but I got my first kiss from Billy tonight. I have been sitting on now for the last hour and a half. I know it doesn't sound like much but my little boy doesn't have any trust in women. Every woman in his young life has left him in one way or another. We have had serious discussions dealing with the I don't believe you love me, care for me or want me to stay feelings. We have been giving him alot of time and space.
Last night I told him in the middle of Wal-mart that I was buying him clothes because he needed them not because we were getting ready to kick him out. (This has happened at the last two homes he has lived in). He said to me "that's what everyone else said too" and using my standard reply I said to him, "we aren't like everyone else." And he said Yeah none of the other people kissed me like you do. And then tonight when I hugged him goodnight and gave him a big old kiss he gave me one too.
He has come such a long way and still has quite a ways to go. We have been a family of three now for 4 weeks tomorrow. Amazing, the wait for him to get here seemed like a life time and now it is flying by.
Oh it hasn't been easy by any stretch because of his trust issues but I think we are finally getting there. We made a pack before he came to live with us that we would have to be honest with him about everything and we have done that---except Santa Claus. He still believes and that is about the only thing he has 100% faith in. We are working really, really hard to make this year very special for him. I pray we don't go too far overboard but I can tell you we are going overboard. LOL!!!
How do you not go overboard? Now mind you he isn't getting anything fancy or expensive we can't afford that. We aren't trying to buy him by any means, but he was made to sell every toy he owed two houses ago and came to us with nothing to play with. He has really not asked for much, we have had to guess and pry alot. I guess I am not sure when too much is too much. We have told him that we will get him presents, along with the Grandma's and Grandpa's, but Santa will bring most of what he gets. Is it bad of us to keep letting him believe? I don't remember when I figured out the Santa deal.
It is all so hard? Ugh, sorry I didn't mean to go on and on. I just worry he will think we are trying to buy him and I don't want him to think that.
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
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No you don't sound corny and no you don't sound like you are buying him. He has been there just 4 weeks and you have gotten a kiss!! Now I think that is a VERY big deal Also the sweetest thing in the world to hear. Isn't that just the greatest feeling in the world to get that first "true" kiss from a child. Awwwwwwh. I'm so happy for you. Each time I read something you've posted I can tell that things are getting better and you are getting closer. Yes it will take time, it takes time on both parts but he's seeing each and everyday what kind of special person you are. I just told some girls last night that was here "Family is the ones that love you no matter what"....And he will soon know and not doubt that one bit.
Big hugs to you ((Hugs)) Your so sweet. Don't think your corny or buying him out. You only want the best for him. ((hugs and kisses))
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That is absolutely teriffic! I agree with lisa with each post... its obvious that the family bond is really there! I am so happy everything is working out so wonderfully
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What a emotional post....and I know what you are going through as we are going through the same thing with our daughter. The trust issues and the "I am testing you to see if you really mean what you say"phase.
Last year our daughter was moved to yet another home two days before Christmas (we didn't have contact then)...Two days..a child two days before Christmas should have her stocking hung, on Christmas Day she spent the better part of the day crying on the couch as she was all alone in a strange place and didn't know anyone. I am going overboard this year and I damn well know it..I don't care...LOL
Congratulations with this breakthrough, I tell you when I have moments like this with my daughter it's sooo intense for me. I couldn't love her anymore then I would if they had taken her from my womb...it just feels right.
Love,
April
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That is so wonderful! You definitely don't sound like you're buying him. You're fulfilling something that every child needs--to feel loved and appreciated and wanted.
You're doing great momma!! YAY!!
PS--Every year I say I won't go overboard and no matter how hard I try I still do!!
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You are the greatest group of women I have ever meant and that is no lie. You all made me feel so better about it all. I didn't talk to my DH until this morning and we read over all of your replies.
So far this week has been our best but we still have a couple of days left of school. He has his first visit with the pediatrician tomorrow. And we are going to finally discuss the ADHD meds. We are very excited.
Hugs to you all, your words help so much. I just may survive. LOL.
santa's baby--you have got it so right. When I read your post it was exactly what is going on here. And I guess overboard isn't so bad when they have had it so bad. The intensity of these moments I totally agree with, sometimes I love him so much it hurts, but a great hurt.
Lisa---thanks so much and it was totally awesome that we are finally clicking. I was really concerned and that "first" real kiss I will always remember.
Bertiebugg and dna--thanks girls I am routing for you both too.
Lisa67--- Thanks, I am still not use to being called momma, etc. Billy isn't to the point yet where he feels comfortable calling us Mom and Dad but I do see it happening more now than before. He did tell us that for him Mom means My other Mom. And my DH he refers to sometimes as MOD-my other Dad. So who knows.
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
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Stacy, I can tell you, that it is not corny. I as the adoptive mother of 2 older girls who are 8 and 7. It is the most wonderful thing in the world when they decide they really do trust you. I have had my older daughter since Nov and my youngest 3 weeks on Friday. We have struggles, but they are the most wonderful things in my life... I hope y'alls life is as enjoyable as ours is
How sweet is it that you are so excited! Sounds like you are doing such a wonderful job with gaining his trust. With somebody he can count on like you guys he can and will learn to trust people again! I was just thinking that maybe talking about future plans with him might be another way of saying to him, "hey we're planning on being around for a long time!" I don't know how old he is, but if it's age appropriate there's a great children's book called "Love You Forever" by Robert N. Munsch, & Sheila McGraw that would be perfect for him and you. Just be prepared to cry. It's a very touching story.
Congratulations to you!!! I wish you all the best!
Warmly,
Julia
__________________ "To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children...to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...THIS IS TO HAVE SUCCEEDED" Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Cassandra--Thanks, how did you decide to bring another child into your house and how do you know when is a good time. Billy talks about wanting a brother who is younger but if I start looking at kids on websites he gets very nervous. We are thinking that once the adoption is finalized we will start seriously looking again.
Jewels--Thanks for the book suggestion. I am going to look for it. It is ten years old but I think anything that will help him understand adoption and what it means will help. We do talk a little about future but he gets a little antsy. He keeps saying that the Grandparents and Uncles and Aunt aren't really his yet. We try to make sure he spends alot of time with them all so it will become a natural thing. He did call me Mother several times yesterday and He has called DH Dad a couple of times but not with consistency. He told DH that he was his son earlier today too. I think he is working it all out in his head and sometimes voices it to get our reaction. We really don't say anything, hope this is the right thing to do for now.
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
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Wow. How absolutely WONDERFUL!!! I was going to say how very lucky your son is...but I'm sure that you feel the way I do about my daughter...and the truth is that you're the lucky one.
Hugs,
Therese
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I know this is going to sound corny... 
now for the last hour and a half. I know it doesn't sound like much but my little boy doesn't have any trust in women. Every woman in his young life has left him in one way or another. We have had serious discussions dealing with the I don't believe you love me, care for me or want me to stay feelings. We have been giving him alot of time and space. 
Also the sweetest thing in the world to hear. Isn't that just the greatest feeling in the world to get that first "true" kiss from a child. Awwwwwwh. I'm so happy for you. Each time I read something you've posted I can tell that things are getting better and you are getting closer. Yes it will take time, it takes time on both parts but he's seeing each and everyday what kind of special person you are. I just told some girls last night that was here "Family is the ones that love you no matter what"....And he will soon know and not doubt that one bit. 
What a giant step !
