I my DH more than anything in this world. Everytime there is a problem between us I always talk it out with him. But, lately I tell him my feelings , like if I am feeling lonely etc.., and he doesn't really care. He use to work midnight shift and blamed his crankiness on the fact that he never got any sleep. Well he changed his shift and he is still the same way. I try to talk to him like carry on a civilized convo and he either starts being an ass, or doesn't listen to me. I always ask how work was for him everyday, and listen to him. I just don't understand. I do so much for him and it kills him to do anything for me. I don't expect much from him. Just the same respect I give him. He has had all weekend off, and like last night he is in bed even though I expressed how I was feeling. He slept in this morning and still is extremly tired. He is not sick believe me.... LOL His first wife treated him the same way he is treating me. I am just so hurt. I don't know what to do.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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awwww Peanut this isn't good is it? Methinks you need to give him a sharp shock....like a threat.
If I were you, I'd tell him that he better pull his act together or you will have no choice but to make a decision on your relationship. I'd point out that he is treating you, exactly the same way that his ex treated him and its unacceptable.
pm me if you want to chat....I'm a good listener!
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37, diag 1993 - textbook case! tried; Dianette*Met*Provera.Now back on Spiro, & taking; Atracand for high BP*Evening Primrose Oil*Milk Thistle*Cinnamon*Agnus Castus*Multivitamin + Minerals with Probiotic*St Johns Wort*Glucosamine*
Before moving to threats-- have you asked him why his behavior has changed? (Using lots of "I feel" "I'm worried" statements, rather than "You never...anymore") Maybe even if his shift has changed he's under stress at work... try to talk to him and offer him comfort if you haven't already ("I notice you've been less talkative lately... are you under a lot of pressure at work? Is there something wrong? You know I love you and want you to be happy."). I know that you've been asking him about work, but maybe he needs more pointed questions.
Suggest to him that you go out on a date together, "I feel like we haven't been spending a lot of quality time together...we're growing distant, let's spend some time to reconnect"
You shouldn't have to put up with him being an ass. I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I would probably say, "It hurts me when you say something like that" or if I was feeling super mean, "Why would you say something so hurtful?" (or you could joke and say, "That wasn't a very nice thing to say" like teachers and moms do, or just start laughing, or start crying... I dunno).
Then depending on his response, step #2 would be to suggest counseling. Then after those options are exhausted and if you're still unhappy consider reconsidering the relationship as georgy suggested.
Thanks ladies!! Everything you said to me I have done!!
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I sometimes find it better to put into words. That way he has time to read it and let it sink in. Then we both don't get defensive. I wish you all the best. Good luck!
__________________ DX: 4/6/05 PCOS
DX: 9/04 Estrogen Dominant
Treatment: 1500 mg Metformin ER/Prometrium
Diet: IR - Weight Loss 60 lbs to date
Me 40 & DH 41
2 children - DS 13 & DD 8
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Peanut- I just wanted to say that my husband is the same way most of the time. I am the most caring, friendly person ever. I am always there for him no matter what. He doesn't really tell me any of his problems and I wish he would. He keeps everything inside and then explodes. But, I always tell him that I am there for him and will help him get through anything.
Well, last wednesday we had a huge fight. I came home from work in a bad mood because I had a terrible day. He wasn't there for me the least little bit. He could care less. I was all emotional (must be preg hormones or something) but I just wanted someone to talk to and he wouldn't listen.
Sometimes men are just like this I guess. Or, maybe we just married A-holes!!!! I don't know. BUT, if you ever want to talk, just email me or something. I can totally relate.
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This is just a thought...
Give it time.
You are both still adjusting to his new work hours. Even a change for the better can be stressful in ways we might not even be conscious of.
My DH works long hours (UPS driver) and last week he finally got some time off. I was so looking forward to this time together. But, early on in the week off, I found myself snapping at him and complaining to him too much. I had to step back and take a good look at myself. That's when I realized that I had gotten used to having my "routines" (my own exercise, housecleaning and even sneaking a soap opera schedule) without him around and that they had been totally thrown off with him being home. I had gotten too set in my ways and this disruption of my usual daily patterns was annoying. When I reminded myself that being with DH was more important than a silly soap opera and when we did a few fun things just for ourselves (went out to breakfast) during his vacation, then things turned around for the better.
Perhaps you both just need some getting used to being around each other again. Also, he may be adjusting to new sleep patterns which can really throw you off base as far as moods.
I am hoping with time and patience, you both will ultimately adapt to this new schedule beautifully.
((((((hugs)))))), Kathryn
__________________ I LOVE BICYCLING!
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my dbf is the same... He works as a nurse, and when He works 12 hour nights, he gets very cranky... I talk to him.. ya know do small talk.. and i hear him sigh.. as if he doesn't want to listen...
I think part of it .. is how different men and women are... but that' sjust my two cents...
I am here if you want to talk... cause it seems we have men in our lives that are causing us the same kind of grief.
__________________ Léa: 32yo To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. long distance BF since Dec 23rd 2007 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Epileptic : Neurontin & Tegretol PCOS : Metformin 1000mg started 01-06-2005
increased to 1500mg on 11-07-2005
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peanut, *hugs* i am so sorry to hear about the tension at home. i realy agree with nicole's advice, especially the counseling. i mean, it never hurts to learn to understand one another better. my ex-fiance and i did couples counseling for a while... it did help us to communicate better. and *i* got lots of insight into myself and relationship dynamics from it, even if he didn't.
in addition to the therapy sessions, we worked from an awesome book that our therapist reccomended. it's called "getting the love you want: a guide for couples" by harvel henricks. there's a good overview of the book on amazon.com- http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...151727-0863227 there are exercises in the back of the book you can do. they're meant for couples, but you can do them alone if you want for the personal insights. i found them to be helpful. even though we ultimately broke up, i learned a lot about relationship dynamics and why i make the relationship choices that i do. it's worth checking out.
i hope this helps and i wish the two of you the best of luck.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I just don't understand..... 
my DH more than anything in this world. Everytime there is a problem between us I always talk it out with him. But, lately I tell him my feelings , like if I am feeling lonely etc.., and he doesn't really care. He use to work midnight shift and blamed his crankiness on the fact that he never got any sleep. Well he changed his shift and he is still the same way. I try to talk to him like carry on a civilized convo and he either starts being an ass, or doesn't listen to me. I always ask how work was for him everyday, and listen to him. I just don't understand. I do so much for him and it kills him to do anything for me. I don't expect much from him. Just the same respect I give him. He has had all weekend off, and like last night he is in bed even though I expressed how I was feeling. He slept in this morning and still is extremly tired. He is not sick believe me.... LOL His first wife treated him the same way he is treating me. I am just so hurt. I don't know what to do.
Kathryn
