I need a guys point of view...PLEASE

crissy99507 · 10-05-2006, 09:49 AM

I fully understand how depression lowers your sexual desire (I have been there!!) But heres my frustation...
My hubby is depressed. He says this is why he does not have a lot of desire to have sex with me. When he does there is hardly any effort there. He wont do o/s on me any more because he says it "takes to long" and is a "pain in the A**"
Here is the kicker for me.... He Masterbates ALOT to porn. Dosent this take sexual desire?
I just feel SO bad about this because if he wants to do that, why not with me? I feel like its all me.
If any guy could shed some light on this for me i would be greatful.
what I am wondering is... could that be normal with a lowered desire or should I assume that there is somthing eles going on?
Thanks

Crystal

ickle pands bf · 10-05-2006, 10:15 PM

hey there crissy

I wouldn't jump the gun a feel there is something else going on.

I recently went through a mild spell of depression and my sex life did suffer a bit for a little while. I did find out what was causing my depression and have since sorted it.

I kinda went through the whole porn thing as well, think that could just be a guy thing though. guys dont look at porn the same way they do their wives/gf.

Best advice i could give is sit down and have a little heart to heart and see how he is feeling about it all. Hopefully he will open up and you will get the answers your looking for.......

Kev

flubby · 10-20-2006, 11:06 PM

Agreed, porn is stress and emotion free. Sex with a partner you love is full of emotion and that can be a lot to deel with if you are depressed.
I'm a girl by the way ( but my boy has been the same and I have had that horrible thought that its me)

Neechogan · 10-25-2006, 05:00 PM

Hi Crissy,

I really can't speak for a lot of men out there but I can tell you about my own experiences.

I love my wife and more then she could possibly ever know or understand. My whole reason for working as hard as I do and my desire for success is to ensure that she and our daughter have the life they deserve. They are everything to me.

PCOS is a "curse" that has robbed my wife and I of the incredible sex life we used to have. It has caused my wife to have no desire whatsoever and this has lead to some nasty arguments at bedtime and I have been accused of infidelity.

Using pornography as an aid to fuel fantasy for masturbation has provided me with some ability to cope. While it will never replace my wife's loving touch, it does help me deal with my frustration from time-to-time. I don't think of my wife any differently and I still think she's as hot as she was the day I met her. Sadly though, the "curse" has changed her and eventhough she loves me dearly, the "curse" has taken here desire away and masturbating while watching porn has given me an outlet for release and has helped quash some of the frustration and anger I sometimes feel when my wife rejects my advances.

I don't think that your partner is doing it to hurt you. I think that he is, just as all us men with partners suffering because of the "curse," is having trouble dealing with what he perceives to be his partner's lack of desire or lack of interest in sex. He probably seeing it as a failure on his part to satisfy you and believe me, he's probably having a real hard time dealing with that.

Be patient. Don't give up. Tell him how much you love him and how good it feels when you make love. Reassure him that it isn't his fault. Trust me, I wish my wife had done that in the begining because I think if she had, we wouldn't be dealing with the heartache we are experiencing now.