So on the anniversary of my daughter's death one of my best friends actually thought it would be a good idea to send a replica of the wreath I'd had for Connie's funeral.
Let that sink in. Yes - a replica of the wreath.
You wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone, "Hey Auntie Betty, I know it's a year since you lost Uncle Fred, so I thought it would be nice for you to have a replica of the wreath you got him. A 2ft high FRED in white carnations will look lovely on the mantlepiece..."
Why do people short circuit when it comes to the loss of a baby? Why do they think that different rules apply?
Having a wreath show up at any time other than for a funeral is enough to shock and freak out anyone. Where was her brain? Thank God a friend is the florist and she said she wouldn't do it because it was a seriously bad idea.
Then my other friend thought it appropriate to whitter on about whether she should or shouldn't have a baby with her boyfriend (who is a Cancerian and does all but grow excess hair around the full moon.)
Then there was the other friend who said, "So which anniversary is this?" Like I'm overindulging in anniversaries. I said, "This is when I lost her." And she clearly didn't take that in before saying, "But you didn't even know anything was wrong this time last year." And started arguing with me about it. like I don't have it indelibly marked on my brain. Arghghghghghghghghghghghghghgh
I think I have spent most of the weekend with my jaw hanging round my ankles.
I'm sorry there are so many insinsitive people around you. There are so many thoughtful things a person can do. Why, oh why can't people just see what ought to be obvious! (((((hugs)))) My thoughts are with you.
I'm sorry that so many people just weren't thinking right. I am just amazed at how people can act sometimes.
I had an ex-boyfriend who said something I'll never forget. "People will always disappoint you." That was the most insightful thing that man ever said, and I still remember it and say it, 8 years later.
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Steph, I'm sorry. Just when I thought I'd heard the stupidest comment/action, yet, somebody comes along and tops it!
I hope things are a little better now.
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So on the anniversary of my daughter's death one of my best friends actually thought it would be a good idea to send a replica of the wreath I'd had for Connie's funeral.
Let that sink in. Yes - a replica of the wreath.
You wouldn't dream of doing that to anyone, "Hey Auntie Betty, I know it's a year since you lost Uncle Fred, so I thought it would be nice for you to have a replica of the wreath you got him. A 2ft high FRED in white carnations will look lovely on the mantlepiece..."
Why do people short circuit when it comes to the loss of a baby? Why do they think that different rules apply?
Having a wreath show up at any time other than for a funeral is enough to shock and freak out anyone. Where was her brain? Thank God a friend is the florist and she said she wouldn't do it because it was a seriously bad idea.
Then my other friend thought it appropriate to whitter on about whether she should or shouldn't have a baby with her boyfriend (who is a Cancerian and does all but grow excess hair around the full moon.)
Then there was the other friend who said, "So which anniversary is this?" Like I'm overindulging in anniversaries. I said, "This is when I lost her." And she clearly didn't take that in before saying, "But you didn't even know anything was wrong this time last year." And started arguing with me about it. like I don't have it indelibly marked on my brain. Arghghghghghghghghghghghghghgh
I think I have spent most of the weekend with my jaw hanging round my ankles.
That God for this place.
Stephx
I wish there was a hug smiley...I'm so sorry......
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I hope you find some smarter people this week! Why can't people just say, "I'm here if you want to talk. We will always miss her, too." Maybe that sounds too simple.
Best Wishes,
Sheri
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First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
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I am sorry that people did things you felt inappropriate (ie wreath), and deffinetly said things that were hurtful .. even if it was innocent.
I have to admit though that if someone sent me a replica of the wreath we had on Sarah's casket, I would actually be thankful myself. Just because I don't think anyone will think of her besides me and DH, even though Sarah was almost 3 months old when she died and plenty of people had met her and held her. I think there is always a fine line though of what to do or say... people don't know and just to have her and us remembered on Sunday would mean a lot personally. Each of us handles things our own ways though. I would say don't be too hard on the person that wanted to send the wreath, she just wanted you to know she was thinking of you and Connie. As for the people with the rude comments... I am really really sorry.
Hugs to you
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I hate it when you feel like you're a "freak" for remembering............if you mention it.......it becomes "your thing" not a loss of a child.............and no one else does remember. I can see your point about appreciating anyone else remembering.........
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Whoa! That one takes the cake! Tetley, I'm so sorry. Mostly I'm so sorry that there are such idiots among us. I used to tell myself people that mean well, but, dang, how could that possibly be a well meaning gesture.
I wish you peace during this difficult time.
Gina
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"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
I think you should re-visit the "laxative" initiative that you implemented on your boss. Maybe it will stop people in their tracks, just right before they say or do something stupid! A little cleaning...i mean clearing the mind.
Oh yes, I am in one of THOSE moods!
Hang in there!
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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Thanks for the support girls. It was nice of her to remember, but i had reminded her only the day before. If I'd opened my front door and seen an unannounced full on replica wreath on the doorstep I would have been a heap on the floor beside it.
I'm sure she meant well...........since some folks have never been in that boat, they don't realize their well meaning actions are really just idiocy in disguise
hugs to you
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I agree with April. She must have meant well. I think most people really DO mean well, they truly don't know what they say or do can be hurtful. There should be a required class in "common sense", I tell ya!
think of that tho........there's only a handful of us who could teach the class! LOL
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I just don't believe it 
