k___atie

i was - and still am - quite sad. i'm not at a point where i want children in my life and i suspect by the time i'm ready to have kids age+pcos issues will mean i won't conceive. when i got the diagnosis i did a few quick calculations and realised on the spot that it's very unlikely i'll be able to conceive naturally. my doctor thought i was getting teary eyed because of the physical issues (i'm vain; i really do hate the hair) but was reasonably understanding when i explained why i was upset.

i'm not ok with the diagnosis at all. this might sound terrible but i think about other people, who are nasty or have done bad things, and i wonder why they didn't get pcos instead. i see little girls who have babies at 14, 15, who can't parent those children properly and wonder why they're so deserving of a family and i'm not. selfish and ridiculous thinking, i know, but very hard to shake.

for the record i wouldn't go through fertility treatments. i've seen two people close to me struggling with their own fertility problems and it's not something i feel i could cope with. one of them has spent close to a decade and tens of thousands of dollars trying to fall pregnant only to get as close as a 5 month miscarriage. not for me.

ultimately, i'm accepting of pcos in my life - it won't go away, and denial is only going to worsen the symptoms. i know a lot of it is self-inflicted so i only have myself to blame. like i said, i'm sad about quite possibly not having children, but there are women who have great lives without kids and there's no reason i can't be one of them.

TheGigglingFrog

A wise woman once told me:

Don't borrow worries and troubles from tomorrow.

Easier said than done. Remember that you are exactly where you need to be doing exactly what you need to be doing in exactly the right moment. You may not understand why now, but somewhere down the road you will look back and say, aha, that's why that happened. All your emotions are valid, and they are going to change as time goes by. It's fine to take some time to go to a corner and lick your wounds, so to speak, but don't stay there to long... the wounds will heel over and you will need them to be flexible and move with you in the future... if you just stay in the corner, your wounds will heel stiffly and you won't be able to move freely in the future because the scars are too tight. ~ metaphorically speaking of course...

jessica7137

Well after I left the doctors office I called my DH and cried. The doctor turned my world upside down in a 15 min. appt. I had never heard of PCOS and just thought my period fluctuated all the time because of my weight. At least thats what a doctor told me. After I told my DH I called my mom and cried again. Then that evening my MIL showed up at my house with Cubs tickets to take my mind of everything. It was a whirlwind of a day!

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DX: April 2008
Metformin 1500 mg, Prenatals,Cirnone

BFP!!!!! 11-10-08
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Beta #1 358 11/11/08
Beta #2 890 11/13/08
Beta #3 10,340 11/21/08

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tiffanyleigh614

it's not so much a problem to me, just annoyance
i found out when i was about 13, so i haven't ever really known any different.
and of course when i found out i was too young to understand or care really, yeah the weight really bothered me at that age but that's about it, i was 13 yrs old not having a period, wuts not to love?!
i've grown to accept myself and my body, so i'm pretty comfortable in my skin, the only major problem is the hair, i get tired of shaving it, i still have no periods which i still love, i know it's unhealthy but really i don't know wut to do about either
BCP was already right on about getting me to have a period, until this last go around, i was on it for a few months and AF never showed, so i took myself off
i don't really want kids, so the infertility part isn't to big of an issue

GuitarBee

TheGigglingFrog, I admire you for getting to that "rock in the shoe" stage of acceptance--unfortunately I have not yet reached that point. I was dx'd when I was 18 and have been grappling with the diagnosis for a year now. I was not given adequate support or advice on how to manage PCOS, except to "lose weight and stay slim and thin to avoid diabetes." That was from an RE that I hate with a passion who gave me the wrong medicine...I was getting my AF too often (every 2 weeks) and Provera is supposed to induce AF, not stop it.

At my heaviest and at the time of my diagnosis I was about 163-165 lbs. I have since lost about 25 pounds (not sure because I haven't weighed myself in a long time) and am working towards losing more. I feel like once I get to my goal weight I will have come to terms with PCOS, because right now, I'm confused and frustrated.

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cemomster

I was relieved that there was a name to it! I finally found out why I gained 50 lbs in 1.5 months!

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Jenny
~Carl's Wife 4-18-98
Mommy to CJ 6-21 -99 and Emily 2-23-07 BOTH ARE MIRACLES!
DX 2000, Metformin Battle 2500 MG


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TheGigglingFrog

GuitarBee ~ I have had 15 years to get use to the idea, so give yourself time and patience, be gentle with your precious self! I still have days when I feel like I must have transparent skin and the whole world can see that I'm *broken*, but I'm fairly certain that I would have those days even without the PCOS. In part it is a cultural focus on perfection, which of course, no one is! Marketing is designed to make you feel BAD so brand xyz can rescue you to feeling good when you buy the newest product. We get that message so many times a day...

It sounds like you are 20is, correct? Part of being in your twenties is coming to grips with who you are, it is a great and terrible time in life Please know that not all of your struggles necessarily are related to PCOS, but it is an easy skapegoat. It still is for me at 34! Your emotions and frustration are valid, don't ever let anyone tell you they aren't!!! If you are going along fine and then one day get really pissed off that you have PCOS, don't try to push away the *bad* emotion becuase it is *wrong*. Stick with it, embrace it, and try to get to the bottom of it so you can move on. It took me a long time to understand that pushing away the emotions doesn't get rid of them and when I finally felt it was okay to investiage them, boy did I have a mess!!! Your friends won't necessarily understand. Your boyfriends and husband won't necessarily understand. But they will have their own spoonful of crap that you don't get At least you have thousands of cysters

etuc

I had been trying to figure out what was wrong with me all my life so when I was Dxd when I was 37 I was thrilled to have a name to go with all the symptoms! After the Dr dxd me I went and cried in the car then ran to the library to look it up. I became really angry that I had showed so many obvious symptoms for so many years and begged many drs for help. One Dr almost killed me trying to "fix" my acne with a drug for lepers and another almost killed me with BCP, both those incidents happened before I was 20.

I went through a mourning process over all the time I lost, the money I wasted on Drs and my needless brushes with death because my "specialists" were a bunch of morons who couldn't put 2 and 2 together. I think if I had been dxd sooner my life would have been much better, so I mourned what could have been.

Now I cope and am extremely happy, it was a long road to get here.

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CapriPGH

I was just diagnosed yesterday - finally after many years I know why I have all these symptoms. I'm glad to know but I'm angry that I spent so much time going to a dr who didn't want to listen to my suggestion of having PCOS. I'm not a doctor, what do I know, right? At least my new dr listened and had me go thru all the tests - now I can deal with it head-on.

It's disappointing because I always wanted to be a mom but at 36, I know my chances are slim as it is. I guess my philosophy now is "one day at a time" but at least I'm not alone judging by all the posts here.

Jakes_Angel

THe day I was DXed I was at the dr cause I had a pretty bad pain in my lower abdomen and I was getting dizzy a lot. Thought I might be pg. They did a pg test on me and told me it was negative but that it may be appendicitis...well the dr did a full workup on me sinc i handt had a dr since i was like 14 or 15...and he told me that all my sypmtoms that I had struggled with for years, the weight gain, the acne, the depression all had to do with PCOS....he wanted to run tests on me including checking y white blood cell count to see if I had an infection...Turned out I didnt have appendistis and I did have PCOS...he simply told me that it was probably a cyst that had burst and that I needed to start metformin...that I should lose a little weight at that time. ha ha ha the met didnt work back then...anyways so I was relieved that I wasnt going ot have to have emergency surgery and that I now had a reason for my miserable existance(I hated school always got made fun of....I actually understtod where the columbine kids were coming from as I was one of the ones that felt left out and made fun of all the time....if that tells you how bad it sucked to be me in school) during my middle andhigh school years...so yeah I was happy to finally know why and know that I could get treated for everything or at least be on my way to get treatment for it all.

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~Clomid Rd 4-5/07-150mg-HPT+ on 6/12/07
10/18-IT'S A BOY!!!
Trevor Jakeb was expected on 2/18/08
Trey was stillborn on 3-1-08 at 41 weeks

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WE MISS YOU SO MUCH!
~Clomid rd2 2nd x-100mg-HPT+ 11/14/08

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uwalcott

I found out through a letter sent to my house telling me that my labs came back for high LH/low FSH and high testosterone. I had been TTC for nearly two years at that point, and though I was sad, I was also somewhat relieved to finally have an answer and maybe some treatment that could lead to a baby. I did get that baby, but later on found out that we had a double whammy-- after a m/c and further unsuccessful TTC while being treated for PCOS, we found out my DH had severe male factor infertility as well. THAT was when I felt like the stars in their courses truly fought against me. The infertility thing has undoubtedly been the hardest. The weight, acne and body hair, although they do bother me, do not annoy me excessively. It's always just been who I am and what I look like. And at least now I can blame it on a disease and not just on being ugly. In a way that's almost better. Now I am pg with my second child and (fingers crossed) everything turns out well I almost feel like I can forget I ever had PCOS because I got the family I wanted.

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Suzi and Lamar
PCOS and MF
TTC baby #1 since 2002
BFP March 2005!
Elisa Mari Walcott born 11-14-2005
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Surprise BFP June 2007!
M/C angel baby Emmanuella 8-15-2007
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TTC #2 since 9-2007
BFP!!!! 5/27/2008
Baby girl! 9/23/2008
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GuitarBee

I'm 19...close enough. The good news though is that I have 2 roommates who understand what I'm going through and am an executive board member of For The Women, the women's empowerment club at my college, and they're all very understanding girls. I think being detached from my parents and brother while on campus is good for me because they're not as understanding about it, even though my parents are the ones who are paying for my medical help.

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TheGigglingFrog

GB ~ WOW! The Women sound great! My school didn't have anything like that (at least that I was aware of). That is fantastic that you have a good support system!

Mischa.simpson

I felt the same DJZ although the tears didn't come. Even though you know something is wrong it is quite the slap in the face when in becomes official.

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Me (28) DP(28)circa 2001,TTC #1 since 2007, DX 9/22/08
Beta1 @ 14DPO 194,Beta2 @ 16DPO 500
Beta #3@ 26 DPO( 5W6D)
U/S19DPO gsac 4mm, U/S 7w4d CRL 1.35cm
Planning home birth w/ midwife if approved
Next appt. 12/17/08, Next u/s@ 18weeks

LORENAolivas

mine was also a confirmation.

i felt relieved, but just so angry at life and at God and just at everyone.
what had i done to deserve something like this?? i just couldnt and cant understand.

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