I've been home, 2000+ miles from my husband, taking care of my terminally ill mother for the past month.
It's round the clock. My life consists of feeding, bathing, insulin shots and giving other meds to mom.
I'm losing my best friend in the world to a horrible, painful disease and all I can think of, is that I want this to be over. That I want her to hurry up and die. That I don't want it to take the 6 months on the 0-6 month timeline that the doctors gave us. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts. I'm lonley, sad, depressed, exhausted and angry that I'm doing this again. Dad died the same way several years ago.
I'm mad that she didn't take better care of her health. She was a horrible diabetic. This has been such a wake up call to me that I've lost 15 lbs because I don't want to end up the same way.
I'm angry that she won't be around when we finally have children. That her plans to come out and see my husband graduate next summer can't happen. That my brothers will have lost both their parents by the ages of 19 and 21. This just sucks.
You have every right to feel what you are feeling! It's so difficult caring for parents! Especially when they've done such a poor job caring for themselves. Are there any support groups available. Check local hospitals or call a local United Way for caregiver support groups...you need a place to cry, vent, laugh, scream whatever. A program that comes to mind is the Caring for the Caregiver program...please check around.
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I lost my mom 5 yrs ago to a horrible disease also. I also took care of her from the time she became ill to the day she passed away at home.
I did the same thing you're now doing,the bathing,feeding,giving meds 24/7.
The stress of it all will make your grieving even worse.
"I'm lonley, sad, depressed, exhausted and angry" are all normal reactions to the grief you're going through. The wanting it to be over and the guilt for having those thoughts are understandable. You don't want to be in the position of having to do the things that must be done and even worse-you don't want your mom-your best friend-going though this horrible time.
Is there anyone that can stay with your mom for a couple of hours? It would really help you to get away from the situation for a short time. Yes, if you are able to get away you will probably feel guilty about leaving but for your own sake please take the time if possible.
Have you thought about contacting a local hospice organization? They can be found in the yellow pages--also you mom's doctor can refer you to one if he hasn't already. They are a lifeline. They will come in,check on your mom and you. They have counselors available to talk to-they are trained in grief counselling. Also available through hospice are people who will come and sit with your mom while you take a break--1-2 hrs or so. They have been trained by hospice in watching the patient and are another great resource for you.
I am here for you. Please let me know how you are doing.
dberg, it would be hard to not feel the things that you are feeling while dealing with that. I pray for strength for you to make it through this tough situation.
I just don't see how this can go on anymore 
