I'm posting this anyway. My therapist said to let people know when something upsets me, so I guess this is practice for that .
Sometimes I feel like this has turned into the TTC board. It's not that I'm not happy for those of you moving on. It's just that I'm NOT TTC, and I don't know if I ever will get pregnant again (I'd need a decent guy in order to do that, and Rivi was an unexpected miracle). Sometimes it hurts to read about other women's TTC dramas and 2WWs and BFNs. It makes me feel like I don't quite fit in here, either. There's one long thread in particular here that I unsubscribed from because the entire thread turned to trying again.
It's not that I'm not happy for those of you who are moving on. I really hope you all go on to hold living babies very soon. But I've been listening to my biological clock ticking lately, and I think that reading about you all makes me realize all over again that it might never happen.
I know there's a special thread over on the TTC board for TTC after a loss. I DON'T want to kick anyone off of this board. But may I suggest a specific thread here, which the rest of us will stay away from unless/until we're ready?
I know I'm being hypersensitive. Maybe I should've moved on by now - I don't know. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone - that certainly wasn't my intention (I love you ALL!).
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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Hang in there Viv! It can be painful to hear about people ttcing again when you don't know when or if that might happen for you. I know your pain - m'c-ing as we speak and the last thing I want to talk about is THAT but yet somehow, people always seem to move in that direction. Here, there, everywhere . . . even my own mother, when I finally told her about this mc, moved pretty quickly to talking about future efforts on my part. I was like "Mom, I just really can't talk about this right now, I'm sorrry." it's the flipside of what we've been through or are going through and it's a beautiful thing about people that they want to stay positive, but at the same time, sometimes it doesn't help. Best I can offer you is to do as you did - unsubscribe when things turn in that direction. Meanwhile, I see you are in therapy. I hope that is helping. You know, in addition to the grief of this loss (and the end of your relationship), depression can also be a part of PCOS (I know it is for me, or I wouldn't bring this up to you!) - have you considered getting treated for depression in addition to therapy? It can help, if it's necessary. I'm thinking about it myself to get through this.
__________________ Belle
me-32, DH-340
SS - 16, SD - 14 (OSS, died at age 19 in 2001)
dx'd March 2003
pg June '03 (naturally)
m/c (d&c) Sept '03
clomid 1st cycle 50 mg
quit fertility rx
pg March '05
u/s 4/26/05 showed no fetal heartbeat
d&c May 13 2005
pos pg test July 4 2006 (6 wks)
fingers crossed!
I agree with your therapist. Let everyone in your life know when things bother you, and sometimes you can get great results. I had no idea what was up or how you felt about it, so I can be more sensitive to that now. Of course you can always communicate directly with me by pm or email if you want to express something anonymously.
You belong here, Viv.
Hugs from your friend,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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I recently lost my twins due to IC and I completely understand what you are talking about. I read this board to get help on what is happening to me since delivering, both physically and mentally. In fact, when I log on to SC, I have to quickly scroll down to the loss board so I won't have to even see the TTC board! It hurts too much to even think about it right now.
I've looked at other groups; grieving, multiples, etc. and this is my favorite. If it's about eventually moving on, then I guess we will have to wait to get to that place (though, right now that seems impossible-I miss my babies too much). But when I do get to that place, I will post on the TTC board especially since I unfortunately have had to be on this one (a place I wish I had never had to be) and am sensitive towards the women who had to go through a loss like us.
I hate to sound stupid but I have no idea what TTC, 2WWs and BFNs are. I would like to follow along, but I dont know what these acronyms mean. Ive caught on to most of them on here but those three I cannot figure out.
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I'm so sorry Viv
You're not being too sensitive.
I think starting a TTC and such thread is good, or at least having ppl keep that talk out of other threads so you don't have to see it.
Bah. I know me being around must be hard too, I'm sorry But my hubby, soon to be ex hubby, was just a sperm donor it seems. I guess sometimes I feel out of the pregnancy thread because I'm not all happy and giddy about being pg, I'm worried sh*tless about being pg and still cry over Daniel all the time.
Sometimes I think it's hard to feel like you totally belong somewhere. Just know that you do, and you know I'm always here email me! rant away!
BTW, need any help with divorce? I'm about to start that, so I'll be full of that info soon
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Daniel Benjamin born/died October 4, 2004. Ari Lev born/died May 21, 2005.
Hey Viv, I'm glad you are letting us know that this is bothering you. I'm sorry if I contributed to it at all. I'm not sure what thread you are talking about, but if it was me, I'm truly sorry. From now on, I won't discuss TTC here (or at least not in a thread that's not about TTC). I really don't want to make it worse for anyone, especially not you Viv.
My most sincere apologies Viv. Someone on this board mentioned me TTC, after reading my post on another board. She posted here, and I responded to her post here. We really should have kept that on the other board or in a PM. I now realize how insensitive that was and I'm truly sorry. It should never have been mentioned in this forum.
I can't speak for anyone else but, I won't do it again!
Still your Cyster,
Gina
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
Check my album for current pictures
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
Hey Viv and anyone who is feeling this pain...i just want to say i'm so greatful for this board because its a place you can say what you feel...and know people will understand. This is just an idea but like since i completely related to what you said...been there done that so to speak...this was something i wished i had when i was grieving my loss yet thinking of ttc.
Youre in limbo, like ReneeBeth said, you dont know where you belong...still grieving yet sort of contemplating new ideas. Not ready to move to the ttc brd but not wanting to be insensitive either...so what do you do??
What if there was a stickie on this board about where cysters who have moved into that 'transition' mode between losing their baby and yet thinking of ttc?? You could post freely about your concerns and anxieties (not necessarrily stratagies cuz thats what the ttc board is for...i'm just talking the emotional stuff) without subjecting those who arent ready to contemplate it yet...to undue pain??
And it gives a heads up to cysters to completely avoid it all together until if and when they are ready?? Cuz i've noticed, circumstances are different and everybodys story is different...but the emotions are the same...and when that time comes THEN maybe a thread like that could come in handy.
I dunno...also, maybe in the subject line when replying to a post, one could type 'ttc mentioned' or preg mentioned'...i always found that helpful cuz if i was particularly fragile that day i would be pre-warned and able to avoid the post all together, at least for that time...and not get 'slammed' by emotion.
Just an idea...[[[hugs]]] to all!!
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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TTC#4 w/Injectibles-IVF conversion/CERCLAGE/6.2mo bedrest/emerg c-sec at 38wks
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Viv, thanks for being so open about your feelings. I'm sorry if anything I said on this board has hurt, and please be assured it was not intentional. I have been turning off my siggie when posting here, but it's still showing up on posts that I made before last Friday.
Thanks, everyone, for being so understanding. An occasional mention of TTC or pregnancy doesn't bother me too much. It's the conversations that build off of it that get to me.
I KNOW I'm over-reacting, but... 
.
I had no idea what was up or how you felt about it, so I can be more sensitive to that now. Of course you can always communicate directly with me by pm or email if you want to express something anonymously. 
