I feel so empty inside and so sad. I beginning to think that happiness is just a myth, that it can't possible exist because I don't recall ever being truly happy. My family and friends try to point out all the good things that I have done, but no matter what anyone tells me, I feel like a diappointment...and even if they don't think so, I think that way about myself. I'm not the wife I've wanted to be to my husband; nor the daughter I think my parents want; nor the friend my friends need me to be. Because I know that I can't get pregnant on my own, but almost refuse to seek help at TTC (don't know if I could take the heart ache if it failed), I feel like I've cheated my husband out of having a family. I want nothing more than to disappear. I don't know who I am anymore. Lately I've done things that I'm not proud of, but I don't know how to stop myself. I feel lost and out of control. I just wanted everything to be over. I'm so tired of fighting every day. I just don't see the point anymore. Is there any hope?
__________________ Me:Laura 27
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2 furbabies: Cheyenne, Gizmo
DXed in March 2003
PCOS, IR, high blood pressure
Multinodule goiter found July '03
WEll, I sometimes feel the same exact way, but I know that you are more to people than you think you are. You are more to yourself than you think you are. Maybe you could call a grief counselor? Don't be afraid to get help for TTC, it worked for me! Find yourself a good doc who has knowledge in that area and go from there.
Hugs to you, we are here for you.
__________________ Hypothyroid
PCOS
IR/glucose intolerance
Fianlly was able to conceive 2 children!
Hi, I'm sorry you are in such pain. Please, get out a piece of paper and write down all the good things that OTHER people think about you, the big thinks like you have a kind nature and little things like you picked up a papercup and through it away at the park. You can do it, I know you can. Now, check each and every one that is true. No cheating, you have to be honest. You won't be fooling anyone cause you're the only one looking at it. Bet you have a lot of great qualities.
Now, how bout your DH. How is he feeling about the TTC issue? Are you letting him down, or only yourself?
Hard questions, I know. Only you can answer them. Forgive yourself for what you've done, start fresh and go on. Learn to like yourself. Seek outside help if that's needed. Remember, we care
Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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HI Ladies,
I just wanted to say thank you for the replies. I really appreciate them. I did end up seeking professional help...I was hospitalized until yesterday actually. I learned alot while I was there and will hopefully be able to apply it to myself and my life. Thanks again for being there for me!
__________________ Me:Laura 27
BF To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ean 25
2 furbabies: Cheyenne, Gizmo
DXed in March 2003
PCOS, IR, high blood pressure
Multinodule goiter found July '03
I just wanted you to know that your not alone. Many people and alot of cysters feel like that. I am battling the same problem right now. Sometimes I just want to run off and become someone new. Then I realize I will never be anyone other than me. Having PCOS is hard. Not being able to get pg is the hardest part. I have been TTC for 7 yrs. I feel like I am letting my husband down but I have realized that by being depressed about it only makes it worse. Someday I will be a mother, and so will you. Never give up on hope. Sometimes hope is all cysters have. Take care of yourself.
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I'm so tired of feeling this way 
Thank you 
