I just got dumped...

Sarah2 · 08-21-2009, 04:47 AM

I never thought id be here again.... I was dating my best friend I thought things were going well...but like every other guy he didn't love me...they never love me i fall in love with them and they never love me...they love the next girl after me and marry her usually but not me. I am in shock devastated and not sure what to do. I am losing so much and this came out of nowhere. I have so much anxiety I can't sleep it just happened a few hours ago. I am unemployed and don't have a lot of friends or social support and he was so much to me losing all of that at once is a big blow and I don't know how I will get better. I thought he was the one and he thought of me as a friend he never really liked that much in that way. I can't imagine being w anyone else and obviously that is normal right now but I mean he was the one for me in everyway we were best friends,so compatible, common interests, he got me like nobody else has ever, patient, kind, there for me, generous (with everything but his feelings) I am empty and would like any words of advice.........

PuppyLove · 08-21-2009, 11:01 AM

Oh sweetheart (((hugs)))

A relationship ending is very hard, I know. I wish I could make it all better for you hun. Really the best thing is time, time to grieve and just be gentle with yourself. Try and do things that you enjoy and make you feel good. Spend time with family and friends, watch movies that make you laugh.

Thinking of you

TiaJadeddevil · 08-21-2009, 09:01 PM

There really is someone out there for you. A break up is almost like a death, instead of grieving over a person your actually grieving your image of what could have been. I had a huge problem with breakups years ago. I attempted suicide when my first love broke up with me and the breakups after that were just as emotional even if I was the one doing the dumping. I know think that might have something to do with Borderline personality disorder tho I have yet to be dx`d.

My partner of 3 years passed away suddenly at the age of 21 and it almost killed me. I didn`t leave my house for about a year and drank up to 2 bottles of wine a day. It just didnt seem fair that I lost the love of my life at 24. I met my current boyfriend on plentyoffish and we`ve been living together almost 2 years. I don`t know if we`ll be together forever and I know if we break up it`ll be hard but nothing will ever hurt as much as Justin dying and I know that I can make it through anything now.

You have made it through past breakups and will do it again. It`ll hurt for awhile but the hurt lessens and you will meet someone else. Just know that you are stronger than you think!

Sarah2 · 08-22-2009, 09:50 AM

Thank you for your kind words but the pain is so bad....I have been crying a lot recently due to my current situation of not working and not having too many close friends and he was always there for me. I felt badly putting that on him and said to him you are going to leave me bec I have a lot of bad things that happen to me in my life. He never said it bothered him that I cried and he said you can always come to me with anything... I didn't cry everyday or anything it was a few times in the last few months bec things have been bad with job rejections and losing my unemployment. I cry for like an hour and then I am fine but he said the last time he called me and I was crying was like the moment he realized he didn't love me and didn't want to be w me anymore and it makes me feel so much regret. My family tells me nobody wants to hear peoples problems all the time and be around someone who is negative or who has bad things going on all the time. I can see that but he could have said to me the crying is a lot to handle or something. When he called I didn't even want to talk about it he kept probing me to talk bec he knew I was upset. I just have so much regret and I guess he would have ended it anyway and the "right" guy (which I soooooo thought he was) would have stayed around. Please help me.....

PuppyLove · 08-26-2009, 06:40 PM

Oh Sarah (((hugs)))
You are going through the grieving process hun, it's a painful place to be, especially if you suffer from depression as well. Perhaps it would be a good idea to see a counsellor to help you through this?

Hang in there hun, you WILL get through this, I promise.

williewagtail · 08-28-2009, 11:13 AM

Hi Sarah,

I feel for you so much!. I know that there is a fine line between picking yourself up, or letting yourself and your thoughts get the better of you. I think your ex boyfriend should have been more supportive. And I dont like what your parents are saying about no one likes to hear some one crying. Like you said, its not like you cried every day!!!!. Your right to feel that way because life is a *****, and it takes hard work to find yourself and keep yourself fulfilled and busy. Somehow be kind to yourself, its not important to have a boyfriend or have heaps of friends, just make an effort (and it will be very trying for you) but I would take on what you are ready for, and find someone you can drag out for the night. For some reason I just think you have to get out and let your hair down, maybe its frowned against to do something like that because its like your on the rebound, but if you keep getting yourself together you will eventually move on and I'm sure you will be looking back being grateful for the new life you've created for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PuppyLove

Oh Sarah (((hugs)))
You are going through the grieving process hun, it's a painful place to be, especially if you suffer from depression as well. Perhaps it would be a good idea to see a counsellor to help you through this?

Hang in there hun, you WILL get through this, I promise.

alliemyangel06 · 08-30-2009, 07:18 PM

Hi Sarah,

Girl I went through the same thing in July. And because of it im on medication anxiety meds antidepressents and I see a therapist once a month and I have my days some good and some bad this moring I woke up crying for no reason just because I missed him. It gets hard I was the same as you I thought he was the one for me we been together since 2003 and bam he just up and left no reason he's just an a$$. he left me unemployed broke back rent needed to be paid because of him I lost my car my neice i had custody of my job but see at that time it mattered but I figured I could get that all together again as long as I had him by myside HA boy was I wrong. I listen to music with meaning to help me cope. some of it angry some sad but in the end I felt better. I too have few friends and they are happy he's gone they dont like him at all. So I cant really express myself to them about him. So once again Im alone in this subject. But hang in there keep your head up PM me if you wanna chat

Sarah2 · 08-31-2009, 06:50 PM

Thank you for all responding to me. I just am still so sad.. I haven't eaten in 12 days I just can't. I mean I had like 10 frosted flakes but that's about all I could manage. I am trying to make new friends (he joined the group where we met so I can't go back there to meet people in the hood) I decided to try to meet people in the city not exactly my hood but close. I did meet a girl in my hood and she is nice and we hung today but I feel that I am so clingy and sad right now. I don't want to be alone for a min. I go to my moms a lot and stay there for a while bec I can't be alone. I started meds and seeinga therapist not sure how she will work out (I have been thru a lot and I know what I am looking for and need) I know I need to work on me. I am scared with how much is wrong w me and I hope I can fix it. I miss him as my friend more than anything he was my baby we spoke everyday and now its 12 days with no contact it kills me. I know he misses me as a friend bec we had a very special friendship but still he is doing fine and it's not about him its about me. I need to get a job to get my mind off of him for a bit. I wish I didn't live alone so I had someone around me for a bit. I am just so sad and want to speed this process up and KNOW I will be better. I cannot even think about someone else but I also don't think there will ever be anything like I felt with him....

Dennlet · 08-31-2009, 06:57 PM

That sucks

Every time i get dumped i spend days crying and feeling sorry for myself. What i can tell you that the book "It's called a brake up because it's broken" really helped me feel better all those times.

It's ok to feel bad, but you should try to eat.

Hope you feel better soon

xx

Dennlet · 08-31-2009, 06:59 PM

PS.

If all else fails go out , get drunk, get off with someone else.

Not the best option but always made me feel better short term

Sarah2 · 09-03-2009, 01:39 PM

So he sends me an email telling mehow I am great and its nothing I did and how he has been miserable without me and crying adn thinking of me night and day. So I call him and he comes over to talk and he realizes he does love me that these feelings can't be just for a friend or more than a friend. He swears he wants to be my bf and he is ready to do it fully and be committed to me. He lets me call my mom in front of him and tell her these things.... and then he starts freaking out again. (He has serious issues childhood stuff-adulthood) He can't trust himself he can't trust his thoughts he cant trust his feelings. He knows he loves me and has never felt this way about anyone before but he is scared he could hurt me again and he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't knw what to think...this is mere hours after promising me it's all good. He cried all day and I was like who are you... I asked if he wanted to have sex (not then just in general) and he was like not really then I was like forget it you don't want me as a gf you want me as yuor best friend that you cuddle and kiss you don't see me as a sexual thing and that isnt fair. Then he was all confused and crying and he left and that was that and I am even worse off now. I know its not me and I know he has major issues with relationships that i can't solve but I also know he is out there suffering like me and it can all go away and his ****ed up head won't allow it.

I am a mess help....

Dennlet · 09-04-2009, 07:39 AM

This is gonna sound harsh but you need to cut this guy out of your life.

Change your phone number, email address and if he comes over tell him to piss off. The guy may have problems (hey who doesn't, life is full of crap) but why should you have to put up with them? You surely have your own issues to be getting on with, his are not your problem.

He clearly needs councelling but guess what, that's not your job! If you really want to be with this guy tell him to sort his problems out and then come back to you till then you don't want anymore to do with him.

xx

Sarah2 · 09-04-2009, 03:19 PM

I agree he is done... we had a long talk yest and now he knows he doesn't want to be with me in a romantic relationship. He came over and said those things bec that is what he thought he should do not bec he wanted to get back together. We spoke for a while how it's not me and I am wonderful and amazing but he just can't give me what I need and love me the way I deserve. He is convinced that I will find someone else who can give me all those things I am not so convinced. He took off work all week he can't deal but it's bec he is losing me as a best friend not so much as a gf. He just doesn't have those feelings and I can't be angry at him for that. I do feel better having some closure but I am scared that I will never feel this way again and he was so kind to me always on my side a true best friend and I worry so that I will never have that with anyone again. I miss him terribly but for now the crying has stopped. Still haven't eaten in 15 days and sleep isn't the best so much anxiety but it's getting better slowly. I just want this over and I want to be normal and I want to have love returned to me..........

Dennlet · 09-04-2009, 04:35 PM

At leaset you are feeling a bit better.

Break up's are crap and the fact he was your best friend makes it worse. It's ok to feel bad. Try to spend time with your other (female) friends. Go shopping, watch girly feel good movies (I suggest Bridget Jones)

Please try and eat though before you colapse! Icecream is good. Pass the Ben and Jerrys

Good luck

xx

williewagtail · 09-06-2009, 05:44 AM

Yeah good luck with everything. Be good to yourself, and get out more so you can get over it and get on with your life. Remember theres no rule saying that you guys cant be friends, just not romantically it seems. It would be a shame if you guys werent able to put it behind in order to save a really good friendship. Good friends are far and few between. I hope you can work it out and get on with your lives at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dennlet

At leaset you are feeling a bit better.

Break up's are crap and the fact he was your best friend makes it worse. It's ok to feel bad. Try to spend time with your other (female) friends. Go shopping, watch girly feel good movies (I suggest Bridget Jones)

Please try and eat though before you colapse! Icecream is good. Pass the Ben and Jerrys

Good luck

xx