I need to know I'm not crazy

Pinkflutterby · 03-09-2007, 08:27 AM

My sister in law annouced yesterday she was pregnant with her second child (my niece being 18 months) and although I am hapy I feel really down.

Am I being stupid about this? I should be happy but I'm worried about stupid things like how my dh's family are gonna treat me and what perception they have of us. It's really stupid and selfish but I can't seem to control myself.

Arrrrgggghhhhhh help!

Sarah Louise · 03-09-2007, 09:11 AM

Of course your not crazy its perfectly natural to feel like this !! I mean when I go shopping and see a mum with a little baby I feel jealous because I want that to be me. Considering you have been TTC for 4 years I think that you are perfectly entitled to have mixed emotions about the pregnancy, so don’t try and control your emotions, and don’t worry too much about what DH family will think of you I sure they must have realised that you would happy for your sister in law, but also feeling low.

Eva37 · 03-09-2007, 09:33 AM

aww, sweetie

how you feel is natural - wish i could make it all better
eva

siany22 · 03-09-2007, 10:49 AM

oh im sorry you feel like this i quite often feel like this to.

georgy · 03-09-2007, 11:36 AM

I'm going through the same thing...My SiL is expecting her 2nd, and I cannot even bring myself to talk about it to anyone. I cant even say out even out loud, exactly how I feel sometimes about it sometimes.
I brought up the subject at my endo appointment on Monday and I ended up hysterically crying, but at least I got it out.

Its a difficult situation because you don't want to let those around you see you unhappy about it...but you need to get it out. In my case, I am either extremely angry or bitter or just a plain straightforward crybaby, who has her own pity party every few days.
PM me if you want to vent, because I can assure you that whatever you are feeling, I can completely empathise with.

Pinkflutterby · 03-09-2007, 12:52 PM

Thanks everyone, I knew that I would get some comfort here!

The stupid thing is I wasn't like this with her first child. I was really excited for her and I couldn't wait to be an auntie. This time I feel like I will be even more obvious in dh's family (he has a 'plain talking' family who think nothing of bringing up things like my weight or dh's health over dinner table at christmas.....it's true) and so I'm so waiting for the 'well having you thought of having a baby yet' comments.

I think the last time round I didn't know they would be like that with us and so I assumed that everything would be okay but now I know what they are like it panics me even more. I have dinner with them tonight too!!!!

I might be being hormonal though I have no idea anymore.

The other thing my husband said last night was that I might be finding it hard to deal with being Auntie Meme to someone else other than my niece.

Vent over until later

tory · 03-09-2007, 02:41 PM

Oh you poor thing. I don't have much to add, except - you're not crazy! It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Just cuddle up to your hubbie and cry for a bit - look after each other and you'll be fine. Life sucks sometimes, though, doesn't it...

Toryx

kidrobot · 03-09-2007, 02:46 PM

Pink sorry for what your feeling!!

My Youngest cousin gave birth in the same hosp whilst i was admitted with m/c complications in Dec. So I had to deal with a family boxing day with a new born baby.

I find that I'm more stressed about what other peoples reactions are around me, and found people catching my eye when I happened to look at the baby.

Its a bummer and I suppose family members dont know how to act in these situs.

Pinkflutterby · 03-10-2007, 07:24 AM

Luckily my parents in law cancelled diner at the last minute last night so I feel a little better. DH got home last night and I delibratley picked a fight for no reason and ended up sobbing. I feel a lot better for it though, not 100% but much better.

georgy · 03-10-2007, 10:37 AM

sometimes you just need to cry and vent...even if 'the subject' isn't spoken about. Have you mentioned how you feel to hubby?

My hubby knows how I feel, well 99% of it. He actually postponed telling me about his sisters pregancy because he was worried at my reaction. He was right to...but I calmed down quickly and it's all bubbling under.

I hope you have places to vent and people to vent to about this...you really need to get it out. But until you do, just come on here....and be free to say what you like. Again, PM isa good way to vent too, there are some fabulously non judgemental Cysters on here. xx

junior_j · 03-10-2007, 03:57 PM

Hope ur feelin better

Jess x

THAMESIDE · 03-11-2007, 01:06 PM

Awww ive been at the pity party too. no one was there tho. only me. i feel your pain hun, my sil has 2 kiddies now, the 1st prg, i wanted to do myself in, she flaunted the prg in my face like there was no tommorrow. posing and showing her growing bump. it did send me over the edge. so i had to keep away, my parents wernt very understanding, well when the baby arrived i was over the moon, i got to be aunty, she was a bit better with the 2nd prg. so i know how you are feeling, being angry, jelous and depressed at someone in your family having a baby is very distressing. i dont know how ive managed but somehow ive developed this super hard shell, but inside im all soft. im sending you lots of hope for your future. chin up and tell them where to go if they get on your nerves. oh and your not crazy, just a normal cyster.

paddy · 03-12-2007, 06:27 AM

Just wanted to say that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I was exactly the same.

In my experience though I've found that when the ttc questions come honesty is the best policy. I used to just answer by saying 'Well, we've got some fertility issues so we're not sure if it'll happen for us yet'. Generally people didn't want to know anymore and the questions stopped.

Good luck, both with dealing with the new pregnancy and family as well as ttc yourself. It IS possible....

xx

Purple_monkfish · 03-20-2007, 10:24 AM

its perfectly natural to feel little like "why can't it be me" but the important thing to do is not let it weigh you down. I know myself how angry I was when one of our "friends" decided to shun me because I had a baby and she didn't. I agree with paddy, if anyone dares ask you why you havn't goteen pregger blah blah b;ah simply tell them that its not like you hvn't been trying. that should shut em up.

Let it all out to us, to your hubby, to a sympathetic friend! we all need to vent once in a while.

Don't give up hope either! Hope is so so important.

I find myself watching what I say around my sister. See, she claims to not be ttc but how do we know? I know how devistating it was for me when the doc cast doubts about my fertility so whos to say my older sister doesn't have similar problems?
I really hope this family are decent enough to realise its not a good topic of discussion.

and yes, it IS possible as paddy said. So go cyster go! Lots of loves and positive vibes your way.

Pinkflutterby · 03-21-2007, 05:17 AM

Thanks for all of the messages of love and support over the last couple of weeks. I really couldn't have got through it without you.

On the upside my sister in law has been amazing. We went out with my niece last week for a girlie day and she said she completely understood if I was feeling weird and didn't want to be around her. She said she wouldn't discuss her pregnancy in front of me etc but I said that just because I was trying to have a baby didn't mean she had to pretend she wasn't having a baby! I said to her that she had a hundred and one things to worry about over the next few months and the least of them would be me. She also asked me to think of boys names for her cause she wants me and my dh to name the baby if it's a boy (oh my god the pressure) so I feel less and less like the barren sister in law now. Plsu my monster in law has been much much better this time around and didn't make a tit of herself on Mother's day like she did last year ('Lets let all the mothers go first today, what do you say Michelle?' Like I was going to have a baby right there next to the roast chicken.)

It helps we have a specialist appointment next month too, I think to get us on to the road of lovely fertility drugs (please hold back from your stories just yet).

So I am going to try and stop being silly, look forward to whatever is incubabting my in sister's ever increasing stomach and try to relax about the whole thing.

But thanks again guys, you all mean the world to me.