I'm up and then down...

nikkisix · 05-11-2006, 12:14 AM

Somedays I just don't know what I am!! I know the reason why I am so emotional is because it's mothers day coming up (I know that has a lot of us emotional these days) and I will be taking DSS out shopping for a gift for his mom. I know that DH won't even think of doing anything for me, and I guess that makes me sad too.

I went to pickup a willow tree angel for my mom, and I just burst into tears in the store - I remembered the thread from here and saw my own angel and cried.

Some days I'm so fine - I think fondly about the time I had with my Angel, and how I felt. But then there are days like today where I'm just a mess. I guess it's all part of the process. My due date is two months away - I just hate the anticipation of these events.
Thanks for listening...

enits · 05-11-2006, 01:02 AM

Oh I know what you mean. I'm glad you are acknowledging that this is all part of the process, a very, very difficult and emotional process. All these events -- anniversaries hurt. And the sad thing is, not everyone we know understand how we are feeling so it seems like the whole sitation is just one big crappola. We just have to do our best to hang in there. I'll be thinking of you and your Angel. ((hugs))

sweetums · 05-11-2006, 04:38 AM

Nikki,

I'm so sorry that you are having a tough day hon. I TOTALLY understand! I'm feeling very axious as well with Mother's Day coming up. It's so hard for me, knowing how happy I should be right now. Instead, I seem to cry more than smile. Hon, if your husband doesn't do something for you for Mother's Day but you would like to do something, do something for yourself. I decided that's what I'm going to do. I decided Mother's Day is about honoring the fact that I am Bryce's mother, the only mother my baby will ever have. I need to celebrate that. I feel like it's a way of honoring my baby.

I'm praying for you hon!

Manders

DiamondInTheRough · 05-11-2006, 05:17 AM

You aren't alone. I've been going through the process since Aug '01 - and I still have my days, and sometimes weeks, where I'm down about my loss, and miss my baby to no end. I don't suspect the 'process' ever really ends, but neither will the support we give eachother on this board.

I hope you have an "up" day, soon.

Tia38 · 05-11-2006, 03:27 PM

Me too. My m/c was Dec 05 too, and I thought I had mostly moved on. I'm able to talk about it and not feel too badly about it most of the time.

But some days are better than others. And recently more things seem to be making me sad and making me reflect upon what was, what should have been, and what isn't.

sigh.

The good news about ups and downs is that hopefully during the downs we can all remember there will be ups.

Here's hoping the ups become more numerous, and the downs shorter and less frequent.

Hugs,
Tia

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 05-13-2006, 10:32 PM

Nikki,
I'm so sorry your're feeling down. Mother's Day is hard. We don't get aknowledged by most people. I like what Manders said about being Bryce's mother the only mother her baby will ever have. She's right, that should be celebrated. The good days do outweight the bad one eventually but, you will still have "those days". But, you are completely entitled to them. Just remember that those days do pass, and during the waves, just hold on!