I'm so close to just giving up....

Purple_monkfish · 10-22-2008, 02:19 PM

I mean... what's the point in fighting against all this crap when in the end, there's nothing I can actually do?
The metformin doesn't work anymore, being on a low gi diet doens't work.. My periods have ceased yet again, it's now 76 days since my miscarrage and still no sign. Maybe they aren't comming back? knowing my body, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

My chin hair has gotten out of hand, what was once one single hair is now 4 or 5 and every few weeks I spot more. It doesn't really help my self image let me tell you. My weight fluctuates wildly, I keep getting outbreaks. My mood has started to swing more drastically than a freaking pendulum. I'm tired and i'm fed up of the whole thing really.
I seem to have inherited just about every crappy gene from my parents. Allergies, bad eyesight, a slightly clubbed foot, a nerve problem that causes excrutiating pain when I touch slightly cold things, pcos, a bicornuate uterus, some sort of imflamation which may or may not be endo, reoccurant chest pains with no known source... it's not fair.. it really isn't fair.
I always tried to believe that I wouldn't let pcos get the better of me, that I wouldn't let it win but recently it's just become too much to bear. My health just keeps getting worse and worse, i'm in pain more often than not and I just... I don't think I can cope with it anymore. I don't want to take the pills, I don't want to restrict my diet.. it doesn't work anyway! The doctors couldn't care less, everytime I go to see them they just tell me to wait and see, go home blah blah blah.

I just... I want to feel like a woman again. I want to be normal. For once, I just want to feel healthy.

siany22 · 10-22-2008, 03:48 PM

im so sorry youre having such a hard time hun (((big hugs)) can you change doctors?
maybe look into getting vaniqa for the extra hair i use it and have seen such an improvement. hope af arrives for you soon too!

vickie83 · 10-22-2008, 05:47 PM

Sorry you're having to go through all that. I've no advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in what you're going through, use the girls here as your support, they really are fab!

Lilly_Vixen · 10-22-2008, 08:28 PM

hi there I recently posted a blog saying pretty much the same as you.... I fee like there is no point trying to be happy because life just takes it away... I am the same in the fact that I have inherited EVERY single bad gene from my parents and my 2 siblings got away scott free.... so please know you are NOT alone in feeling this way and if you want to chat I am here for you xxx

kid · 10-23-2008, 08:59 AM

Hi Purple, I totally know what you're going through, so dont feel bad. I've been so low I cant believe I will ever feel well again. When I'm depressed I can find everything thats wrong in my life and never focus on whats good. I'm okish at the moment, I def notice things going bad when my diet contains too much sugar and processed food.

Anyhow The reason I'm posting is to tell you about the ov drilling I had. Now I know I've talked about this before, but it really worked for me.

I was going out of my mind before I had it done and my periods were 40/60 days and getting worse. After the ov drilling they came regularly 31 days or so. Its not a cure but its worth asking if you have a sympathetic GP.

Clare x

Sarah Louise · 10-23-2008, 09:33 AM

I just wanted to say that your not alone too !! and Im really sorry that your feeling so low at the moment, I really hope that AF shows her head and you begin to feel much better about things.

Purple_monkfish · 10-24-2008, 09:39 AM

Well, today my boobs are sore and I had cramps... so maybe.. just maybe AFs about to show. Either that or condoms failed us heh. I doubt it though, it's likely just hormonal flux. I often get odd hormonal things.

I'm feeling a lot better today, but that's what worries me. It's not normal to get these swings is it? Should I mention it to a doctor perhaps? I can go weeks being fine and then boom, i'll just find myself sobbing and thinking about all the things that have gone wrong which leads to a snowball effect and throws me into a funk for several days, i've had it last as long as a week before now. Nothing triggers it either, it's totally random which is so much more frustrating.

I have to admit, I threw my diet out the window yesterday and pigged out on candy. Heh. It's been SO LONG since I had actual candy, usually I just have a tiny bit of choc or maybe some super sour sweets my partner brings home but I decided sod this, I want sugary food! lol. it was GOOOOOOD.

It's getting to a point with AF that i'm considering going down to London (3 - 4 hour train trip) and going to see my gynocologist. He's about the only doctor who seems to know what's going on with me after all. The rest just shrug and send me home, often with the excuse "oh that's just how pcos is"
It'll cost me a small fortune though, train tickets AND private doctor.. hmmm. If af hasn't shown up by next week i'll go to my normal gp, then if they don't do anything i'll book my tickets.

Eva37 · 10-24-2008, 04:04 PM

aww, sweetie - sorry you are having such a rough time right now

hope your gynae has some help for you
eva

Shelly31 · 10-25-2008, 03:18 PM

Sweetie, just wanted to say so sorry you're having a bad time of it just lately, I know exactly how you feel with the moods going up and down and I feel a lot of what you're going through right now ... sending you big ((((HUGS)))) and if you want someone to talk to then I'm here ... don't give up sweetie, you should never give up - there's always a rainbow behind those grey clouds ...

Love

Shelly xxx

MarianneUnfaithfull · 10-25-2008, 04:52 PM

I'm so sorry things are getting to you at the moment Monkfish. I'm the same. Sick of everything. Sick of PCOS, even though my symptoms are improving with Spiro. I should be overjoyed but I'm emotionally drained. I'm sick of having agoraphobia and no social life. Sick of mental health issues and having M.E. and chronic baterial vaginosis. So I really can relate to feeling like it's just one losing battle after another.

Don't give up! I won't if you don't

Book the tickets to London. Screw the money. It's for your health which is well spent. Glad you enjoyed those sweets but I think you'd probably feel better if you resumed the healthy eating!! Remember that diet/exercise, even medication takes time. In my experience PCOS symptoms fluctuate anyway, and I truly believe stress can make it worse. I'm having regular massages to help with stress. I have someone who comes to the house to do my massages, as I'm never that relaxed when I'm out, but I'd recommend trying your local college for massages or reflexology as they're so, so much cheaper if done by a student who's training.
Chin up darling and good luck. We're all entitled to get furious with our situation from time to time. Who could blame us. But what we go through should just remind us of our strength xxx

treblecleff · 10-26-2008, 07:54 AM

I know how you feel monkfish! Your definately not alone. I have a consultant that I've had for 4 years who doesn't give one hoot about anything I come to him with. Just tells me everything will fail. I've been on Meformin for over 4 years. Doesn't help. Last night I was horrible too and had a rather large helping of chips with dinner. Now, I'm hating myself! I've had the ovarian drilling about a year and a half ago. Only had a period right after that which was to be expected but then nothing since! It's sooo depressing. I'm almost 34 and if I can't ovulate we can't get pregnant!! My facial is so bad I tell my husband I could grow a bigger beard and mustache then him. I'm now getting black hairs on my back!

I'm glad you posted how your feeling. I know you feel like crap but your definately not alone! It's nice to be able to share these things with people who understand.

Purple_monkfish · 10-26-2008, 08:05 AM

Met used to work, least... it regulated my periods to every 35 days. Then Janurary came and bam, af just went away for up to 3 or 4 months at a time!
I know that at some point I did ovulate during those two very long cycles because I fell pregnant and miscarried but it's getting a little bit ridiculous now.

Oh man, the facial hair is BAD. I mean, belly hair can be covered up but the chin... oh gods the chin! It drives me nuts! Laser treatment didn't seem to do anything after 3 sessions so I gave up on that, it was bloody painful anyway. So i'm not sure what to try now aside from just continuing to pluck/shave. Gah.

treblecleff · 10-26-2008, 08:12 AM

Yeah, I've done the laser treatment thing when I lived in the states. Spent hundreds of dollars before anyone told me that having PCOS will not get rid of permenently. Just slowed it down with ongoing treatment. But that was so expensive!!

kentbird · 10-29-2008, 01:25 PM

You know its kinda reassuring to know someone is feeling as bad as i am, i mean i thought it was just me being stupid but now i know other people feel this bad it really helps me feel normal again!
Everything that could possibly go wrong right now in my life has, the only thing im pinning all my hopes on is the ovarian drilling i had done last thursday. It seems the only thing i have that might work.
The hairy chin thing is so bloody horrible, i tried plucking them but they come back with a vengeance!!!! My hair is falling out in tons, why cant the hair on the chin fall out and the hair on the head grow more? i dunno!!!
i have been so depressed i cry every day, more than once! But then i found this forum and things seem a little brighter, i stil cry and home life is getting so stressful i wanna run away but this little site helps.
I guess what im tryin to say is this forum helps, the people on it help, everything on here helps as it makes you feel your not alone and no matter how bad things get some people are having a worse time than you.
BUT you have proved that this works as you have wrote your worries on here, knowing that it means ur not alone and thats a step towards bein happier!!!!

Purple_monkfish · 11-01-2008, 04:18 PM

Well, af arrived! YAY! oh man, it was NASTY. But after 3 days of heavy bleeding i'm ok again... now if this bloody cyst would GO AWAY. I have one threatning to burst.. I can feel it.. it hurts to move... ooooo I hate them soooo much. I want new ovaries damnit.