I'm not feeling too great :( :(

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 05:04 AM

It seems that no matter how often I try... I can' t be happy. I can't lose weight, I can't conceive a child, I can't be a normal woman with normal womanly functions... I just feel soooo.... useless I know I am new hear but I need to hear from some of you how you deal with the stresses of this disorder... I have been on so many depression medications and different things to help, but nothing does, then again I haven't really been to the doctor in a while to get new meds, but I still feel useless. Can anyone understand me? Why am I so sad all the time?

nicole47 · 12-31-2005, 05:16 AM

*hugs*
It's really hard to deal with this syndrome, especially when trying to conceive. I find that I do the best when I have a plan in hand-- I feel like I'm working towards getting what I want even if I can't have it now. You WILL be able to conceive a child, but you might need medical help to do it, and it may take longer than a woman without PCOS.

For me I've been making plans each step of the way. Go off bcp, chart, keep track of cervical mucus, ttc naturally. Then my periods stopped... So next step was to go see a doctor. Then I got diagnosed with PCOS. The next plan was to do a whole bunch of tests so I could start clomid, while cutting out sugar and "white" carbohydrates to lose weight. But then we failed some of the tests, so the next plan was to see an RE and decide whether to do clomid, metformin, an IUI + sperm washing, or go directly to IVF (and we're saving up in case we have to do IVF when we move to Texas where it isn't covered by insurance). There are lots of choices and lots of ways to improve ourselves (diet and exercise!) even while waiting.

Whenever I get the next bit of bad news, I get depressed, then I post here, and people tell me how they had that same problem and still had babies and here's what they did, so I get ideas for new plans and then I feel better.

So go see a doctor! If you need anti-depressants, there are always new ones out there to try. Therapy is great too. Plus there are also lots of things that medical science can do for pretty much every aspect of infertility.

I think your signature says it best, live life to the fullest and never give up hope, and never quit.

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 05:48 AM

Thanks for your kind words! Sometimes I feel like I am fighting the world. It seems like nothing goes right and I have the worse luck. I am waiting to get insurance from this new job to go to the doctor, but at the same time, I am afraid of being on all this medication, it just doesn't seem natural, but then again, this disorder isnt too "natural" either...

nicole47 · 12-31-2005, 05:54 AM

What medications are you on?

I figure with medicines, if something in our bodies is out of kilter (hormones or whatever), and a medication stabilizes it, then that's a good thing.

Tharaa · 12-31-2005, 06:00 AM

Nicole,I understand how you feel,and I have struggled with the same feelings,however,I have learned to accept my condition.People go through stages of greif when they r dealing with an issue,similiar to the stages of greif during the loss of an loved one.The bottom line is,You are here for a reason,everyone has problems,and challenges to face in this life,if it wouldnt be PCOS or sickness,it would be something else.Think of the things you love about this life,think about what makes you smile and do it often,journaling out your frustrations or having a friend to vent with helps also.I dont know your religious orientation but prayer is a major major help,in relieving depression,and hoplessness.I feel your pain and understand you,dont loose your strength to fight,better days are ahead,just hold on one more day!

YOU ARE A NORMAL WOMAN AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL,how do I know?I dont know you?never met you, EVERY WOMAN IS BEAUTIFUL! And so are you!!!

The lyrics to wilson-phillips song

Hold ON....
know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

[Chorus:]
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

[Chorus]

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 06:20 AM

Thank you! I am starting to feel better, it just seems that when it rains, it pours, and right now, my bad luck and crappy situation is pouring... seems like the rain will never go away

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 06:21 AM

I am not on meds right now, I can't afford them until I get insurance, I just started a new job so benefits don't kick in for another 2 months or so

a-mac · 12-31-2005, 06:26 AM

Met isn't really that expensive, I only pay 12$ a month for 2000mg a day. Its not even worth using my insurance. you might look into it, just make sure they give you met, not glucophage because that is a lot more expensive.

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 06:28 AM

oh really? will that cure my no period? I havent had a period in a while because I'm not on bcp... I'm not really sure what met will do

nicole47 · 12-31-2005, 06:30 AM

Yeah, when it rains, it really does pour! But the sun will definitely shine again.

For short term (until your insurance kicks in)-- have you tried exercise? That often helps some with mood, and it's free. If things get really bad, you can try to find a free or sliding-scale clinic (teaching hospitals and universities often have these).

It might help to think about what your goals are and how you're going to get there from here too. Any ideas?

nicole47 · 12-31-2005, 06:34 AM

If you haven't had a period in more than 3 months, you should get a perscription for Provera or prometrium to jump start a period. I don't think that's too expensive out of pocket either.

Met takes a while to work and you have to ease into it (it causes stomach problems at first), but a lot of women find that after 6 months on met (at 1500ml) that their periods regulate naturally (and they have ovulatory cycles!). I'm hoping to go on it at my doctor's appointment at the end of January. Until then I'm losing weight and controlling my diet to see if that works (so far it isn't... but I'm not yet at the weight I was when I had even semi-regular cycles before). There's lots of options. You might also want to check out the alternative remedies forum-- some women have success with some combination of vitex, soy, and progesterone cream.

starrgazer2002 · 12-31-2005, 06:41 AM

I have never had a regular cycle and I doubt I ever ovulated... So i was only on bcp when i started, i was on levoxil and sinthroid for my thyroid, but that seemed to make it all worse, my thyroid isnt messed up anymore (supposedly) I just havent been on a steady regiment of medications... so I guess I should be asking what options I have...?

nicole47 · 12-31-2005, 06:55 AM

Here's my guess what would happen if you went to see a doctor:
He or she would check your thyroid again (thyroid problems can cause depression and anovulation) and put you on medication again to try to regulate that if there was a problem.
If there was no problem with the thyroid, you would be put on a round of provera (5-10 days) to jump start your period. Then probably a cycle of Clomid (or wait on clomid and start met and wait 6 months, depending on what you and your doctor decide). At this point you might or might not start met, depending on what you and the doctor decide.
If you had a lot of insurance money or a history of miscarriages, you would probably get an hsg (where they shoot dye to see if your tube is blocked and if you have any other problems) before going on clomid and your guy would have a sperm analysis.
You would probably also be encouraged to cut sugar out of your diet and cut down your carbohydrate intake, increase fruits and veggies, and to have a regular exercise plan.
If met didn't work, they would switch you, I think to actos. If clomid didn't work to get you to ovulate, then you would either wait with you on met or they would switch you to injectibles.

Options if you want to try on your own: vitex to get your period started, soy to get you to ovulate, progesterone cream if you have problems after the soy gets you to ovulate (I'm not 100% clear on the alternative remedies, but you can read up on that in the alternative thread).

For the depression...without talking to a doctor, all I know that works somewhat is exercise and talking to people. St. John's Wort (or just chocolate...) works with really minor depression but doesn't do much for major depression. If you're short on funds you can ask a doctor for samples of anti-depressant medication until your insurance kicks in. You can also get free or sliding scale treatment some places.