I just needed to get this out...

meggowiggle · 01-22-2009, 09:36 PM

When we want something too much, everything else falls away, and this is not GOOD. When we get so wrapped up in what WE want and what WE don't have, we lose sight of all else.

As I read threads on this community, I can identify with a lot of the emotions connected with working through PCOS. Anxiety, pessimism, frustration.

I also see how wallowing in our infertility tends to foster envy, self-pity, strife with others, and self-centeredness. We do not feel happy for a friend or family's pregnancy, we cringe when others share the joy of their new life, and we justify this because we are being "withheld", "punished", or "injustly" treated by fate, God, what have you. We get tunnel vision because we are so preoccupied with one thing...we box ourselves in, close ourselves off to anything else, limiting the impact of our lives on others, as well as our personal expansion and development.

Where is our love for others? Where is our joy? PCOS is a challenge, yes, but it is not an excuse; it is not a free pass. I am writing this to challenge all of us to truly, and carefully examine how we live out our PCOS, and see if our lives reflect love... or something else. Does our desire for a child block out all else? Do we display empathy and love for those who receive what we have not? Do we allow ourselves to celebrate their joy, and forget about our pain? Do we embrace peace, kindness, patience, and joy?

DiamondInTheRough · 01-23-2009, 03:16 PM

That's nicely said.

It's hard to gain perspective when you are faced with infertility and the fear of never becomming a mother. It's hard not to become engulfed by it when you are seeing a doctor several times a month to do blood tests, u/s, temping, bding on time, etc., etc.

There are a lot of things I wish I had done in the time I was ttc, but was so focussed on having a child, that it became my only focus in life. I can see that now that my ttc years are behind me, but I don't know that a post like your's would have made a difference to me back then. Social pressures, family pressures - they are hard things to escape. I know whenever I received news of a friend or family member becomming pregnant, it wasn't jealousy, but dreading that friends/family would bring up the topic again and ask when it was our turn. It just made the hurt and fear so fresh again.

I agree with everything you said though, and I like to think I would have taken something from it if I had read it while ttc.

Sister GBO · 01-23-2009, 04:23 PM

My father recently commented to me that I needed to stop obsessing over my illnesses (PCOS being the main one) & being so withdrawn. I saw myself as what Diamondintherough described... I'm chasing down dr's for diff. treatments trying to get certain tests & things done & sometimes 1-2 dr appts/wk. On top of that I have 2 stay informed on my options and have my yrs of records & medical history down pat in my mind b/c of my multiple problems all in my pelvic area. And I'm not even TTC, but trying to get the best treatment for me.

I have to jump at avail. dr. appts 2 not wait 5 or 6 months...& be on top of my info. b/c a lot of drs don't just lean back like a therapist & say talk...they are rushed & sometimes u have be aggressive w/ them...

I trust God but I feel like I have to do my part as well. I don't know how to stay on top of this & PUSH fwd (b/c alot of dr's r not doing wat's best 4 u) while not allowing it to CONSUME ME. Honestly it has.

I have allowed PCOS to CONSUME MY LIFE b/c I feel like I am not the person I was/should be b/c of the pelvic pain, symptoms & sometims chronic tiredness I have from hormones being off whack. I never not celebrate other's triumphs or mistreat ppl based on this but I hurt my ownself. Emotionally, this is killing me. I don't know what to do but I'm just trying to do the best I can & hope in the end it works out.

eizzil · 01-25-2009, 09:09 AM

i totally agree with what you are saying and like you i can see it happening to me, i should be glad of other peoples successes and not think of them as my downfalls, if i successfully concieve i do but if i dont then that should be ok, it wont stop me from trying every fertility treament i can, but hopefully i wont take out my failures on other people, and hopefully the members of my family can still feel they can come to me if they need me and that i havent pushed them away,

Good luck to you all and my peace be with you

lizzie xxx

Kactonrn · 01-28-2009, 04:51 PM

Oh this has really touched me in so many different ways! I have been trying to break free of being consumed with ttc. I am praying that it happens soon because it has been my whole focus

Thank you for the posts.

Ashleystar · 01-28-2009, 07:42 PM

I used to allow PCOS to rule me in some ways. Well, not "allow" but it just made me go through so many painful things (physically and emotionally) I just didn't have any hope. However, I have never resented other women's fertility. On the contrary, I am ecstatic for every new life I am greeted with by happy friends. I think the main thing I got obsessive about (and occasionally still have my off days) is my figure. I went from a tiny UK size 8, beautiful skin, hair and full of confidence, to a fat, spotty, ill mess.

I wanted to look like anybody but ME! I hated myself. I had to learn to forgive myself for having this illness. It helps to have faith. Also, having reflexology and homeopathy really helped me to relax and forgive and let go.

Now I'm not perfect but on the whole I am far better than when I decided to give up on myself.

Yes I want children, yes I want to lose some more weight, yes I have spots....but there are far worse problems to have. I read on another post on here that a way of looking at it is to think "well, my worst days could be a breeze to some people". I am so thankful for the wonderful things and people (especially) that I have in my life. I realise now that I may have some problems, but I also have love and support. I can get through the struggles. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!" as my grandmother always says!

I am not for a moment suggesting that fertility problems, pain and image concerns are not important because I realise they certainly are. However, I believe that I have felt much better through not allowing myself to be consumed by these worries constantly. Yes, when I have rough times, back and forth for tests etc, I get stressed and a bit obsessive if it is really bad. But I have found that prayer, faith and also helping other people with things really lift my mood.

We are all special, individual and gifted. We may have PCOS, and other problems such as Endometriosis, diabetes....but they don't define us.

I used to be scared to leave the house when I was at my most ill. I was convinced that people would laugh, stare, ask me why I was so fat etc. I wanted to scream "I HAVE PCOS, DON'T JUDGE ME!!" It was really sad. But I'm past that now.

I never want to feel hateful or bitter again, towards myself or others. xx

melinda31 · 01-28-2009, 11:49 PM

Sometimes, its just so hard when your trying to concieve. Giving birth is such a huge part of womanhood, it just gets depressing when your realize how much pcos can take from you. i think another problem is our condition is still not taken seriously. when i try to explain pcos, 30 seconds in the person has lost interest. sometimes i feel the need to explain the skin, the weight an the little hairs sprouting all over, crazy isnt it...but i do. anyway...this past week i have learned that the only person who can get me through this is GOD....i pray, read the bible and ask him to guide me. Thats all i can do. i have to heal my mind, if i ever want to heal my body.......

smcwhorter901 · 01-29-2009, 02:06 PM

Very well said! I know I have said this to you before, but I really admire your attitude and the way you handle PCOS... You are right - we should not allow this struggle to block the joys of life! I can't say that it is easy, but it is definitey a challenge worth accepting... I believe that once we chose to leave the pain of PCOS behind and consider all the joys of life, that is really when our miracles will show, our prayers will be answered, and our lives will be changed... Wonderful challenge! Thank you for sharing your heart!

a_beautiful_disaster · 01-30-2009, 11:39 PM

I couldn't have put it better myself. PCOS has left so many women bitter and jaded. They can't see the beauty and value in their own lives for the grief and frustration from all of the symptoms and consequences of our disease. It's important to trust God, to know that if He brings us to it, He'll bring us through it. We have to do our part, but remember that He's ultimately in control.

creamyturtle · 02-16-2009, 05:03 AM

Keep your chin up!

the.rainne · 03-02-2009, 05:43 PM

It is a slippery slope to self pity when things aren't going our way. I remember sitting in the bathtub numb with tears running down my face staring at the BFN sitting on the counter.....How unfair! Why me?? It is easy to be angry because no one wakes up one morning and wishes they had PCOS.

However, I did wake up one morning and say I wanted to be healthy and enjoy life instead of feeling punished by it. I got healthy, let go of all the pounds I had been carrying for security and decided I no longer wished my issues away.....I wished for the good things and focused on what I did have.

I had an unexpected miscarriage one summer even though I was on BCP. I thought it was just a bad period. I found out later that it was indeed a miscarriage. I was so thankful at the time I didn't know because I would have been devastated. Then I stepped back and realized my first thought wasn't of grief or anger over losing a pregnancy.....I had changed my thought patterns enough to think of the good things first. I was so proud of how far I had come. Personal faith and positive energy are what keeps me going!

tcrock02 · 03-18-2009, 02:30 PM

the comments on here are great and i so appreciate a place where we can come and express how we REALLY feel. I am blessed beyond measure already. and if God chooses to give me a child then that will be an additional blessing. but if he chooses not to do so i will not be angry or feel rejected. he works all things for my good even when i cant seem to see what is coming next he does. we all have bad days when we wonder why God has to put this problem on our shoulders but if he did not think we could handle it he would not give us the opportunity to go thru it. so i am going to think of my PCOS as a gift in a way. A gift that makes me rely on God for the answers even when the answer is not now or wait......

TyannaSR7 · 04-20-2009, 01:16 AM

I too at one time was guilty of the above. When I realized that I didn't like who I was becoming I decided to take some time off from TTC. It made a world of difference. We can't let PCOS consume our lives. Be encouraged and know that His timing is perfect!

bgl322annie · 05-25-2009, 10:30 PM

This has going ion for years me and husband ttc, I guess it was getting frustating I was always going ti the dr, to see waht the problem with us we have been married for serveral years, well 10years ago my husband has an affair and had two children with another woman, well I was so upset i did't know what do , I was'nt talking ti no one friends family at all
now, me and husband are still have problems, I told my self to forgive and let it go, well i don;t kn ow if these are my feeling or not, the little boy is 10 yrs old he is so sweet, but he little girl is horrible like her mother, at time i getr very upset to why am i doing this taking care of these children by another woman, and we have not had none ourselves please tell me what is wrong with this picture, and i still pray for one day i will have my own, sbut it still hurts at times thinking about what he has done to put oiur marriage threw this pain,

TheNewMrs. · 05-26-2009, 01:54 AM

Random thought thrown in... I'm not promiscuous so don't get me wrong but I have had more than one sex partner. I just think back to the "ooopses" I've had and I definitely question if I DIDN'T have PCOS would those "ooopses" have resulted in a baby when I wasn't ready or with the right person? Very well could have.

I'm just so thankful that I have had a great life so far. I was able to complete my BS in 4 years right out of high school, then go on to my MS (2 classes to go). I have a wonderful job which I love going to every day and the most wonderful husband in the world who I just married this past January. He has an amazing job as well. We have bought our first home a couple years ago and we have a super cute little dog!

When I was younger I had everything planned out. I always wanted to have a family young. I wanted to finish college at age 22 (did that), but I wanted to marry by 23 and have my first baby by 24.

Now sitting here where I am, at 25, married just 4 months ago, I wouldn't have it any other way. We too have been TTC since Oct, so it's been about 7 months with no success, but I've known since I was in my mid teens somehow that TTC would be hard for me, so I feel like we've been trying much longer.

Again, I go back to my first statement - basically everything happens for a reason. Who knows what would have happened if I wouldn't have had PCOS or I would have become pregnant earlier? That could have been a mess! I would have loved having a baby, but perhaps God was just making me wait for better things (my DH especially) before blessing me with a child.

Our time will come. It's just so important to enjoy the here and now because what if you wake up tomorrow and things that you DO have, yet maybe aren't appreciating as much right now, are gone? I know it's hard to look at things this way when PCOS causes such a struggle (I DEFINITELY know that), but we have to do our best to live a happy life - it's the only one we have.