I woke up this morning thinking that yesterday was all just a bad dream....then I realized, it wasn't.
My baby died yesterday.
I apologize if this turns into a rambling essay, but it is 5 am, my sleeping pill has worn off and I find myself here.
I was 9W2D yesterday when I went in to be checked for some mild spotting. Had my pelvic, doc said my cervix was shut tight and my uterus was full so I must have a clot in with the baby. He gave me a 50/50 chance of miscarriage but said that my body would most likely absorb the clot in a few weeks. But he sent me over for an u/s to be sure.
The tech started the u/s and when I first saw the baby, I knew something was wrong. I said to her, "There's no heartbeat is there?" She never found one. She did say that the baby measured right where it should in size so it must have just died. (We had seen the hb already in 2 previous u/s)
This m/c is different because in my other two, I had never seen a hb and they were much earlier. So I know that, indeed, this baby was alive for a few short weeks. This is what is breaking my heart.
I feel so responsible. I feel like I did this to my baby. Maybe I shouldn't have carried in the groceries, or lifted my son, or gone to the gym. Maybe if I hadn't done those things, my baby's heart would still be beating.
Today is Saturday and I have to wait until Monday for my d/c. I am ordered to take it easy all weekend so by doing that, I am left alone with my thoughts which are tearing me up.
We always said we wanted 3 or 4 kids but after this I don't know if I have the courage or the strength, or even the will to want to try again.
OK well this has turned into a ramble. I think I'll just pop two more sleeping pills and knock myself out for the rest of the day.
__________________
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im so sorry to hear about what has happened !! it was nothing that u did.i just had MC oct.13 so i know exactly what your going through and i was 12 weeks 3 days and we also saw the HB two times ..... i will keep u in my thoughts and prayers!!
__________________ Shannon Schmidt
Preston Mark arrived April 13th!!! 5 Lbs. 3 ounces 19 inches long.
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Amy Kathleen,
I was so sorry to read your post and there aren't any words that could take away your saddness and discouragement. Please don't blaim yourself! I don't want to throw out any "pat" answers or comments but I feel so bad for you and know that in time you will find comfort and peace again. I know Who it is that can hold your hands and carry you through. Be praying for you and thinking of you as well on Monday. I have read many of your posts though seldom post myself. Take care! Dodie
__________________ ~dodie~
me 36
dh 42
dx 1995
metformin
synthroid
None of the things that you did caused you to miscarry, I can tell you that will all certainty. I did the same thing after losing both of my baby boys. I also didn't feel that I could ever try again after my m/c at 18 weeks. So I just concentrated on taking care of myself and my body and healing. After about 8 weeks, I decided I really needed to know what was going on before I could try again. I wound up finding a wonderful RE who ran every test in the book on me and afterwards assured me that he felt I could carry to term. It then felt right for me to try again.
Right now, you just need to take care of yourself and just grieve now for the great loss of this baby. If things ever seem so bad, you can certainly pm or email me and I will answer you asap. I've been where you are and I've lived to be happy again and you will too!!
I will be praying for you tomorrow.
__________________ Elaine 41
Patrick 41
Allie 17 Ryan 8
Shop Avon with Me this Christmas
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I hate to hear that someone is going thru this. It brings me back to the times I misscarried. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lesia
__________________ Married to dh Brian 4-17-93
DS-Joshua Adopted : 6-19-03
Foster parents to 20 diffrent kiddos
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"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART; AND LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING. IN ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE SHALL DIRECT THY PATHS." PROVERBS 3: 5-6
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I agree with the other ladies, you did nothing to cause this to happen to your baby.
Boy, do I know those emotions about not wanting to TTC again. Please give it some time for your heart to feel better before you decide. Think about your other 2 children and how wonderful they are. Unfortunately sometimes we have to go thru some awful pain to get to enjoy some happiness. Someday when you are holding your 3rd child in your arms, you will realize he/she was worth the risk you take in TTC again.
__________________ Me 35, DH 52. DSS 22, DD 15
150mg of Effexor
Hysterectomy on Jan 17, 2006
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I have miscarried....again 
