I'm very depressed

Sharmayla · 10-12-2009, 02:19 PM

How do you ladies manage to get out of bed every morning and go on with this awful disorder? I'm so depressed right now all I want to do is drink alcohol. I didn't eat dinner yesterday and I'm not even hungry. I'm drinking vodka. I just had a tantrum in the privacy of my bedroom after trying to get at an ingrown hair for the umpteenth time. I finally gave up and said "I hate you!" over and over again to God. If he loves his precious daughters, then why would he allow this to happen to us? I'm just going to drink my vodka till it's gone and I'll probably be rushed to the hospital again like last December, but I don't care.

JZ · 10-12-2009, 03:57 PM

It's all in the way you look at things. We have challenges and with God's help can overcome them. Try to think of all of the good things in your life! You're probably very blessed in other areas of your life. I know I am! It keeps me going!

Leigh74 · 10-12-2009, 04:02 PM

Put down the bottle of vodka, don't give up on life...and don't hurt yourself anymore!! You are precious and God does care. There are many of us who stuggle with the same questions you ask "Why would he allow this to happen to us"? I wish I could answer that one for you, but I know that he LOVES you...so don't give up hope. Look at how many of us cysters keep on going each day and choose to be a survivor of PCOS...not a victim of it.

I don't want to sound harsh, so please don't take my comment above as being mean...take it from someone who has been in the same situation and know that my comment comes out of love. I know that so many of us cysters out there deal with depression and PCOS.

Getting out of bed each day is hard when you suffer with depression. Please sober up, go and visit your doctor and get help ASAP. There are meds, support groups, this message board and other avenues available if you feel suicidal or feel so blue that alcohol is the only thing that helps.

Don't give up and let PCOS take over everything...be a survivor...chose to be a survivor!! Please post again so we know that you are ok.

froubaby · 10-12-2009, 05:12 PM

As the ladies above have said, don't give up. I know how you feel and before you think to yourself "no you don't", please let me explain. Aside from just PCOS I suffer from Endo. Every month I deal with bad pains, large clots, and the feeling that I can't go anywhere because I have to rush to the toilet every 15 minutes. After learning more roughly this time last year that I have both, I became very depressed as well. All the thinking back and analyzing every little thing in my life, questioning God on what I did to deserve all of this (believe me, my upbringing was not the best either). In addition to PCOS and Endo I also have neck/back problems. The pain from that comes and goes and I've jumped from doctor to doctor for that as well till I finally got a doc just the other week to do MRI's only to find I have not one, but 5 herniated discs as well as disc degeneration all over amongst other foreign terms that I have no clue what they mean. In the past two weeks since getting those results I've really been beating myself up. My ortho's first suggestion, a breast reduction. Great, that might help my back, but if I ever get to a position where the PCOS and Endo can get under control to have kids, then I prob won't be able to breast feed.

Honey, I've been in tears throughout the days of these past two weeks. I work from home so I'm all alone most of my day. My 3 cats and dog are what keep me going. So many days I just want to give up it's that hard. Drinking used to keep all the pain away for me... when I would get my period I would drink so it didn't hurt as much. When my neck/back would act up I would drink so I didn't have to feel that as much. Now I find that alcohol is not a good thing for those of us with PCOS. Please put the Vodka away as it is only keeping you in this vicious cycle of pain and suffering.

I still don't know why God is allowing all of this to happen to me and I'll probably continue to cry each day over the thought of any of this stuff or the thought of anything else I've been through in my upbringing that isn't health related, but I'm finding that research and reading on these health issues is the only thing that is getting me from day to day pretty much and talking to others. You really aren't alone. Don't let the Vodka bottle be your friend. Let all of us on this forum be your friends. There's more of us than there is alcohol.

Please feel free to PM me anytime. You may also want to take a look at this forum called depressiontribe.com. This time last year I spent a lot of time in the chat room just talking to people to get me through the day. It may help you as well. Good luck.

Sharmayla · 10-13-2009, 02:30 PM

Sorry - I'm not getting notified when someone answers me. I'm okay. Thank you so much for your concern. I do have a few things to be thankful for, but the bad definitely outweighs the good. All I do is sigh all day long. I don't clean my house. My 2 adult sons who live with us both have schizophrenia. One has autism, but at least it's high-functioning autism. He's bored to tears because he has no friends. His younger brother has friends because he goes to a drop-in center 3 days a week, but the older one went a couple times and couldn't stand it because it was too crowded and too much stimulation for him. I'm fat and ugly and never used to be. I'm lazy and never used to be. The good things are my husband works hard to provide for us, and then he comes home and helps with dinner and housework. But the problem is I'm not in love with him. I've been in love with someone else for twenty years, but two years after I met him, I got this PCOS and decided he'd never want me. I think all day about my abusive childhood and how my dad totally got away with what he did to us and especially what he did to my twin sister. I wish bad memories could be erased.