I'm Having A Hard Time Being Around Pregnant Women!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 10-31-2005, 11:36 AM

Hi,
I lost my third baby just 2 weeks ago. This was my 3rd in 16 months. It seems as if everyone else is pregnant and successful at it except me. I went back to work because medically there was no reason for me to stay at home. But, my boss is about 30 weeks pregnant. Just before my m/c she was about to go on maternity leave so, I thought that when I went back she would be gone. She's not! She has decided to stick it out until her due date. I kills me to see her, and to think she didn't even want to be pregnant! Everywhere I go, everywhere I look there are pregnant women. I should be 13 wks now, I should have had my cerclage now. I should be off work now at home getting ready for my baby. Instead, I'm stopping all those emails telling me how many weeks I am. I'm packing away the pregnancy books, because I can't stand to look at them. I'm getting stuff in the mail from BabiesRUs (from my first baby). On Sat. 2 wks after losing my baby, I got samples of Beechnut Rice Cereal and a free baby bowl. Why me? It's so hard to see my boss everyday, and to make it worse, she won't wear maternity clothes. She wears everything tight. She shows off that belly every chance she gets. I just want to gag. I have to listen to her whine all day about her pregnancy aches and pains. We work in very close quarters so, there's really no getting away from her. When she sees that I'm not having a good day she tries her best to console me but, coming from her it's more like a slap in the face. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this for the next 6-7 weeks. I can't spend my whole work day crying, or pretending I'm OK, I'm not OK. My other co-workers don't even talk about my losses. They just all pretend like nothing has happened. If I bring it up they just say all the wrong things, it just gets worse. This is so hard.

Mustard Seed · 10-31-2005, 12:25 PM

Gina - I'm so sorry about the work environment you had to go back to. It would be really hard for me to have a very pg boss right now too. It's probably a good idea not to talk to your co-workers about your loss if they don't say the right things. But then it's hard to need to talk about it sometimes and feel like everyone has forgotten or is just choosing to ignore it. I can't do anything to help your situation at work, even though I really wish I could. Just know that I'm here for you and always listening. (((hugs)))

hopeful408 · 10-31-2005, 12:27 PM

HUGS! no one can blame you for not wanting to be around pregnant women, it's just a reminder of our losses. i bet if you could stop working, you would, to avoid looking at your boss. words cannot offer enough consolaces for your angels in heaven, i admire your strength to continue your life and job even after these tragic events. keep your head up sweety and look towards a brighter future always!

SheriKCMO · 10-31-2005, 12:34 PM

Gina,
A lot of us have been there, and I hope that someday, like me, times like this will fade out of memory. Some situations are awful, awful enough to make a big change or awful enough to do SOMETHING different about... though I can't picture what you would do right now other than stick it out or quit.

I'm sorry about this. There are times when you have to protect yourself, regardless of finances or other people's feelings or whatever, so you might want to talk to DH about options.
((Hugs))

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 10-31-2005, 12:59 PM

Thank you all for responding, I'm having a really hard day today. I feel like I'll never stop crying. For some reason I keep replaying the moment the Dr. told me there was no heartbeat. It's like I'm reacting now, because I couldn't that day, I was so numb.
As far as work, I've cut back to about 20 hours a week for now. So all this week I'll be going in in the afternoons for about 4-5 hours. My boss will be leaving at around 2:00 most days. But, one day a week I will have to work face to face with her. I'm thinking of taking a week of vacation next week but after that, things will have to be back in full swing.

shandris · 10-31-2005, 01:08 PM

Gina,

I don't know where to begin. You have been such a big help and inspiration to so many of us on this board, it pains me to hear about your pain. I understand all that you are saying. The co-workers not saying anything, or the wrong thing, the boss...I can relate to it all. I will say that if you have at least one person at work that you feel comfortable talking to, and who will listen to you without offering empty advice, seek that person out when you can. Let them know how you are feeling...that person may actually become a defense barrier for you keeping the insensitive people away for a while.

I think we all realize now that unless you have experienced a loss yourself, you never really understand or know what to say. Do you think that your doctor could write a note or something that will give you a little more time off...I ask because my supervisor put me on intermittent Family Medical Leave after my doc wrote a note for me and my social worker helped out. That way I will still get paid for the hours missed and not have the absenses count against me. Do you think that is something you could look into?

I know how it feels sweetie. It almost seems like everyone expects you to be OK and back to normal. Like I said before, if they have not suffered a loss they have no idea how painful day to day living can be, or for how long that pain lasts or the triggers. I wish I could stop the pain, but since I can't please, please don't forget that we care even when other's don't seem to. I pray today gets better for you.

GabrielsMom · 10-31-2005, 01:21 PM

Wow, that's a really difficult situation to be in

I'm so sorry that you have to be around a pregnant woman every day. I know that I would have a really hard time dealing with that. Yesterday at church, there were so many little babies and it really was difficult. It's totally normal to feel this way. I hope that these next two months really fly by for you, and that your boss will be out before you know it.

Hugs,
Adrianne

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 10-31-2005, 01:31 PM

I'm also hoping that by the time she gets back from maternity leave I'm pg. I know if I'm not it will be pure torture. I thought I would die just hearing about her baby shower It was the Saturday (10/22) before I came back to work. Everybody from work was there, they are still talking about it. It's so strange, my boss is the ONLY one who even tries to offer any comfort and she is the one I have the most trouble being around. It's so cruel.

Dolfinluvr · 10-31-2005, 01:48 PM

Iunderstand completely. My husbands friend and i had the same due date and i cant stand to look at their daughter. I keep thinnking that my child should be doing those things too and it is very hard. I also cant stand to see my pregnanat friends or family.Not many people seem to get it. I am sorry for your loss. Lisa

jnmanderson · 10-31-2005, 02:40 PM

Gina –

I just wanted to send your way!! I know that these days you are going through some many emotions and many times you just want to sit and cry – I know because I am right there with you! I keep thinking that I should be 14 weeks now (been 4 weeks since my D&C) and into the 2nd trimester.

I get what you are saying about going back to work so soon; I sometimes wish that my dr could have put me out on a stress medical or something so that I could avoid the whole going to work thing as well. I feel like I need more time to grieve and the people around me just don’t understand – they just tell you how it was for the best, it could be worse, there will be another etc (you know all the typically things that people think is the right thing to say). There is a woman at work that is 36 weeks pregnant who sits right across from me and then a guy (who’s wife is pregnant) due just weeks before what my due date would have been. I sit every day listening to them go on and on about babies, babies, babies and just want to scream out – for goodness sake give me a break!

You have been a wonderful support and your giving on this board does not go on noticed – I’m here to offer you a shoulder to lean and cry all the times you need sweetie!!!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 10-31-2005, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jnmanderson

Gina –

You have been a wonderful support and your giving on this board does not go on noticed – I’m here to offer you a shoulder to lean and cry all the times you need sweetie!!!

Thank you so much!!!

Gina

VivC · 10-31-2005, 03:09 PM

((Gina)). I have no words of wisdom. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.

Viv

enits · 10-31-2005, 03:17 PM

(((hugs)))

I know how you feel. And I'm sort of in the same situation. I really don't mind seeing pregnant women, but when my pregnant friend calls me and complains to me about her aches and pains, it really, really hurts because it reminds of what I've lost. As much as I understand what she's going through, she'll never understand what I'm going through. *sigh*

What we're all going through right now is so hard. Cry if you need to cry. Hey, you have feelings, too! You have a great support system here on SC. Plus, don't forget, you've offered so much hope and inspiration on this board so lean on us whenever you feel the need. I'm really sorry again about your loss. (((hugs)))

kwannabee · 10-31-2005, 08:26 PM

Gina...give yourself a break...like you said the numbness has worn off...this IS the hard part...and these hard days are REALLY hard

And as for not having any medical reason to stay off work...i respectfully disagree with you.

I think when you have a broken heart and a broken spirit...you need extra time to heal...i'm thinking maybe you went back to early...but then again i was a completel mess after having aimee and dana and didnt leave my house for over a month and off an additional 5mo before i could go back to work...friends and family and coworkers didnt get it...thought i should distract myself, get back to life. Well i couldnt.

Didnt want to. Didnt care...maybe youre just stronger then i was and dont give yourself enough credit.

i just feel so bad for you right now...sending you many hugs...take care.

Reebekah · 10-31-2005, 11:15 PM

i've been there and know how you feel. its such a tough situation. its SO unfair. i hope everything works out so that you dont have to see her much.

hugs
becky