I have a question..

shawnapooh · 11-01-2003, 11:57 PM

my niece's three kids were taken away from her (they tested positive for cocaine) and are now placed in foster care (state custody). My dh was thinking that maybe we should look into getting the older child who is 4 yrs old.

We are not blood related to her but we have been in her life since she was born. She knows us as family~auntie and uncle. We hate the thought of her being in foster care,she's such a great kid. Not that the other kids arent great but right now I couldnt imagine adding two more babies to my mommy workload.

I guess it would be a temp.custody/foster care situation. I know that her mom has to jump thru some serious hoops before she gets these kids back. The kids were taken away from the mom's parents because they let my niece take the kids trick or treating.

I'm under the impression that she was not to have them unsupervised due to them testing positive for cocaine. The grandparents are going to try and get the kids back but I dont think it looks good.

Ok now that I've rambled my question is~Do I even stand a chance of getting this child? What would I need to do? Would I just contact dhs in regards to this? Would I have to become certified or go thru some classes before I could have her in my home?

At this point I'm not looking to adopt her just wanted to open my home to her so she doesnt have to be in a unfamiliar place. If adoption ever came up of course we would be more than willing to take her. But right now I know that reuniting her with my niece is what's important. I really hope and pray that my niece gets her crap together so these kids dont have to be split up. It's a sad situation.

rachelmichellek · 11-02-2003, 07:37 PM

Many agencies do seek to place kids with appropriate people they already know, whether family or friends-of-family, as much as possible, to preserve the relationships for the child. So sure, I think it is possible for you to request and be selected to be the foster parents.

However if you can only take one of the three, that's another thing, because then the siblings would be losing the connection of being together with each other, which I think most caseworkers would decide against (are they all together in a foster home now?). Could you handle taking on all three if you got help? Say, if the bio grandparents helped you out with daily care, or even other family members who are concerned?

Or if nothing else, would the foster parents they are with now be open to you simply "being a resource" for the kids, while they are in foster care?

These are just some ideas. But call the DSS or agency and put yourself forward as a resource as soon as you can because you will probably need to go through the foster parent trainings and stuff.

shawnapooh · 11-02-2003, 10:38 PM

The two girls are together now in foster care. The baby is with another foster family but will be going back with the paternal grandmother probably by Tuesday.

The most hardest thing happened tonight I saw the girls at Walmart. The oldest ran up to me and just started bawling her eyes out. She clung to me and told me how scared she was. Tears filled up my eyes as I tried to reassure her that everything will be ok.

The foster parents seem nice enough~they let me visit with her for five minutes before they had to leave. I appreciated that time with her. 2 yr old little girl was just as happy as she could be and really looked ok with the foster mom. The 2 yr has never really been around the 4 yr old much since the mom would always pass the kids around to whomever would take them.

So the 2 yr old doenst think anything of it when she goes to someone else. It appears she adjusted well but the 4 yr old is a different story. She's a wreck,her eyes were swollen from crying probably all day. You can tell she's really confused and scared. She knows why she was taken away but she told me she doesnt understand why these people wouldnt let her go with me and my dh.

I tried to tell her that everything would be ok and that we would see if we could come see her and possibly take her home with us. I explained to her that the foster parents will take good care of her and that I would be thinking of her alot. I told her I loved her and then I had to let her go. It was so hard to have to pry her off myself and hand her back to them.

I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let go. Well,I'm calling DHS first thing tomorrow morning and see if I can get her. I am even considering taking the 2 yr old too if that's the only way. I dont want those kids to have to spend the holidays without the family.

You all have no idea how angry I am at my niece and her parents. It's just so sickening. How could they let this happen? Ugh,I just want to cry.

BTW,I want to thank you for taking the time to reply to this Rachel. I truly appreciate it. It's kinda dishearting to see it had fourty+ views but no responses. Once again thank you.

stormspirit · 11-02-2003, 10:59 PM

I just wanted to say that I think it's a really wonderful thing that you are trying to do. It would tear my heart out too. I would definately contact the DHS agency and do what you have to do to get those kids. If they are placed with you as foster parents and you do the program as foster/adopt if they do end up coming up for adoption most of the time the foster parents have the first option to adopt. I hope everything goes well...keep us posted.

Leigh Ann

Lisa2008 · 11-02-2003, 11:56 PM

i agree with rachele, sw like to try to keep siblings together. You would be entitled to foster/adoptive supports, in the way of money, or child care. im not shure about the program where you live, but there are usually alot of resorces available to keep siblings together. i'd call social services, and explain the situation. good luck with it. ill be thinking of you, lisa

cbeldner · 11-03-2003, 01:43 AM

I would definitely take the steps to bring your niece to your house. What does your husband and children think? It's a change for everyone. Let us know what happens.

It will not be an easy road. Sorry I don't have any info but I wish you all the best.

LacyM · 11-03-2003, 10:42 AM

In my state they do try to keep siblings together as much as possible. That being said.... We foster 3 children from a sib group of 4. At one time we had the oldest sibling as well. She was moved to a "family Member" who was not really related to them. The just call her aunt. The aunt wanted only her and she wanted to go, because it is close to bio dad. It is so sad to see how upset it makes her younger siblings.

If at all possible I would suggest trying to take at least the two oldest girls. It may not seem that the 2 yr old is affected, but she is in many ways. I will pray for your family that it all works out. It is great that the girls have a family member like you who is ready to love them and care for them until they can be reunited with bio mom.

I just wanted to add that there are great resources for foster parents through DFS. But here in Ohio they do not always consider family as foster parents and do not give as much support. We fostered my 15 yr old cousin and her 2 month old baby and they didn't even offer to help with formula or child care. Which was not a huge issue to us, but it would have been a nice offer

You may not even have to take the foster classes. If you are family they may just place them with you after a home visit and back ground check. Especially if Bio mom says she wants them with you.

Good Luck! You family and your nieces will be in my prayers.
Lacy

cyndl · 11-03-2003, 12:06 PM

i wanted to let you know that in my state/county, they would not place only one sib with you unless it was the absolute last choice. they really do all they can to keep the sibs together unless there is a problem between the sibs that it would be best that they're not placed together. i agree with the other ladies, they will probably ask you to take the two girls they have placed together at the very least. if you can i think it would be best for them to stay together.

good luck. i hope all works out for the best of the children.

cyn

rachelmichellek · 11-03-2003, 02:16 PM

I am so pleased to hear that they seem to have a good foster placement and the foster parents may be able to work with you. At an absolute minimum, you being a regular visitor to the foster parent's house or something like that can really keep the connections going for them, esp. the 4 year old. This is all such a positive sign.

And I want to echo Lacy, that the 2 year old may seem well adjusted in some ways now but really the way this all affects her could bubble up later-- from switching hands so many times, kids can get attachment disorders. Getting some stability/consistency ASAP for all the kids is really the best thing to work towards.

hunterli · 11-03-2003, 02:29 PM

Shawna, are these the kids that were living upstairs to you? I know you have been worrying about them for a long time. I hope you can at least keep in touch with them at the Foster parents' home.

Good luck!

Lis

shawnapooh · 11-03-2003, 03:47 PM

Lis~yes these are the same kids that I've been worrying and talking about. It's a sad situation but yet it's a good thing they were taken from their mother.

The kids caseworker called me today,actually 45 mins after I had placed my call to her and left a message. She was kinda standoffish at first but when I explained my attachment to the kids and what had happened last night she softened a little.

She took alot of information like my name,ss#,dob,address,phone number,same for my dh. She explained to me that we have to pass a background check before she will even consider us. I told her that shouldnt be a problem as both me and my husband have clean records. I also let her know that I'm a supervisor at my church's daycare so hopefully that will help some.

I told her I'm a stay at home mom to my 2 kids and that I have been in these kids lives since they were born. I have provided diapers,formula and clothes various times during their lives. She seemed to warm up to me at the end of the conversation as she told me that my niece totally missed out on her drug treatment appt. She didnt call to reschedule or canx~she flat out didnt show up. Right now things are not looking good for my niece.

Here's the problem~the maternal grandparents of the kids may not get them,if they dont then it looks like I'm the runner up for them. The grandpa spent 7 yrs in a state pentatinery for money fraud of some sort. He has been in and out of trouble with the law pretty much all his life ranging from burgery,money fraud,assualt,dui's etc. He was just released from prision in 1999. I dont know if they are going to consider his record or not when it comes to him and my niece's mom getting the kids.

Well that's all I know for now. I'm waiting for the caseworker to check our records,set up a time to come into our home and possibly get the kids. It looks good and bad right now. I just dont know what to make of it. Thank you all for your thoughts,advice and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated.

I love all this cysterly support! You all rock!

~Lisa~ · 11-03-2003, 06:51 PM

Hey, I replied to this on OP but just wanted to let you know I"m thinking of you and HOPE that you get some news soon and good luck with everything. Your wonderful for wanting to do this for the children. i wish you the best. Let me know what happens!

Memeshow · 11-03-2003, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shawnapooh
Here's the problem~the maternal grandparents of the kids may not get them,if they dont then it looks like I'm the runner up for them. The grandpa spent 7 yrs in a state pentatinery for money fraud of some sort. He has been in and out of trouble with the law pretty much all his life ranging from burgery,money fraud,assualt,dui's etc. He was just released from prision in 1999. I dont know if they are going to consider his record or not when it comes to him and my niece's mom getting the kids.

So does this mean that they would want you to take all three of them? Or just the older two?

Good Luck to you!

shawnapooh · 11-03-2003, 07:27 PM

The baby will be going to the paternal grandmother and I would more than likely end up with the two older ones,both girls.

LacyM · 11-03-2003, 10:47 PM

Shawna,
It sounds like this is at least a step in the right direction. It sounds like she is on the bal with trying to get them placed with family. I hope it all works out for you.
Lacy
PS. Congrats on getting the case worker to call you back in 45 minutes. I think that would be a record here

It takes at least 2 days to hear from ours! Luckily we have a worker from our private agency and from the state.