 5'1 but my weight pretty much stays the same but still bothers me, but my hair is so thin and i looked so different a few years ago. this whole pcos thing is making me a huge ***** and i feel so bad for taking it out on my boyfriend. i feel like i'm making him and myself crazy.
I hate the way I look!! 
