I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

babygirl18905 · 09-18-2006, 10:59 PM

Okay here's the deal...........My SIL just told me the reason she keeps asking me about adopting from her country (Guatemala) is because she has an aunt that is going to have a baby and was undecided if she was going to keep it or not!!!!!!!! My SIL has been explaining to her about me being unable to have a baby and she says she will let me have her baby!!!!!!!!!!! The thing is she comes here to the U.S periodically to visit I have met her a few times, but I'm not sure how to go about this. She does not speak good english and I don't speak alot of spanish.Anyways I was thinking of going to her country to adopt the baby when the baby is born that's why I have been asking about obtaining a SS#. My SIL says I don't have to go there because she will be coming her sometime before the end of the year or beginning of next year and will bring the baby with her. Do you think it will be possible to adopt the baby here if she comes here with the baby? Also do you have to complete a home study to adopt a family member who is a relative through marriage?PLEASE SISTERS I NEED YOUR ADVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

macrod · 09-18-2006, 11:32 PM

You might want to talk to a lawyer that specializes in international adoption. You can usually get a free consultation. You may have to go thru the INS as the baby will not be a citizen and in order to obtain a social security card you will have to have clearance. As for the homestudy, yes, you will have to do a full home study. You will also have to get a lawyer for the birthmother. You will want to do this because it will cover you in case the birth mother changes her mind in the future. Adoption, even if it is someone that you know is always a risk. So, get all of your ducks in a row. Good luck!

Miss-Meme · 09-19-2006, 12:09 AM

I believe that you need a homestudy in all adoptions. I think even in like step family adoptions, at least thats what I've read in Indiana.

Good luck with it. I don't know what to tell you on the coming here with the baby?

~Traci~ · 09-19-2006, 03:24 AM

You definately need a homestudy in all adoptions & the baby will not be a legal US citizen so it won't be possible to adopt the baby if she were to come here. Usually USCIS only will approve paperwork for orphaned children & this baby won't be orphaned so I think you' should talk to an international adoption attorney about this situation.

Good Luck!
Traci

Jrzgirl33 · 09-19-2006, 03:28 AM

i DON'T HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR YOU, AS I DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT ADOPTION, BUT I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU THE BEST!

Mindijean · 09-19-2006, 02:26 PM

I'm confused. Weren't you about to adopt your cousin's baby a few weeks ago? Am I thinking of a different person?

I would call INS and see what they have to say.

babygirl18905 · 09-19-2006, 11:34 PM

yes my aunt was trying to get my 16 year old cousin to let me adopt her baby, but my cousin does not want to give the baby up!!!! She would rather quite school and not have a reliable job than to let someone she knows have the baby to raise and give him a good home so I told my aunt to just forget about it I don't want to pressure her like that, that's not fair to her even though she's not being fair to her son I guess she will manage, anyways, That's when my SIL started getting serious about talking to her family member who does not want her baby and was talking about giving the baby to me. She thinks it would be a good idea but we will see what happens.

Lisa67 · 09-20-2006, 10:24 PM

I'm confused. Someone else is pregnant and wants to raise the child instead of letting you adopt him? If the person can raise their child by quitting school perhaps she will get her GED to further her future. I don't see that as being irresponsible at this point in the situation and wish her the best of luck.

Good luck in whatever path brings you to mommyhood.

babygirl18905 · 09-20-2006, 10:47 PM

you know what thank all of you ladies who have been very supportive here on the boards1 But I'm really not up for people telling me my opinion is wrong when I know the full situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just came here for support and understanding but I guess this will be my last post on these boards

~Traci~ · 09-20-2006, 11:35 PM

People are only commenting on what you wrote. If you don't tell the full story then what do you expect.

I know we all want to be parents but to be mad b/c a birth mother doesn't want to give up her baby is just wrong, I'm sorry I know it's your feelings & you're just venting but it's wrong.

I took offense to you saying that just b/c your cousin is quiting school & doesn't have $$ that she can't raise her own baby. Just because someone quits school & doesn't have $$ doesn't mean they are not fit to raise their baby. Though it may not be an ideal situation, there are many teen parents (my little sister is one of them) that can raise children right. Just b/c you don't have $$ doesn't mean you shouldn't raise your children. There are many government agencies that will help parents raise their children.

Now if there are other situations like she's in a abusive relationship or she will abuse her baby, then DSS (DCFS, etc...whatever it's called in her area) should get involved or she should get out of the abusive situation for her babys sake but to say that someone can't raise their baby b/c they quit school (GEDs are just fine, DH & I both got our GEDs & we're functioning adults that make more than most college graduates so it can be done!) & don't have money.

I really was not going to say anything but now I felt like I had to b/c it was just eating away at me & really bothing me all day long.

Good Luck to you & her as well as both the families.
Traci

Mindijean · 09-20-2006, 11:44 PM

I deleted my comment because I thought it sounded catty. I'm sorry for sounding like that, but I truly WAS and AM confused. It sounds like there are many people in your family who are pregnant and wanting to give you their babies! I've never heard of so many situations like that happening all in the same month!

Good luck to you!

Mindijean · 09-20-2006, 11:45 PM

PS - I agree with Lisa and Traci. Just because someone doesn't have an education doesn't make them a bad parent. Trust me, I've seen lots of bad parenting!!

babygirl18905 · 09-21-2006, 12:05 AM

Like I said it's okay I do not plan on posting any more questions etc on these boards and YES ALOT of people I know Are having babies and maybe my family and friends are just trying to make me feel better or make fun of me by telling me they will let me adopt their babies because there are none of them comming forward to tell me that their selves It has all been hearsay through others. My SIL just had a baby 6.5 months ago, my cousin just had a baby 2 months ago, One of my best friends had a baby 9 months ago and another had one 7 months ago. My SIL's relative is pregnant and my boyfriends neice is pregnant and both are due in November. Everyone knows how sensitive I am about adopting as well as the rest of you are sensitive and in the same situation. And I DID NOT SAY YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALOT OF MONEY TO RAISE A CHILD NOR DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA BUT AT LEAST YOU SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH INTELLIGENCE TO KNOW NOT TO BE RUNNING THE STREETS DAY AND NIGHT WITH THE BABY AND BE PUTTING THE BABY IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS LIKE THAT WHERE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN TO EITHER ONE OF YOU. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE IN BEING A MATURE TEENAGE MOTHER AND NOT SO MATURE. I NEVER EXPECTED TO FEEL SO UPSET BY POSTING MY FEELINGS ON THIS THREAD BUT THAT'S OKAY I WILL LEAVE IT ALONE NOW AND IF ANYONE TOOK OFFENSE TO MY POST THEN I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT BUT IFEEL EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS WITHOUT BEING BASHED IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE THAN YOU SHOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never bashed anyone on any of these boards I thought this was suppose to be a safe place for us to express our feelings but I guess not.

Lisa67 · 09-21-2006, 02:52 AM

babygirl,

I don't know if you'll read this because you said it's your last post here, but I'll reply anyhow. If you are referring to me, I was merely asking a question not bashing you. Your former posts didn't fully explain everything, but this last post of yours did--and in it you are saying this teenage mother is running the streets. If that is the case than yes, you are right. She should get her act together so that neither her or her baby get hurt.

I hope those family members that are talking to you about adoption are not pulling your leg and are serious, and not just tempting you with silly talk. That's not fair to anyone involved.

I still wish you the best of luck in your journey. No hard feelings, I hope.

Miss-Meme · 09-24-2006, 03:34 PM

babygirl, please don't leave because of something someone posted. Sometimes post are took the wrong way. It's really nothing personal.

I hope you stay around!