my dh finds it hard to talk about things and is a very private person, he has been such a rock to me over the last 2 months and really helped keep me together, whenever i've been upset here's been there for me.
He has been pretty quiet over the weekend, then today we went into town and had a wander round and he seemed uneasy, we come home and before going to work this afternoon he tells me he is scared to go out and leave the house, or leave the car if we are out.
He's spoken about how useless he felt when our babies died, he held each of them in his hands until they passed away and could do nothing for them.
I think this fear is a reaction to whats happened, but I don't know how to help him, any ideas?
thanks
Helen xx
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Me 40, Paul 45 DS Luke born 12th March 2009 Doggy furbaby - Milly DX PCOS Jan 06 DX APS March 08
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It is really hard for the guys. The person who leads our in-person support group here said she has heard it takes a father seven years to get to the point the mother reaches at two years in the grief journey. I would definitely go together and see a grief counselor or someone who has a lot of experience with this. It helps to know that he is not the only person who has been through this horrible set of emotions and reactions. I will keep you all in my thoughts!! Many hugs to you both, and please tell him that.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
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It is really hard for the guys. The person who leads our in-person support group here said she has heard it takes a father seven years to get to the point the mother reaches at two years in the grief journey. I would definitely go together and see a grief counselor or someone who has a lot of experience with this. It helps to know that he is not the only person who has been through this horrible set of emotions and reactions. I will keep you all in my thoughts!! Many hugs to you both, and please tell him that.
Ditto!
My husband needed to see and be around other men. It helped so much.
If you can find a group it would be great. Start with the hospital where you delivered, most will give you info before you leave, however one lady in my group didnt get info until her third loss. If not there check local hospitals, I will try to find the website for the national parenting loss group that offers information for local meeting. Keep us posted!
Raven
thanks girls,
I love him so much I hate to see him like he was today
He is one of the "strong silent type" and I honestly don't think he would go to counceling or a support group
At least he's told me how he is feeling which is something.
I know when his father died it took him 2 years to talk about it he bottles things up so much, I think that comes from being an ex-firefighter, he's seen a lot of nasty stuff in his life, poor love, plus his daughter by his 1st marriage lost a baby still born 3 days before she was due, so in the last 18 months he's lost a gtranddaughter and his 2 own daughters
I just love him, he's my rock, my soulmate, my lover and my friend, I'm a lucky girl
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Me 40, Paul 45 DS Luke born 12th March 2009 Doggy furbaby - Milly DX PCOS Jan 06 DX APS March 08
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i agree - its definately hard for the men to let it out ...i wish there was a male version of sc for them. my dh was a total rock for me ... he always seemed to ignore his own anguish so he could take care of mine ... it wasnt until he came into the kitchen and showed me the death announcement in the paper that i ever saw his lip quiver...it makes me teary eyed just thinking about it....my advice is to just listen...let him know you are strong enough to hold him up a little bit too...that its okay...it will in a sad way bring you both closer together...
good luck and my heart goes out to you both...
__________________ Kim 40 PCOS/IR/IC/PIH/PTL
DS6yrs-preemie-30w)Twins-Met,Prometrium, Puregon Injectibles DS3YRS
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Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of his granddaughter as well!! I really think it would help to talk to another man, anyone who's been through the loss of a child. Even if the other person/people did all of the talking, it would really help him feel like his experience of emotions is normal. This forum and my IRL group were the only places I felt like a human being for a while!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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That is such a tough year for any person to go through!!
Your hubby will deal with it the way he sees fit. The only thing you can do is be there for him now and when he eventually does open up about it, whether it be now or in 2 years from now.
IMO, Men need to feel like their sopuse is down for them - that we will support them in all of their plights. And that is what we need to be, their rock.
__________________ Me 22 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , DH 25 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , Preggo with #1 (Make du'aa baby sticks inshaAllah!) M/C - 5/18/07 @ 14 wks
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Please say mashaAllah!
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I'm worried about my DH 
i agree - its definately hard for the men to let it out ...i wish there was a male version of sc for them. my dh was a total rock for me ... he always seemed to ignore his own anguish so he could take care of mine ... it wasnt until he came into the kitchen and showed me the death announcement in the paper that i ever saw his lip quiver...it makes me teary eyed just thinking about it....my advice is to just listen...let him know you are strong enough to hold him up a little bit too...that its okay...it will in a sad way bring you both closer together...
