i'm tired of not living my life
i'm tired of knowing that I've only got one life to live but not being able to live it
i'm tired of being unhappy and depressed every day i wake up and sometimes wishing that i didn't
i'm tired of watching life pass me by
i'm tired of feeling sick
i'm tired of losing all my hair
i'm tired of finding the hair i lost everywhere it shouldn't be like on my clothes, in the shower, on the towels, on my pillow
i'm tired of spending hours trying to hide the bald spots
i'm tired of having to pour the concealer until it's inches thick and not able to leave the house until i'm hiding behind pounds of make up until every last zit, scar and imperfection is well hidden but knowing that it never really is truly hidden
i'm tired of having a beard
i'm tired of not being able to get rid of it
i'm tired of being hairy
i'm tired of feeling like a beast
i'm tired of having hair in the wrong places and losing it in the right places
i'm tired of not knowing what's wrong with me and even more tired that the doctor's don't know either
i'm tired of feeling like a circus side show freak every day of my life
i'm tired of spending every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day thinking about my imperfections and wondering if others can see them
i'm tired of letting my imperfections and my "issues" preoccupy my mind til the point where i feel like i'm losing it
i'm tired of being fat
i'm tired of waking up feeling run down
i'm tired of wondering how all this happened
i'm tired of feeling unfeminine
i'm tired of feeling insane
i'm tired of hating myself
i'm tired of hiding in my house afraid to face the world
i'm tired of being irritable and moody
i'm tired of having "issues"
i'm tired of accidentally hurting the people around me because of my "issues"
i'm tired of ignorance
i'm tired of letting opportunities pass
i'm tired of being afraid to let anyone close to me because they might see that i have "issues" and am less than perfect
i'm tired of worrying
i'm tired of all the head games this is causing me
i'm tired of feeling like a monster
i'm tired of hiding
i'm tired of not knowing
i'm tired of waiting
i'm tired of crying
i'm tired of tears
i'm tired of feeling hopeless
i'm tired of being paranoid
i'm tired of always feeling sorry for myself
i'm tired of not doing something about it
i'm tired of life
i'm tired of giving up
i'm tired of everything
i'm tired of being tired
i'm just plain tired
--All I want to do is hide from the world and take a break from reality and that's just not possible because time stands still for no one and before I know it I'll be a "has-been" without ever being a 'was'--
*Big hugs* to you sweetheart. I wish I could give you a real hug..it sounds like you really need it. I can relate to you in many ways. I have actually never read a post that I have been able to identify as much as I did to this post. I know how you feel sweetheart, and I wish you were not feeling that way. I hope things will become better for you.......I am here for you hun and so are all of the other cysters. We always have eachother. *Hugs and Luv* to a beautiful individual.
__________________ Your friend and cyster,
~*Katrina*~
Pre-medical Student/Medic
22 Years old
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DOING THE BIGGEST LOSER WEDNESDAY!
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Girls- we are cysters by chance but friends by choice. I love you girls so much. You give me strength,courage, guidance, support, and friendship
--All I want to do is hide from the world and take a break from reality and that's just not possible because time stands still for no one and before I know it I'll be a "has-been" without ever being a 'was'--
Wow...you could be me!!That is how I feel alot...I have never felt suicidal or anything,but I always feel "tired"...of all of those things..add one more for me though..I am tired of cruel people...people that say I am not sick and don't believe my symptoms...and I am tired of cruel people that stare and make fun of the way I look when I dO try to go out in the world...those would be at the top of my list now...I am learning better how to take care of these people now...for sooo long i said nothing..just sent them blessings and love,but you know what!?~!Sorry to say,it didn't stop them from upping thier cruelty one bit!!!They then just thought they could increase the attacks and I would do nothing..Wrong or right,I have had to begin to confront these types of individuals..It really hurts to have to do this too...For example..I decided that my son should have swimming lessons this summer...I took him..There were two other moms there that were around my age and were wearing crossess,so I assume they are religious..Well,as I was walking up with my son they started talking about me loud enough for me and others to hear,as well as my son!!They said things like,"Is that a man or a women?hahaha!!omg!!It has a five o clock shadow!!hahah!!and I think it is wearing a wig too hahaha"I was too embarresed for myself and my son to say anthing,but I was pissed..I left and said to myself that if they didn't stop I would have to comfront them..so the next day,when I pulled up in my car,they were already there and when I got out with my son,they started pointing fingers at me and laughing again..even my son said"why are they pointing at you laughing mom?"Well I had had it!!I walked directly up to them both and said"do you have a problem with me?Cuz if you do lets get it over with right now!"They both looked at me puzzled...One said"no,I have no problem with you"..the other one just had this stupid grin on her face,so I told her,"For your information,iI am a women ,that is my son,I have a disease that has no cure,and you have really embarressed my son and me with your junior high school behavior!!If you are going to act so cruel to someone without knowing their circumstances,perhaps you shouldnt be waering that cross,because a good christian wouldnt do what you are doing!"She stood there with her mouth open,and I walked away..I made sure that the same people standing around that were hearing her and her freind making fun of me before,heard what I said to them as well..needless to say,they very quiet after that and stayed far away from me..thank goodness!!I'm not saying this is the right thing to do what I did,but If I didn't start doing this,I would stay in my house forever!!and it just isnt fair to my son..And just last week,I went to a store for something and some man saw me through the window,stopped and pointed me out to his friend and laughed and I can see he said"oh my god,what is that?"I pointed back at him and repeated what he said to him!!!with a very ugly look on my face!!hahahaha!!!He sO didn't expect THAT!!!he quickly left!!!Maybe the lesson of PCOS for me is to teach mean people to stop..who knows..Anyway,I too am sorry you feel these things..just know you are not alone my cyster.....I hope you start feeling better though..I am now forcing myself out of the house to try and experience this life the best I can,and if that means I need to learn to defend myself from the ignorance and cruelty of others,than so be it!!blessings and big hugs to you,Akasha
Oh my cyster! I totally understand how you feel! I think for the most part we all do! Please feel free to IM me or PM or email or whatever! Wanna come over? Come down for a visit. Let my dogs lick your face! Come without make up...I won't mind...no one here will! Come and go swimming…our big hairy booties can float around all day! Life can be so much more manageable when you can take a day off every now and then...a day away from the nagging in your head telling you to put on more face paint...telling you to stay home cause people will be looking at you if you leave...telling you not to sit that way cause your belly looks bigger...or your chin...or your butt! Tell it to shut the F up and take a day off! Come down here, we can drown it in tequila! I hope your spirits are lifting a bit! If not...get on a train! Take care!
__________________
Dara~who rocks!
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Can I go home now?
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Hey Diva Dara!!I want some Tequila!!!LOL!!!Let's make it a party!!I want to float my big hairy butt in the pool too!!!I'll bring my fur babies to lick everyones faces too!!hehe!!OMG!!a day without having to wear makeup!!cool!!I lOVE your fun ideas,Dara!!!You are SO fun!!!I'm there,girlfreind!!!!I'll bring some Tequila too!!!LOL!
akasha i'm so sorry you had to feel the brunt of ppl's stupidity and ignorance, u did the right thing in telling them off, every once in a while you just have to tell them to go f*** themselves... like the other day my friend (who also has pcos) and I were eating out and these 3 ppl sitting at another table kept staring at us
to the point that it made me feel very uncomfortable, my friend said they were staring because she knew them from the neighborhood but i thought it was very rude of them. i tried to keep silent and ignore it but when i'd had enough i just gave them a mean look and asked them in a very rude way if they had a problem and they looked surprised and said no and after that they stopped, and let my friend and I enjoy our meal in peace, sometimes you have to speak up.
by the way from your pictures you are both very beautiful women so don't let them drag u down to their immature level...
--All I want to do is hide from the world and take a break from reality and that's just not possible because time stands still for no one and before I know it I'll be a "has-been" without ever being a 'was'--
I am SOOOO there,Diva Dara!!!Big round hairy butt and all!!!We can all go "au natural"!!LOL!!!thtat's what's cool here..even if we think noone else could ever really love us with this crap,we all can love each other and not think a thing about it,and all our "physical"problems!!How refreshing!!!
i'm tired 
Life can be so much more manageable when you can take a day off every now and then...a day away from the nagging in your head telling you to put on more face paint...telling you to stay home cause people will be looking at you if you leave...telling you not to sit that way cause your belly looks bigger...or your chin...or your butt! Tell it to shut the F up and take a day off! 
